Does anyone else want to attempt but fail just to say you experienced it?

[1DayItWillBover]

This shit really about to get me to google how many sleeping pills is enough to die.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I don't really want to do that. If I am going to CTB, then it better be a success because I don't want to survive it and end up being worse off than before.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Done that many times tbh
Experience near drowning and having a tube shoved inside your throat! Great free time activity

 

[moonchild]

Sometimes I feel like I'd be taken more seriously if I had an attempt behind me, and that it would therefore make it somewhat easier to try and get better. Like I'd get better help and support, and people would be more understanding. But also, I highly doubt that's how it works.

 

[nomorefight]

I've thought it many times but less for the experience and more to be heard. I have two methods planned: one where I will get caught and one where I won't. It is all about deciding what I really want

 

[BPD Barbie]

Can tell you what it's like: not fun, charcoal tastes like shit, enjoy puking your guts up and getting sectioned and every single member of your friends and family looking at you and treating you differently.

 

[Paralyzed boy]

Yeah as other Said people that have impulsive outbreaks verbally or physically and fail to CTB could possibly be worse off. I think that rather than try a lot of times Wanting to end in the moment it often passes although the ideation never leaves me. All I can say is be kind to yourself and take it slow because I noticed that in the times that I wanted to impulsively at attempted CTB I would tell myself to sleep it off and see what tomorrow is like. I'll remind myself that What I need is not attention What I want is a way to cope with my thoughts and suffering.

 

[LastRide]

No not really....surviving when you really wanted to die is one of the most horrible feelings you could ever have ! But you might not have wanted to die....then just don't try, you might get very much hurt in the prcess (physically of course but alos mentally !).

 

[Marktheghost]

I attempted suicide, and actually do feel a little bit less depressed since then. I'm not sure why.

I suppose it was an interesting experience; if it wasn't for the risk of suffering so much I think I would (at least jokingly) recommend it!

 

[autumnal]

Does anyone else want to attempt but fail just to say you experienced it?

This shit really about to get me to google how many sleeping pills is enough to die.

"Just to say you experienced it"?! This is a serious forum for discussion of suicide, either for successful methods to use or suicide recovery/prevention. Nobody here wants to try it just for shits and giggles. If there is some kind of reputation (credibility and/or sympathy) you want to gain from saying you have attempted suicide, you are much safer just lying about your history to people. If you don't actually want to die but are interested in doing it solely for the experience, I'd suggest you look into a more mainstream hobby. Your post makes me think you are either very immature age-wise, emotionally, or both.

 

[Pryras]

No, I can't see any reason to want to for the "experience"....surviving an attempt can be extremely traumatic in itself.

 

[Soul]

@autumnal is right: If you feel it would be some kind of feather in your cap, or that you'll get more attention, just say you've tried it.

 

[SleeplessSoul]

Sometimes I feel like I'd be taken more seriously if I had an attempt behind me, and that it would therefore make it somewhat easier to try and get better. Like I'd get better help and support, and people would be more understanding. But also, I highly doubt that's how it works.

I think this really depends on where you are. I've had several attempts and had absolutely no help. I've had crisis teams visit and immediately discharge me because I'm both 'too unstable' and 'not unstable enough'.

My attempts have been stressful and risked potential long term damage to my body (and puking for several hours really sucks).

I can sort of see where you're coming from but please don't do it

 

[moonchild]

I think this really depends on where you are. I've had several attempts and had absolutely no help. I've had crisis teams visit and immediately discharge me because I'm both 'too unstable' and 'not unstable enough'.

My attempts have been stressful and risked potential long term damage to my body (and puking for several hours really sucks).

I can sort of see where you're coming from but please don't do it

I hear you. And I've heard a lot of stories similar to yours, like being too bad for one kind of help but not bad enough for the different kind. It sucks, I'm sorry that happened to you. Long term damage is what scares me the most, so I have no intention of attempting unless I'm as certain as I can be that it's going to be successful. It's just some kind of wishful thinking.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Kind of. I already feel bad because I had an aborted attempt - was going to crash into a semi going over 100mph on the highway but pulled away right before we made impact. I don't feel like it was legitimate. I want to attempt "for real", because it's a strong urge and I feel like I deserve whatever happens...the pain, punishment, etc. At the same time, I would have to be admitted to a hospital and going inpatient would probably make me worse. Then there's the shame of failing and facing friends and family.

This shit really about to get me to google how many sleeping pills is enough to die.

Also, I think that is known as "parasuicide"?

 

[Arrow]

No, I can't see any reason to want to for the "experience"....surviving an attempt can be extremely traumatic in itself.

 

[Walilamdzi]

No I just want to leave this existence.

 

[SleeplessSoul]

No, I can't see any reason to want to for the "experience"....surviving an attempt can be extremely traumatic in itself.

I just saw this comment and 100% yes. I'm still a bit traumatised from my last attempt (it was impulsive so I can't even be sure if it it was intentional). The month after it I was just walking around not knowing what was happening, not being to able comprehend the severity of it and having no one to talk to about it

Also, I think that is known as "parasuicide"?

