Discussion Does anyone else who is suicidal get really angry?

[OutOfThisBody]

My day is coming up, and I sometimes get really angry. I'll have arguments in my head and get mad in real life, and I'll throw things around or hit things. I'm mostly angry because the world wants to keep me here in pain, and gaslights me about why I want to die.

 

[Alias Pluto]

Yeah I get angry because I can't communicate what I mean to say and feel misunderstood and in pain all the time. I get angry for my mistakes and wish i wasn't such a burden and just could disappear out of this human body.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Yes, and I was told by a counselor once that suicidal persons can have issues filtering their anger. When Im set, and close to CTB I have issues with that. Yes.

 

[deadbidaylight]

I am in recovery and was suicidal many times before, but more so passively. I think about it all the time but I've never actually attempted. I had one close call when my father walked in on me hanging the noose.

Anyway, I have anger problems. My patience goes from 100 to 0 in nanoseconds and when I get mad I almost can't control myself. I've done a lot of really dumb things in the heat of the moment. I'm now on a new medication and it seems to be helping a lot with it.

 

[ToANewWorld]

I don't feel angry at anyone in particular. I feel anger at myself. At the universe for derailing my life ambitions.

If I could flip off the universe one last time by having kids and passing down my genes before I CTB, I would do it in a heart beat

 

[Subhumano]

I never get angry

 

[22yearsbroken]

I suffer with Hepatic encphalopathy.. when it kicks in my mood swings can be bad.. get triggerd by blood presure or well mainly stress and always when im making my plan ..my plan istnt gonna happen tomorrow but thinking planning organising gives the H.E a nudge.. and ill tend to lock my self away for days..

 

[F@#$]

Fuckin A I do. I'm all pissed off about nothing/everything right now.

 

[Withered]

I do sometimes feel angry, but then I let myself feel the sadness that which the anger veils despite the fear of being unable to stop feeling sad. Then I feel numb, but no longer angry.

 

[JesiBel]

Yes, I feel emotionally unbalanced. I can become somewhat violent or reckless with my words or actions. Or I can be overly sensitive and burst into tears over the smallest things. I don't like being like this; I can't control it. I don't want to be cruel to others. It's not their fault, it's only mine. Afterwards I can't stop overthinking about what I did. I hate it.

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

Sometimes when I think about the course my life has taken, I get so angry that I physically can't contain it and I have to bite myself on a specific part of my arm to make the feeling subside

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

Yes. I try not to interact with pro lifers anymore because they're really good at riling me up.
They ask me questions that I've asked myself too many times.

I also get angry at the world in general for forcing us oftentimes to use babaric methods.

 

[kipper]

I'm often frustrated with my life circumstances and the unfairness of it all... I used to rage out when younger, even. Now I feel trapped and sad.

 

[Apokryphiel]

Yes. I'm never able to take it out on anything, so it builds up for a long time.

 

[SNastablesalt]

My day is coming up, and I sometimes get really angry. I'll have arguments in my head and get mad in real life, and I'll throw things around or hit things. I'm mostly angry because the world wants to keep me here in pain, and gaslights me about why I want to die.

i get angry because im suicidal, and suicidal because i get angry

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

Yes. I try not to interact with pro lifers anymore because they're really good at riling me up.
They ask me questions that I've asked myself too many times.

I also get angry at the world in general for forcing us oftentimes to use babaric methods.

This really is the only place I can talk about suicide.
I don't want help. I just want to enjoy my final few months ffs.

the fact i can only talk about it here makes me kinda angry (dw i love you guys)
I want to be the one who owns my life.

 

[Namelesa]

I rarely get angry at most things but if it is about anti-suicide/pro life stuff I can very easily enraged from that. I get so angry at my family sometimes for creating me, trapping me and preventing my ctb attempts that I sometimes hurt them physically. I just want to die but everything prevents me from doing so.

 

[KillingPain267]

Not angry or violent, but irritated definitely.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not quite as severe as anger but definitely frustrated and extremely resentful. At having life to begin with and at being expected to maintain it.

 

[brokeandbroken]

My day is coming up, and I sometimes get really angry. I'll have arguments in my head and get mad in real life, and I'll throw things around or hit things. I'm mostly angry because the world wants to keep me here in pain, and gaslights me about why I want to die.

Look im angry all the time because of everything that has happened. I'm not an angry person by nature and I do have best to force everything out of mind. Because one of the reasons I'm not a particularly angry person is before this in life I'd do something about it or it wasn't something important enough to do something about and therefore I be angry. That said with what happened and just life in general I'm out of cards to play. I've done everything i can do. So what happens when you just literally cant do anything. I dont mean you physically cant but for reasons xyz you just have absolutely 0 fucking moves in life. That doesn't make me feel better though. I know maybe there is some solace in knowing there's no stone unturned. But here no. You can put lipstick on a pig it is still a pig and that would be making my life out to be much better than it is. So when I can't do anything about it as my cards are gone and have the desire to do something about it. It creates a internal battle that is extremely difficult to deal with. For instance I can drink the least offensive of all escapism options but thats a bad long term solution. It also increases mental health issues later on like PTSD. Sitting with you feelings in this situation is about the best you can do. Which means if there's a miracle and my life does improve I can decrease the amount of problems then. Same with drugs. Obviously they have their own problems which are obvious.
The net result of the scenario though is worsening of my depression and suicidality. The worsening depression/suicidality makes me want to do something and makes me.... I think you can continue this from there. My motivation to do something is a significant reason for my suicidality that leads me to be suicidal. It does help I have some gym equipment where I am at and I can run again after injuring my ACL last summer.

The other part to be overly pedantic is my life is rapidly getting to the point where no matter what happens it just isn't worth living. I'm having my life stolen out from under me everyday. Either I'm never going to have a life in which case i should kill myself as it isnt worth living or I will in which every time I go to sleep is a day I would've gotten to live that I now don't. I'm not dead but this is far from life. And the bullshit part is I have absolutely 0 control over it. It's just being alive and I'm not sure you can call it that.

This was way too long but hell yeah im angry.

 

[lunar02102009]

I do , i just wish i could end everything quickly without pain because im done