S
shelaysdown
sleeping in, for today
- Dec 4, 2023
- 17
Hey all.
I'm back at home for a few weeks, just visiting family and friends. I wish I could say I'm enjoying it, but for some reason I'm having such a hard time with suicidal thoughts and self-harming desires.
I think about the fact that I lived here for 17 years and I just want to cry - so much of that time was spent feeling horrible.
I've built up coping mechanisms, routines and connections in my new city. When I come home, I'm just floundering. After about a week here I fully fall back into depression every time, and I have no idea how to crawl out of that hole unless I leave the city again.
I'm just waiting out the days until I can go back to what feels like my real home. I wish I could just enjoy reconnecting with my family but it's brutal. I don't even want to be around them, I just want to be alone. I just want to die, honestly.
I'm back at home for a few weeks, just visiting family and friends. I wish I could say I'm enjoying it, but for some reason I'm having such a hard time with suicidal thoughts and self-harming desires.
I think about the fact that I lived here for 17 years and I just want to cry - so much of that time was spent feeling horrible.
I've built up coping mechanisms, routines and connections in my new city. When I come home, I'm just floundering. After about a week here I fully fall back into depression every time, and I have no idea how to crawl out of that hole unless I leave the city again.
I'm just waiting out the days until I can go back to what feels like my real home. I wish I could just enjoy reconnecting with my family but it's brutal. I don't even want to be around them, I just want to be alone. I just want to die, honestly.