Does anyone ever feel like "HOW/Why the F am I still here?”

[BeautifulMosaics]

Like it's amazing the strength us humans have inside us. The hope and optimism even when all the odds seem clearly stacked and the best years that you missed are behind you. I never wanted to suicide because I hated life - I think life is beautiful, the world just needs to be a better place; I wanted to suicide because of my brain and my personal internal situation. Yet I'm still here - I don't feel foolish, because I'll always have the SN.

I have something to look forward to, an alternative medicine that has proven effects/studies which show it helps open the mind and break down barriers. It's the only thing keeping me going. I still feel depressed about all those years wasted. How foolish I was, the things in my mind I let stop me - how stupidly foolish. But there's nothing I can do now, I think it was my destiny, because if it wasn't for turning a certain age and feeling I'd run out of time, I probably wouldn't have come to this discovery.
Oh and btw, I have to thank the lovely people of SS for leading me to this, y'all suggested it to me when I was going to do a ctb test run. So thanks, once again guys.

That's why I believe in sharing your problems, because you never know what's out there.

 

[chocolatebar]

I ask myself how I'm still here too, nut from a different perspective. It's impressive how time seems to move around us so quickly when we're stuck.

 

[pharma]

I do. But everytime i ask myself that question I feel like i've become a different person... like parts of me are slowly dying. But i agree, the whole "things to look forward to" keeps me going some days, even if its dumb like "im going out to eat tonight"

 

[LittleJem]

what is the alternative medicine? please/thank you

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

Yeah I wonder why I'm here. I wish I'd died 23 years ago when I first tried to kms. I have done absolutely nothing noteworthy in those 23 years and wouldn't have missed a thing. If I had died, and could have looked back, I wouldn't have regretted it even a bit. I'm miserable. Have been for a long long time. I've tried to CTB so many times. Its a wonder how I'm still here. The answer must simply be some people find it incredibly hard to kill themselves. Obviously that's exactly how governments want it. Fucking bastards

 

[Hollowman]

What's the alternative medicine you're looking forward to trying?

 

[suicidalloser]

No. I am still here because there is method available to me, no longer after recently my SN taken and dumped. And never a euthanasia option. They got their wishes, I'm forced alive to die by old age, or so I'm criminalised, sectioned for eternity for simply wanting to end my own pain, to be free and relieved for once.

 

[Misfit72]

All the time. Some people wake up grateful that they're still alive, I wake up wondering why I still am.

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

what is the alternative medicine? please/thank you

What's the alternative medicine you're looking forward to trying?

Magic mushrooms. Haven't used them properly to see if they work. And probably too far gone anyway.

 

[Hollowman]

Magic mushrooms. Haven't used them properly enough to see if they work. And probably too far gone anyway.

I see, I tried micro dosing but it didn't do much. I'm so far gone maybe I should try eating a bunch and trip hard before I give up.

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

I see, I tried micro dosing but it didn't do much. I'm so far gone maybe I should try eating a bunch and trip hard before I give up.

Lol I wonder what kinda trip that would be, knowing you plan to die soon.