Does anyone feel like their decision to CTB is getting easier by the day?

[SMmetalhead36]

Everyday is like a new kind of hell. I have completely checked out of life. It's always something. I have no desire to go on. I am also at the point where there's nothing anyone can say that will make me want to continue to live here another day.

 

[_Minsk]

Same, never been closer to ctb

 

[Cress]

Catching the bus gets easier with time I find the methods that I was previously horrified by or revolted by slowly I come to terms with it

 

[voyager]

Agreed, yes. Was saying the same thing five years ago after a nasty incident, why suffer time and time again for little to no joy in between? Felt ready back then and when coming on here, but lost my momentum with a decision that led to a u-turn which then depressed/paralysed me and led to even more trauma due to a welfare check. There it was again, the suffering, and it took a while to regain my balance. Now, with that behind me, acceptance has again taken it's place and actually cherish it all as part of the journey. Have been killed off so much that I now feel readier than ever, but I want it to be perfect. That's my last drive.

 

[Fktw0rld]

I'm about 3 weeks out and I couldn't be more excited. I was imagining si would be an issue the closer I got but it's proving to be the opposite. I'm sure the day of I'll have some hesitation but my plan is to stay as high as a kite on all the uppers and stimulants I have then quit everything cold turkey 2 days prior to throw myself into withdrawal and misery. That should wipe out whatever si plans on f**king with me as I prepare my exit strategy.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I'm too far gone now to even want to get better, and I'm comfortable with the thought that I'm definitely going to ctb.
It's a sweet point of acceptance and I'll be happy to go when the time comes.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've always wished to ctb, all that comforts me is the thought of eternally not existing as it's undeniable that existing just causes suffering. All that I wish for is to no longer be able to suffer in this hellish reality where there is no limit as to how torturous existing can get, so wanting to die is all that feels rational.

But in my case the problem lies in how suicide is purposely made so inacessible, I despise how it's so difficult to be free from this pro-suffering world despite the fact that only an eternal, dreamless sleep appeals to me. But certainly as time goes on I certainly just wish to be free more and more, I'm certainly very tired of feeling stuck here, death is the only relief in the curse that is existence.

 

[mybodyisaprisoncell]

Yes but tbh the more I read about SN the more I realize it seems agonzing and not relatively "peaceful" like we've been led to believe. Now I don't know what to do. I just keep willing myself to die, but obviously that won't work unless miracles do happen. Not sure of any other methods I could make myself go through with. I think about jumping but idk man.

 

[IWishToDie]

Everyday is like a new kind of hell. I have completely checked out of life. It's always something. I have no desire to go on. I am also at the point where there's nothing anyone can say that will make me want to continue to live here another day.

The past just keeps drifting away and yet, I feel trapped back there. The nightmare just worsens. I am more ready since joining SaSu then I have ever been. Looking at the scale and aquarium kit for testing. When I have the balls to check my messages and try a few websites, I might just order some SN. Worried about welfare checks but I will ask suppliers to falsely label the product as being a lower purity so the meat processing argument works. Maybe I'm thinking too much. I just want it to all be over.