Discussion Does anyone lowkey want someone to stop them from CTBing?

[whenwillthepainstop]

It appears the mindset of a lot of people here(besides the recovery section) is that nobody should stop them from committing suicide because it's their own choice, which is something I understand however PERSONALLY, deep down I want someone to stop me before it's too late. Is that weird? Am I an attention seeker? I do want to die but like I said this small part of me wants somebody to notice my pain and hug me and save me from killing myself. Maybe it's survival instinct? Not sure. Anyways I hope I'm not the only one.

 

[EternalShore]

I think many of us want the loneliness to end and for someone to truly care for us~ :( as long as the person wasn't related to me and truly cared for me rather than doing it because they're a mandated reporter or to just save a life, I'd certainly desire it too~ :) altho, it'd be a really memorable yet weird beginning to an irl friendship ngl! xD however, I doubt this would be true for those for which loneliness isn't a big reason for desiring sewer slide~

 

[whenwillthepainstop]

I think many of us want the loneliness to end and for someone to truly care for us~ :( as long as the person wasn't related to me and truly cared for me rather than doing it because they're a mandated reporter or to just save a life, I'd certainly desire it too~ :) altho, it'd be a really memorable yet weird beginning to an irl friendship ngl! xD however, I doubt this would be true for those for which loneliness is a big reason for desiring sewer slide~

Unrelated but how'd you get the cool pink text?

 

[FoxSauce]

Agreed with Shore.

I guess it depends really

 

[EternalShore]

Unrelated but how'd you get the cool pink text?

BB codes! ^_^ The color thing is a hex value, so you need to determine that for whichever color you wish for your text to be like! :) Here is a full guide! :)

 

[UtopianSoliloquies]

I could be wrong but it sounds like you're in a lot of pain and want it to stop, but also that a part of you genuinely wants help and don't know how to get it. It's not weird at all, and you're not asking for a lot of attention either. You seem conflicted about CTB, so please think carefully about it. If you have friends or family in your life that you trust to not send you to a psych ward, consider reaching out. CTB is a valid choice but it shouldn't be the default to those who have hopes of getting better. Regardless of what you decide, I hope you remember this community is here for exactly people like you and you will have support from us

 

[orbit]

I sort of want that too in a sense.

I think it's more of a desire to feel wanted, to feel like your life is actually valued. To be held afterwards and be told that you matter to someone and that you're worth something. A way for someone to actually see your suffering materialse into something that they can actually see, kind of like why people tend to self harm on visible parts on the body. If someone has stopped them mid attempt that means they've seen the pain they've kept inside if that makes sense.

I suppose it is attention seeking in a way, but attention seeking doesn't make anyone a terrible person. Humans are social creatures that crave love and validation, though in my experience at least people don't really react in a very pleasant way when they 'save' you from an attempt.

 

[whenwillthepainstop]

I could be wrong but it sounds like you're in a lot of pain and want it to stop, but also that a part of you genuinely wants help and don't know how to get it. It's not weird at all, and you're not asking for a lot of attention either. You seem conflicted about CTB, so please think carefully about it. If you have friends or family in your life that you trust to not send you to a psych ward, consider reaching out. CTB is a valid choice but it shouldn't be the default to those who have hopes of getting better. Regardless of what you decide, I hope you remember this community is here for exactly people like you and you will have support from us

Aww thank you, I don't want to talk to friends or family about this but you did make me realize I do want help deep deep down but on the surface I just want to kill myself like always. It's nice to be here with you guys. It's just hard to tell the difference between truly not wanting to die and wanting to die but just being unable to push past survival instinct. Do you know the difference? Also you're right that I am in a lot of unbearable pain.

I sort of want that too in a sense.

I think it's more of a desire to feel wanted, to feel like your life is actually valued. To be held afterwards and be told that you matter to someone and that you're worth something. A way for someone to actually see your suffering materialse into something that they can actually see, kind of like why people tend to self harm on visible parts on the body. If someone has stopped them mid attempt that means they've seen the pain they've kept inside if that makes sense.

I suppose it is attention seeking in a way, but attention seeking doesn't make anyone a terrible person. Humans are social creatures that crave love and validation, though in my experience at least people don't really react in a very pleasant way when they 'save' you from an attempt.

I agree, and yeah the idea of being saved in the moment is much better in imagination than reality. In reality people freak out, but I want someone(not family though, because they would never understand this stuff)to catch me about to kill myself and just hug me and tell me I can cry in their arms and that it's okay and they're not mad, that they're sorry I was in so much pain I felt the need to do this and that they'd do anything to make it better.