Does anyone here wish that someone would help them?

[-nobodyknows-]

To be clear, I'm not really referring to things like therapy or having someone report you and then letting the doctors handle you. Rather, what I mean is someone who is actually committed to helping you, come hell or high water. Maybe reporting you would be a part of that, but if they did they'd be with you through all of it.

I don't know. Personally I think it would be really nice to have someone like that. Someone who I could talk to and who would stay with me when I feel suicidal. I feel like it's an impossible request, especially considering how severe my suicidal feelings have gotten over the past ten years, but if such a thing were possible I would be very grateful.

I know it's a fantasy, but I still hope that I can find someone like that before it is too late.

 

[nattys5thtoenail]

Oh god yes, I'm guilty of this. Constantly fantasizing about being saved and falling in love with the person who saved you and falling happily ever after. It's not great to get too much into that fantasy because it'll make your mental health worse. It's sort of like drugs, you forget your problems for a moment but you become addicted to the thrill.

 

[aceless_spade]

Having this, I will say the one downside is that you will be constantly putting that person through hell and it will most likely weigh on your conscious. That said, that person being here is what keeps me alive.

 

[onelastcall]

It would be sweet. To not feel always so empty and being stuck in my own head. To have something or in this case someone to wake up for.

 

[DeadNotSleeping]

If somehow they don't feel overburdened by the situation and are willing to do whatever it takes then sure. I think it's absolutely selfish of me to want something like that but at this point I think I've proven I'm incapable of fixing my shit myself.

 

[killmesoftly]

Yes, but I've realized nobody cares about me that much to try. My depression and suicidality pushed my partner away, they didn't bother trying to help me and it made me feel so much more worthless. I broke up with them after they extended their travels abroad for another month while they knew I was suicidal and didn't care enough to come back and help. I still feel selfish for even wishing that, it feels unfair to have to beg someone to be there for you, so I gave up trying or wishing for that bc I know I'll never get it, I don't deserve it.

 

[Abyssal]

I've gotten all the help o could get. My life improved, but it didn't cure the suicidal thoughts. It just made me want to die less for a couple years.

I'm doing alright but I'm still going to die. Nothing to be helped with, I just wanna not exist.

 

[BlueButterfly19]

I'm lucky I have a friend like that. Yes he did report me one time but I forgive him for it. Honestly I don't blame him for reporting me, I'm sure he would have had legal trouble had he known I'd attempted and did nothing about it. But when I got out of psych ward he was the only friend who stuck around and didn't abandon me. He listened to me when I talked about being suicidal and being paranoid/delusional. He drove 3 hours to pick me up from the hospital and help clean up my house (I was having psychosis and my place was trashed he was a saint helping me pick up the pieces). He has a copy of my house keys for emergencies and I'll be putting him and my brother that I'm close with as a main beneficiary in my will (I still need to write one). One of the only reasons I haven't CTB'd a long time ago is they have been more supportive and loving than my parents have ever been in my life.

 

[nattys5thtoenail]

I'm lucky I have a friend like that. Yes he did report me one time but I forgive him for it. Honestly I don't blame him for reporting me, I'm sure he would have had legal trouble had he known I'd attempted and did nothing about it. But when I got out of psych ward he was the only friend who stuck around and didn't abandon me. He listened to me when I talked about being suicidal and being paranoid/delusional. He drove 3 hours to pick me up from the hospital and help clean up my house (I was having psychosis and my place was trashed he was a saint helping me pick up the pieces). He has a copy of my house keys for emergencies and I'll be putting him and my brother that I'm close with as a main beneficiary in my will (I still need to write one). One of the only reasons I haven't CBT'd a long time ago is they have been more supportive and loving than my parents have ever been in my life.

This is such a sweet story :) I've rarely ever heard of anything good coming from reporting others to mental health services. At least they stuck around instead of abandoning you to stay at the abusive psych ward.

 

[TheBroken]

Yes, but it has always gone south so I just stopped hoping - it would generally be called a "friend".

 

[MelancholyMagic]

Yes, but this sort of person does not exist. The anime 'Welcome to the NHK' has a premise similar to this - someone is committed to helping a depressed NEET. But it all falls apart, and you see this savior will never be more than a fantasy.

