Venting Does anyone feel sad when they eat?

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I don't mean you eat because you're sad, but.. Does anybody ever get stricken with sadness when they are doing things to keep themselves alive? Like when I take my meds the right way, I feel sad, when I eat, I feel sad, when I go to the gym, I feel sad.

I'm treating my body well and the only reason is so I'll be beautiful in death. I have no reason to do this for a future for myself.

And not sad because I'll die soon, but just because I'm just surviving enough to get by. I don't want to do any of these things, realistically. When I think about waking up, I feel sad..

It's a disaster. My life is not worth living. I am a living, breathing hurricane from hell. What is wrong with me?

 

[Stan]

I kind of do. When I was in my good place mentally I would cook from scratch. Now I just buy pre-made meals because I know I just don't have the will to do it anymore. I eat one meal a day - just because. Probably get all my calories and vitamins from caffeine and nicotine.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I kind of do. When I was in my good place mentally I would cook from scratch. Now I just buy pre-made meals because I know I just don't have the will to do it anymore. I eat one meal a day - just because. Probably get all my calories and vitamins from caffeine and nicotine.

Yeah. I don't drink pop or much with caffeine and sometimes I'll indulge in snuff but never smoked. (Not the dead kind of snuff). I eat once a day or not at all because my stomach can't handle it. Fasting won't be a problem!

 

[Sweet emotion]

Oh hell no haha. Eating is the one thing that I love to do.

 

[OreoWellington]

Yeah, because doing those things feels like it implies that you are supporting the will to live when truly in reality, this is not the case. I know exactly what you mean.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Oh hell no haha. Eating is the one thing that I love to do.

I'm glad you enjoy it. x Enjoy many foods for me.

"Because," said the hunger artist, lifting his head a little and, with his lips pursed as if for a kiss, speaking right into the supervisor's ear so that he wouldn't miss anything, "because I couldn't find a food which I enjoyed. If had found that, believe me, I would not have made a spectacle of myself and would have eaten to my heart's content, like you and everyone else." Those were his last words, but in his failing eyes there was the firm, if no longer proud, conviction that he was continuing to fast.

Wow... That's very deep and relatable.

Yeah, because doing those things feels like it implies that you are supporting the will to live when truly in reality, this is not the case. I know exactly what you mean.

I found it really hard to put it into words where it made sense, but this is a simple way to explain it and I understand it. Thank you.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I'm glad you enjoy it. x Enjoy many foods for me.


Wow... That's very deep and relatable.


I found it really hard to put it into words where it made sense, but this is a simple way to explain it and I understand it. Thank you.

I wish I could eat a lot of different foods for you but I can't. I miss all the foods I was able to eat before I got crps and jaw surgery.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I wish I could eat a lot of different foods for you but I can't. I miss all the foods I was able to eat before I got crps and jaw surgery.

I'm sorry.. Guess we won't eat good foods together then. x

 

[MeltingHeart]

Yes it feels so strange and sad to be so desperate to die but still have those innate human urges - to eat etc. But I don't enjoy food now like I once did - just do it like another human function- which is heart breaking as I used to get real pleasure from food- buying stuff, recipes , cooking , sharing meals etc. So now it just makes me feel extra sad & even feel a bit sick after....as it feels like a perverse thing to be doing when I know I want to die! - but I know starvation suicide is unrealistic (long, slow & painful) so I continue to eat for the sake of it - though very little now.

 

[Ame]

I was diagnosed and treated for a supposedly "severe" restrictive eating disorder. At best, I can be considered to be in a state of "partial remission" but I have never weight restored to a minimally healthy weight for my frame. Naturally my relationship with food is not the best. Since then I have never been able to fully appreciate foods. I can look forward to eating something and expect it to taste good (from the smell and the ingredients that went into its preparation) but I don't seem to derive any pleasure from actually consuming it. There is nothing wrong with my tongue but all flavours are "muted". I have been told by other patients that this is something that they've noticed for themselves but it is something that you have to experience in order to understand.

I have a negative affect after eating (usually feeling more anxious, depressed and irritable) and it really makes it a chore.There is a lot of guilt that comes with sustaining myself and not feeling worthy. It is a 0/10; would never recommend kind of situation.

 

[Are you lost too?]

I totally get what you mean. I thought this was very weird, I'm glad I'm not alone
Past weeks I was trying to indulge on chocolate. But not even that gives me a thrill anymore. Then I got sadder realizing that

 

[*KNAZ*]

As in I am hungry but don't know what I am hungry for. And when I do eat, the food brings me no pleasure. Like it all tastes bland. .

 

[Are you lost too?]

As in I am hungry but don't know what I am hungry for. And when I do eat, the food brings me no pleasure. Like it all tastes bland. .

Exactly. And when I eat I just keep thinking: o used to fucking love it. Now it's empty, kinda like everything else

I always remember an Eminem lyrics "but this depression ain't taking me hostage" and I'm like oh yeah I failed you eminem, I'm a fucking hotage, and I'm even sorry this bitch doesn't have a gun to my head already.

