To explain better...it's not that I don't feel bad. I feel horrifically guilty all the time but mostly i do not understand why anyone would be affected my my suicide. I feel more guilty that I have tried to CTB so many times and failed. That is what I feel bad about. The stress and panic that has caused. I hate myself so much and feel like such a terrible person that even when I am told they will be way worse off without me I simply do not believe it. I know they will be better without me. They are the ones that are in denial and wrong. I am such a mess and know I can't get better. I know what caused my problems and that I cannot get over that trauma and that the pain surrounding it has made me relentless in trying to end my life. I think they are actually deluding themselves that it won't be better when I am gone. So in that sense no I don't feel bad because I know they are wrong that they will feel worse off without me. I don't want them to think I did this without any concern for their well being but if they think that is the case and they hate me for that then it is almost preferential because it would make it easier for them. I am a lost cause so whatever makes it easier for them is ok with me. Do I want them to hate me and think I was selfish, of course not, but I know it is not only the only option for me to die but also better for everyone else in the long run so if that is they way it has to be, I guess it is ok.
Anon2662
Just a girl trapped in a psychological prison
- Feb 13, 2020
- 366
I feel equally guilty and not guilty. Guilty for the pain I'll cause but not guilty because I feel like a burden and feel like they will be better off in the long run without me here.. tbh I'm getting to the point where what I think about other people's feelings isn't going to even come into it..
That's what I mean. I was just rambling. I do feel terribly guilty. I know it will hurt them but I also know in the long run they will be better off without me so that outweighs the short term grief. I know everyone says grief from suicide never goes away but i do not believe that is true in every case. If you will be a burden forever to me that is worse than any grief it may cause. I know they will move on and the grief will lessen with time and over all be better than if I lived.
trouble
Member
- Jan 5, 2020
- 44
I totally feel you :( I feel insanely guilty for this choice, but I also feel like people will be better off without me and that I'm not a big part of anyone's life anyway.
Although people tell me that it's not true, I can't stop telling myself that they're in the wrong and that they'll realize it one day.
Sending hugs!!!
Although people tell me that it's not true, I can't stop telling myself that they're in the wrong and that they'll realize it one day.
Sending hugs!!!
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
I've distanced myself from almost everyone so essentially I'm already dead to them. Furthermore some of them there's issues that will never be resolved. The only one I really feel bad for is my girlfriend. I just missed our arrangement. She's fuming, I want to kill myself more. Doesn't really benefit either of us
Lastravel
Member
- Feb 23, 2020
- 95
You're aware of what could be the consequences so you feel guilty. Maybe you could write down your situation on paper to clarifiy things.
In the long run it's difficult to say if it would be better or not and how each individual will react and go through a loss.
Personnally I'm convicted that it will break my parents no matter what reason I could use to justify ctb.
In the long run it's difficult to say if it would be better or not and how each individual will react and go through a loss.
Personnally I'm convicted that it will break my parents no matter what reason I could use to justify ctb.
I know your pain. when ten depression, like past things or some of our acts, becomes unbearable and repetitive in our memories it has started to become unbearable. that feeling of uselessness of the little symptom, and not bearable, because it takes the focus off the things you like, feels a little pain or disappears, and ceases to be a useful onde.
I think I'm thinking logically. Suicide or death of any family member will be a shock and cause grief but only I know they long term struggle it will be for everyone if I am alive. It's not even an option anyway but if it was. They don'[t understand what is going on in my head so may believe things will get better where as I know they can't.
Like in the past i have sometimes written suicide notes and sometimes not not knowing whether it would help those I left behind or not. At this point I feel there is so much I would want to say but cannot verbalize it and no-one else can ever understand that it doesn't seem there is any point. They will never fully understand my reasons and it's almost easier to know they might be angry at me for it so grieve less. I do want someone to understand everything but I'm also not willing to leave an accusatory type note. There is one person that will have caused my death but it won't help anyone to know that. A lot of people will know he contributed but he did essentially kill me. I'm not going to have my death be seen as vidinctive though by explaining this in a suicide note. I'm not killing myself to "get revenge" on him it is because of the pain and trauma he has caused.
Like in the past i have sometimes written suicide notes and sometimes not not knowing whether it would help those I left behind or not. At this point I feel there is so much I would want to say but cannot verbalize it and no-one else can ever understand that it doesn't seem there is any point. They will never fully understand my reasons and it's almost easier to know they might be angry at me for it so grieve less. I do want someone to understand everything but I'm also not willing to leave an accusatory type note. There is one person that will have caused my death but it won't help anyone to know that. A lot of people will know he contributed but he did essentially kill me. I'm not going to have my death be seen as vidinctive though by explaining this in a suicide note. I'm not killing myself to "get revenge" on him it is because of the pain and trauma he has caused.
AlreadyGone
Taking it day by day
- Jan 11, 2020
- 917
Nope. I am suffering. They are not. They will grieve and eventually move on like all people do.
