Anxieyote
Sobriety over everything else • 30 • Midwest
- Mar 24, 2021
- 445
I know this question may sound ridiculous, but I'm serious.
I've had the last 3 days off of work, and I've cleaned the house from top to bottom, I did my laundry, I watched TV, I got drunk…I was alive during these days, and I certainly existed a lot, but what was the point? I was alone while doing all of this, so I had no effect on the world around me.
How many hours is that? 72? That's a long span of time for absolutely nothing of value to be accomplished in. I'm beginning to understand why people join the military. I want purpose so badly, and I'm just here existing on the sidelines of society with nothing to offer to myself or anyone. I'm asking myself what the meaning of my life is, and I'm drawing a complete blank. The last 3 days certainly didn't mean much at all.
It's just the same pattern over and over again, you guys. I work, I sleep, I eat, I exist. There's just no point to any of it. I usually get suicidal from sadness, but right now I want to end my life out of intense boredom. The conversations I have with my family, my coworkers…it's so scripted and predictable. And everything I'm saying now is something I've said or thought of before in some capacity. Circles and circles.
Help me add some excitement if you can. I need a new thought or a surprise. Everything is too familiar, I need something weird.
I've had the last 3 days off of work, and I've cleaned the house from top to bottom, I did my laundry, I watched TV, I got drunk…I was alive during these days, and I certainly existed a lot, but what was the point? I was alone while doing all of this, so I had no effect on the world around me.
How many hours is that? 72? That's a long span of time for absolutely nothing of value to be accomplished in. I'm beginning to understand why people join the military. I want purpose so badly, and I'm just here existing on the sidelines of society with nothing to offer to myself or anyone. I'm asking myself what the meaning of my life is, and I'm drawing a complete blank. The last 3 days certainly didn't mean much at all.
It's just the same pattern over and over again, you guys. I work, I sleep, I eat, I exist. There's just no point to any of it. I usually get suicidal from sadness, but right now I want to end my life out of intense boredom. The conversations I have with my family, my coworkers…it's so scripted and predictable. And everything I'm saying now is something I've said or thought of before in some capacity. Circles and circles.
Help me add some excitement if you can. I need a new thought or a surprise. Everything is too familiar, I need something weird.