( for the record: in my native language, in which all nouns have genders , depression if a feminine word)

 

[Dreamwithinadream]

My stomach stopped working so I can barely eat anymore. When I do eat it's more like a chore and not enjoyable.

 

[Alec]

I don't mean you eat because you're sad, but.. Does anybody ever get stricken with sadness when they are doing things to keep themselves alive? Like when I take my meds the right way, I feel sad, when I eat, I feel sad, when I go to the gym, I feel sad.

I'm treating my body well and the only reason is so I'll be beautiful in death. I have no reason to do this for a future for myself.

And not sad because I'll die soon, but just because I'm just surviving enough to get by. I don't want to do any of these things, realistically. When I think about waking up, I feel sad..

It's a disaster. My life is not worth living. I am a living, breathing hurricane from hell. What is wrong with me?

YES! Exactly what you describe! I'm doing the same, going to the gym etc to leave a pretty body behind. And it makes me kind of even more depressed and when I think about it it ruins pretty much all my motivation but at the same time I remember that I wanna leave a good looking body and it kinda motivates me at the same time a bit too. But another thing about eating specifically, is that sometimes I feel more or less "ok" but then and on my second or third bite I just start to feel so sad and it's kinda of inexplicable, it's just that I start to feel tremendously sad and honestly I'm not entirely sure why, maybe it is because I start to think about "why am I eating, I'm gonna die anyway" but maybe that's not all it is. There are times where I force myself to keep eating but sometimes I just can't take another bite it's like my stomach is tied and nothing will enter it, I loose all appetite and it's like I almost loose the ability to swallow even and I just have to put the plate away because it also starts to feel kinda like I'm gonna get sick maybe.

 

[Ame]

Tangentially related, but there has been some research done on the anxiolytic effects of acute tryptophan (an essential food derived amino acid and a precursor of serotonin (like 5-hydroxytryptamine)) depletion some years back that provided some insight into why eating makes some people feel more anxious and dysphoric. However, the last I checked there was some controversy surrounding these findings. There was another study on taste and reward response that might be relevant as well.

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

A friend's husband dropped dead at the gym a few years ago from an undiagnosed heart problem. I think of that when I go and hope it happens to me.

 

[eve2004]

I kind of do. When I was in my good place mentally I would cook from scratch. Now I just buy pre-made meals because I know I just don't have the will to do it anymore. I eat one meal a day - just because. Probably get all my calories and vitamins from caffeine and nicotine.

Same. I boil frozen vegetables for dinner and drink coffee during the day.

 

[Are you lost too?]

I admire you going to the gym!

I haven't been there since this episode started. And I was like a gym fanatic (not an annoying one I promise). Not I just don't have the will.

 

[Haku]

I would say yes. I wat alot of garbage food, and when I feel like I gained weight, I starve myself for a week, not completely, I still eat but very very little, just enough so I dont get stomach pains from lack of eating. But after a week or so, my body has the urge to overeat, and I cant help it. So yes, I am very sad when I eat, and I also hate myself for it.

 

[BlueWidow]

I certainly don't eat healthy. In fact, I think I purposely avoid eating healthy hoping it will make me die faster. I know that's probably silly. Any food that the medical community claims has a carcinogen in it or anything like that, I go out and buy out as much of it as I can and eat it, hoping that I'll get cancer or something.
I've been doing a lot of things to try to make it look like I'm planning for the future. Last month (October), I bought my calendars for the next year like I always do. I've also been buying large amounts of stuff like I'm trying to stock up on various things for the winter and so on. I figure they can give whatever I don't use to the Goodwill or something.

 

[Twsres]

Always. Eating is a sign of weakness and if I wasn't so fucking worthless and had the tiniest bit of willpower I could go without eating. Fortunately, there's punishment via vomiting

 

[noaccount]

Something like this. Yes. I have never had the aptitude to starve myself, but... I grieve about that? In the way of... Sustaining myself seems like making myself a target.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Yes I do. Because Im getting fat.

 

[sullengirl]

Starvation has been the way I express to my physical body that I no longer want to be bound by it. It feels very strange to continue on as normal when you don't have the will, or you know the time is coming. It really kills the appetite for me.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Yes I do. Because Im getting fat.

Sometimes I feel this way as well... But I also have trouble eating. I have a choking problem.

Starvation has been the way I express to my physical body that I no longer want to be bound by it. It feels very strange to continue on as normal when you don't have the will, or you know the time is coming. It really kills the appetite for me.

Yep, you hit the nail on the head. As well as for me, I have a problem where I choke on my food about 85% of the time as well as IBS. Eating is not a positive thing in my life.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I eat very little and most of it junk. Don't cook anymore. The food is going in but it ain't a comin out!
Now that makes me sad.

 

[Dishonorable]

the opposite. I feel high when I eat or better say binge, but I am not treating my body good because I purge it all. outside of binging and purging I am starving myself, soo..

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I loathe food, I enjoy cooking for the family but anything for me, Nah I can't stand it, Ill eat it if I have too, which I do, but I hate it!! My husband will try and cook me steak and veg to tempt me but I'd rather not ta! I am still a fat cow though some how, maybe that's the rum though