That's probably right!

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I just saw this comment and 100% yes. I'm still a bit traumatised from my last attempt (it was impulsive so I can't even be sure if it it was intentional). The month after it I was just walking around not knowing what was happening, not being to able comprehend the severity of it and having no one to talk to about it



That's probably right!

Thank you. And I'm so sorry to read that you were traumatized like that. Suicide attempts are very taxing. I'm sorry you had to manage it alone. :(

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

We provide a space to discuss the topic of suicide without the censorship of other places, as well a community that can understand and let you be yourself without judging you. Feel free to use this forum to vent, talk to like-minded individuals...

I person don't share your sentiments, but I don't judge or invalidate them or you. I'm sorry you're not getting much in the way of responses that help you feel less alone in this. In my time on the forum I have occasionally seen others express similar sentiments, but I can't think of a search term to help you find them. (Note: Just as I was about to post this comment, other replies came up that show there are some with whom your words resonate).

There are variations in how people experience and approach suicidality. For instance, ideation is not the same as acting; some folks want to die but also don't want to stop being alive, or vice-versa; some folks seem to get a kind of relief from attempting, akin to cutting; etc.

Being focused on support, SS is a place where people generally like to be able to say something that can make a difference and help the person asking a question. I've noticed in support-based environments irl and online that when the issue is an outlier from the norm, there will be silence for a bit if no one can relate, but there is a sense of discomfort that no one was able to effectively address the issue, a sense of disempowerment. So to to fill in the silence and to feel like at least something can be accomplished, someone may step up and say the question is wrong, the idea is wrong, and it doesn't fit in the environment, therefore the issues (and by extension, the person) don't fit in the environment. Others may join the bandwagon, and at the end, some folks can have the satisfaction that at least something was accomplished, while the person asking for help may end up feeling even more helpless, different, and marginalized than before they spoke up, which may have taken a lot of strength to do. They may think, "What's the point? I'm never going to try again."

I hope you won't take on anything in this thread that isn't meeting your need. Just because there's no one at this moment connecting with you doesn't mean they don't exist (and it seems some are starting to arrive), they just may not be active at the moment, or haven't yet joined. Maybe you feel like you got helpful advice even though it was different from your original goal and have changed your outlook, but if not, please know that you're not inherently wrong just because not everyone gets your current outlook connects with it, or validates it.

 

[autumnal]

We provide a space to discuss the topic of suicide without the censorship of other places, as well a community that can understand and let you be yourself without judging you. Feel free to use this forum to vent, talk to like-minded individuals...

I person don't share your sentiments, but I don't judge or invalidate them or you. I'm sorry you're not getting much in the way of responses that help you feel less alone in this. In my time on the forum I have occasionally seen others express similar sentiments, but I can't think of a search term to help you find them. (Note: Just as I was about to post this comment, other replies came up that show there are some with whom your words resonate).

There are variations in how people experience and approach suicidality. For instance, ideation is not the same as acting; some folks want to die but also don't want to stop being alive, or vice-versa; some folks seem to get a kind of relief from attempting, akin to cutting; etc.

Being focused on support, SS is a place where people generally like to be able to say something that can make a difference and help the person asking a question. I've noticed in support-based environments irl and online that when the issue is an outlier from the norm, there will be silence for a bit if no one can relate, but there is a sense of discomfort that no one was able to effectively address the issue, a sense of disempowerment. So to to fill in the silence and to feel like at least something can be accomplished, someone may step up and say the question is wrong, the idea is wrong, and it doesn't fit in the environment, therefore the issues (and by extension, the person) don't fit in the environment. Others may join the bandwagon, and at the end, some folks can have the satisfaction that at least something was accomplished, while the person asking for help may end up feeling even more helpless, different, and marginalized than before they spoke up, which may have taken a lot of strength to do. They may think, "What's the point? I'm never going to try again."

I hope you won't take on anything in this thread that isn't meeting your need. Just because there's no one at this moment connecting with you doesn't mean they don't exist (and it seems some are starting to arrive), they just may not be active at the moment, or haven't yet joined. Maybe you feel like you got helpful advice even though it was different from your original goal and have changed your outlook, but if not, please know that you're not inherently wrong just because not everyone gets your current outlook connects with it, or validates it.

Those are some incredibly good insights into the group dynamics around this kind of post.

 

[Fire&Ash]

I don't want to fail, because I would have to face my familys harsh criticism. But I read that people who attempted say they realized they didn't want to die. Saw some article but pretty sure that's not always true so

 

[maru.]

This shit really about to get me to google how many sleeping pills is enough to die.