Isittimetogonola
Kindness is a weakness to be taken advantage by al
- Oct 22, 2019
- 198
There are only 2 people I feel guilty about leaving...my wife and my best friend. My wife is a beautiful soul and doesn't deserve any of this and it would crush her. My best friend has been at and on my side the entire time. She had my sexuality figured out before me and loves me unconditionally. She is gay, I realized I'm bi but more gay.
Dreamless Sleep
The eternal night before chaos...
- Feb 1, 2020
- 190
Zero guilt here. My responsibilities will be wrapped up and no family or friends to worry about.
Proto
Student
- Jan 21, 2020
- 117
I think i phrased it wrong. I do feel awfully guilty for what I have already put them through and if I do CTB what that might do to them I just mean I can see that long term it will be better for everyone they just might not realize it yet or maybe they do but would never say it.
Proto
Student
- Jan 21, 2020
- 117
Yeah that's what i'm afraid of how it could affect, dunno if it's better for the longterm maybe. That's the thing.
I don't feel guilty at all about suicide, it feels inevitable and I feel like they should t be surprised really. I've had 2 attempts, never thought of anyone before or during either one. I'd only feel guilty if I'd had involved someone in the process, like getting friends to vet me for a gun club - the guilt stopped me taking that route, I couldn't do that to them and implicate them. But as for just dying? No guilt.
a.n.kirillov
velle non discitur
- Nov 17, 2019
- 1,831
Why should I feel guilty? I don't have any kids who still need me, so. I wasn't asked to play this game: I was born without consent and sentenced to death by my parents, and now I should live a life of mental torment just so they can die before me?
In every relationship you have, everyone will die and one of you will die first. Have you signed any contract to stay around as long as possible just so that no one has to experience the loss of your death? Ridiculous I say!
Now if you have (dependant) children it might be different.
In every relationship you have, everyone will die and one of you will die first. Have you signed any contract to stay around as long as possible just so that no one has to experience the loss of your death? Ridiculous I say!
Now if you have (dependant) children it might be different.
Yeah right woe is them I say. That's fucking life: people die, everyone will lose everyone and everything some day. If someone really tried to guilt trip me to stay alive only so they don't have to grief my death I would reconsider even talking to them in the future.
I don't feel guilty cause I don't have anyone in my life to leave behind, but even if I had, many people just say they will be upset or can't live without you, but forget you in weeks. There are many people dying everyday and I don't see others to help them, so why to pretend that you give a shit if the person dies if you don't care about him when he's alive?
I feel incredible guilt for feeling the way I do. Ive felt like it for a while but always managed to keep t hidden as there was no reason to end it - now with me out of the family house with no access to the kids and just debts (the reason for the breakdown) I've nothing to truly live for. My kids are doing fine, wife is angry and filing for divorce. I'm living out of hotels and sponging from family, looking for a job at same time is hard.
So, guilt is overridden by the certainly that my being dead will remove me and my debts allowing them to move on faster and with greater security.
It's not a matter of selfishly thinking of yourself only, grief and regret play a massive part. Sometimes the greatest show of love you can make is to let someone or something go.
So, guilt is overridden by the certainly that my being dead will remove me and my debts allowing them to move on faster and with greater security.
It's not a matter of selfishly thinking of yourself only, grief and regret play a massive part. Sometimes the greatest show of love you can make is to let someone or something go.
I don't feel guilty, no. The fact that I'm driven to this is my family's fault, hopefully my departure will make them realize how shitty they've been to me
They probably don't realise the pain that they have caused you and if they don't then might not understand why you made the suicide choice anyway. IMHO If you choose to go it has to be for your own reasons, not to put the guilt into someone else.
lostangel
Enlightened
- Mar 22, 2019
- 1,051
Don't feel guilty at all. Part of my reason is because of them but they will move on quickly just like everyone else.
I'm not ctb just to hurt someone but i can't deny the fact that quite a lot of my suffering is due to how awful people close to me have been to me
selfhater
Experienced
- Mar 1, 2020
- 222
exactly also they ignore me even tho they know what i'm going thru
Marktheghost
Paragon
- Feb 20, 2020
- 911
I wouldn't feel guilty. Nobody really cares about me. And what difference does it make whether I die by suicide or die in a car crash or whatever?
Donk
Useless since day 1
- Jan 3, 2020
- 1,129
i feel totally guilty. my wife has stuck with me through thick and thin. i owe it to her to try every option possible. i cant imagine my life without her and im sure she feels the same.
I feel totally guilty about my Mum and one of my sisters.. I really don't want to put them through watching my casket cruising into the crematorium thing (bit drunk so and also don't know what that is called)
They are doing the best that they can for me but I may be beyond hope.
They are doing the best that they can for me but I may be beyond hope.
without money, without work, the only guilt I feel is having to end my own life with my mother's money. she will give the money for the trip thinking that I will have fun, but for my departure unfortunately.
@Ulisses I hope the trip is a successful one if you do decide to do it. I'm in the same boat, lots of guilt and feel like a massive burden.