 

[vampire2002]

i do have someone like this. i love them more than anything, and i know they feel the same for me. they do as much as they can to help me, but unfortunately there are limits to what can be done, as i have major issues that aren't easily solved. i do feel terrible for planning to CTB in spite of all their efforts. they're the one person i'm actually worried about hurting.

 

[MelancholyMagic]

having babies

Don't do that! The child may turn out to be as (or more miserable) than you are now, and there is a strong risk no one will be willing to help them.

 

[escape_from_hell]

She knocks on my door. How she got there is a mystery. I feel a warm rush at the prospect of her sudden company. She's wearing a huge smile and says "It's me!" I cannot believe what I'm seeing, but I just know it is indeed her. So many scenarios flooding my head already, the possibilities overwhelming but reassuring. "Finally" we both say as we embrace intently. Finally, we both feel at home.

 

[nattys5thtoenail]

Don't do that! The child may turn out to be as (or more miserable) than you are now, and there is a strong risk no one will be willing to help them.

Im not going to have children because of my family history with disability, that's why I said it was a fantasy. I am an anti-natalist.

 

[BecomingDiamond]

I do too, but I'm scared since the people I thought would help me cut me off and the only people that "help' me caused majority of my pain...

 

[lnlybnny]

I wish I could have a ctb "doula", someone to be with me if I want to ctb and help me through it by making me company, hugging me, comforting me etc., or that would respect my decision to end up staying if I wanted to. Just someone who wouldn't judge me but try to understand.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I wish I had somebody who could help me discuss suicide methods with me and ways for me to leave existence as early as possible given my life and personal circumstances. I just wish that I could tell somebody what my life is like and then they advise me on how the hell to get out of existence. That's all I need, nothing else

 

[Forever Sleep]

In the past, it was nice to have someone actually notice what a mess I was in. It was a friend's Mum actually. She encouraged me to talk to a college therapist.

Now though, no- I don't think I would like it. In part, I feel like this because I think suicide is my best option practically. I don't particularly want people trying to convince me that it isn't. I wouldn't want to have to worry about them, worrying about me. It's like feeling like a burden becomes a burden in itself!

I'd likely end up trying to put on an act that I was now ok. I kind of have to do that anyway for the couple of phone calls a week I get with my Dad. If I had someone continually checking in on me, it would be exhausting to keep up that facade.

I guess the ideal here is that you would be able to be yourself and receive a supportive response. I think more realistically though, people would be more likely to push us towards things like therapy and then, expect results. Or, simply lose patience and empathy if we don't seem to be getting better.

It is pretty hard to continually be supportive to someone I think. I've even struggled with friends myself to be honest. When you do truly empathise with someone, them venting can change your mood too. It got to a point where I struggled to cope with my own problems and theirs.

I think you need to be massively strong, massively caring and committed to be able to devote yourself to someone that entirely. Or, you actually need to be able to separate yourself emotionally from it- so you don't get overwhelmed by it. How I suppose nurses have to, to an extent. So, it becomes professional, practical care.

 

[lawlietsph]

Hell yes. Daydreaming about fake scenarios nonstop. But it's all in my head, nobody cares. Nobody needs me in this world.

 

[Tig]

Everything can be so perfect when the right person is standing at your side, understanding you, loving you, helping you through the dark days.
That was my wife for me, she was my everything and the reason I woke up every morning.
Life has been horrible since she passed, no one will ever understand me like she did.
Yes, I wish there was someone to help me, but after a decade of being alone, I know it's just not going to happen.
Much less with the suicide chip on my shoulder............

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Yes, but this sort of person does not exist. The anime 'Welcome to the NHK' has a premise similar to this - someone is committed to helping a depressed NEET. But it all falls apart, and you see this savior will never be more than a fantasy.

Just read the novel; personally I didn't really connect with the main character or his friend too much but I did really like the stuff with Misaki. The second contract in particular really stood out to me.

Spoiler: for context

A will not start to hate B.
In fact, A will start to like B.
A will never change mind.
A will never have a change of heart.
When one party is lonely, the other always will be at his or her side.
As B is always lonely, basically A always will be at B's side.
If we do this, I think our lives probably will move in a good direction.
I think the painful times will go away.

If only it were that simple. It really strikes a chord with me because I tried to do something similar when I was younger. The problem was that the other person did not need me the way I needed them. Perhaps if there was someone who did things would work out.