I deeply understand what you mean, i'm in a similar boat.
I've mentioned a few times that i want to ctb in a party with friends, that does increase the chances of being saved.
Well, deep down, that's kind of part of the plan.
Not that i don't want to ctb, but it's like, if i die, wonderful, if i don't, well, maybe people will take me seriously.
If i survive and that doesn't happen, then i can try again with a more certain plan.
It's just tiring to have people thinking that it's all your fault.
Like, i know this is a selfish plan of mine, but it's like, even though a lot of friends and especially my parents know i have depression, i'm not taken seriously.
It feels like deep down everyone thinks i'm just looking for attention, or for excuses for my failures, no one actually believes my problems no matter what i say.
And deep down, even i doubt if that's not the case afterall.
Almost killing myself would do more than any words could ever hope to achieve, to convince the people around me, and myself.
If i do end up dying in the end tho, if i'm not saved, well, whatever, that works pretty well too, and it's a lot more certain.

 

[SleeplessSoul]

I deeply understand what you mean, i'm in a similar boat.
I've mentioned a few times that i want to ctb in a party with friends, that does increase the chances of being saved.
Well, deep down, that's kind of part of the plan.
Not that i don't want to ctb, but it's like, if i die, wonderful, if i don't, well, maybe people will take me seriously.
If i survive and that doesn't happen, then i can try again with a more certain plan.
It's just tiring to have people thinking that it's all your fault.
Like, i know this is a selfish plan of mine, but it's like, even though a lot of friends and especially my parents know i have depression, i'm not taken seriously.
It feels like deep down everyone thinks i'm just looking for attention, or for excuses for my failures, no one actually believes my problems no matter what i say.
And deep down, even i doubt if that's not the case afterall.
Almost killing myself would do more than any words could ever hope to achieve, to convince the people around me, and myself.
If i do end up dying in the end tho, if i'm not saved, well, whatever, that works pretty well too, and it's a lot more certain.

Oh man I'm so sorry. I can really see where you're coming from and that freaking sucks doesn't it? I wish there was a way you could show them how bad it was without it, but I can also tell you that them finding out you've made an attempt won't always help them understand. I had a similar thing in my first year of undergrad and it just left me with some very intensive unstable friendships. I'm not judging you though and I hope it doesn't feel that way. One of my last overdoses I wasn't sure if I wanted to die or not, but I also wasn't bothered either way. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk

 

[maru.]

Oh man I'm so sorry. I can really see where you're coming from and that freaking sucks doesn't it? I wish there was a way you could show them how bad it was without it, but I can also tell you that them finding out you've made an attempt won't always help them understand. I had a similar thing in my first year of undergrad and it just left me with some very intensive unstable friendships. I'm not judging you though and I hope it doesn't feel that way. One of my last overdoses I wasn't sure if I wanted to die or not, but I also wasn't bothered either way. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk

Thank you for understanding, and no, i don't feel judged, it's okay.
I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to you, i know that it's a real possibility, and a terrible one.
However, i don't mind, if things turn out the way i hope, great, if the don't, i can just try again, "for real" this time.

 

[blivogade]

I understand the feeling, do you feel you'd be taken more seriously if you could say that you'd attempted? or perhaps you feel that you are more valid having done so?
Unfortunately mental health services arent the best, i wasn't taken seriously until i attempted, and that honestly needs to change.
You are valid regardless of whether you have had an attempt or not.

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

Not really. The closer from that I ever went was when I tried to cut my wrists with a nail cutter; but when I saw it wouldn't work I just kept cutting because it felt good. I didn't even feel any pain, but it felt almost relaxing.

 

[Isittimetogonola]

No. I want this to be a one and done.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

This shit really about to get me to google how many sleeping pills is enough to die.

That would an exceptionally cruel thing to do. The waste of hospital resources, trauma to family and friends. Anyone who would fake such a desire is, in my view, despicable. People with that mindset use up resources needlessly, that could conceivably help others.

 

[maru.]

That would an exceptionally cruel thing to do. The waste of hospital resources, trauma to family and friends. Anyone who would fake such a desire is, in my view, despicable. People with that mindset use up resources needlessly, that could conceivably help others.

I have to disagree.
Considering that we don't know @1DayItWillBover 's in depth reasoning for wanting this, i feel like saying that it's "cruel" is unfair.
Especially considering what some people have mentioned here, something that is more common that i thought, that desire to try and fail, almost as a cry for help.
Yes, it wastes hospital resources.
Yes, it brings trauma to people.
Still, it's not something done with the purpose of achiving those things.
That's why i don't think it's fair to call any of the people that do it, or want to do it, "despicable".
I say this because i don't think a person can simply fake a desire like this, something that is so personal, and doing it for no good reason.
For someone to attempt suicide, while wanting it to fail, i mean, that's still a very extreme act, there must be a reason for it, it's not something done out of nowhere.
Like i've said before, a lot of times it's a cry for help.

Sorry if i sounded agressive in my reply, that's not the intention, i understand what you mean and i respect your opinion.
My point is that, in my eyes, anyone that would attempt such an extreme thing, would do it for an equally extreme reason, they're clearly not ok.
That's why it's important to have empathy, always, especially in a forum like this where everyone is so miserable already, like, no one ends up here by chance.
It's important to understand what leads to someone having said desires.
I repeat, i understand what you mean and i'm really sorry if at any moment i sounded disrespectful, i'm just trying to express what i really think.