Help Does anyone else suddenly start questioning their method

[TiredAndReadyToGo]

As the title says, but I have been doing extensive research into my method and it can be reliably lethal no problem but I find that I am questioning it more and more just due to the delirium. I have no idea what it could make me do and I don't want to go and get myself caught because I am delirious. I have 14mg of xan (or 24mg if I take the ones I don't trust fully) which should be an equivalent to 300mg of valium according to the conversion chart, but I worry it won't knock me out just leave me too physically unable to move or react to the delirum and I will be in a sort of torture. I've tested xan recently and a half bar-three quart bar puts me out but with the added diphen I wonder if it will negate it or what.

The accounts of previous OD's on this from people who survived a otherwise lethal dose is that typically they don't remember it, they just (at least mentally) blackout and they remember waking up in the hospital. I feel like it is a very viable method still but if you have the right benzos since xan and valium typically work in (slightly) different ways but I am worrying last second. I mean I wish I had access to a more peaceful method but definitely on a bigger time crunch now than previously.

I have recently been even thinking of trying to buy H and OD on that, I know purity can be an issue but even if its only 30% pure that would need an dose of 1.5g at most shouldn't it? It seems like a good way, you feel like your wrapped in blankets, in a euphoric state (which will be nice as I haven't felt true joy in a while) and then you drift to sleep/blackout in your own world to die of respiratory failure. Not too shabby sounding if I may say so.

I mean even with H couldn't you mix it with a benzo to ensure it's calming for the brief time your cognizant? I have been doing research on both but I feel like I am going crazy trying to decipher which is the best way to go about it and deciding.

I don't have a source for H yet but will try to hit up my normal guy since he has quite a selection of other things or even see if he can set me up with someone else who does. I would do it under the guise of it being for a friend who just got back from fishing out west who got into it on the boat because I know that it happens rather frequently and avoids suspicion on me trying to CTB. My city has a big problem for heroin and meth so I don't think it would be hard to track down a user and see if they can hook me up with their source in a worst case.

What do y'all think, I am worried I am just massively overthinking this but with it being my last decision I want to make sure it's going to work. Last thing I want is to wake up in a psych hospital because at that point I will be financially ruined and last resort will be extra-strength Tylenol without anti-emetics (might be able to get some more but not sure) and without the calming effect of xanax. Sorry for the long posts and changing my time frame all the time but I am truly at the end and need to make the best decision to achieve my goals.

I feel like the hardest part is just knowing for an hour before that there is no turning back, that the decision has been made until it comes time to take the pills an hour later. Is there something wrong with me, I know death in my case is far preferable to my future (gonna keep that vague for personal reasons) but it just feels so hard to pull the trigger and do it given the uncertainty of diphen delirum and xan substitution.

 

[TiredAndReadyToGo]

Just gonna give this a bump, because I genuinely want peoples advice here. I'm not sure if H would be the better way to go

 

[MeltingHeart]

what does this mean? a half bar-three quart bar puts me out but with the added diphen? what is a half bar & what is diphen? 14mg of Xan alone doesnt sounds like that much.

 

[TiredAndReadyToGo]

what does this mean? a half bar-three quart bar puts me out but with the added diphen? what is a half bar & what is diphen? 14mg of Xan alone doesnt sounds like that much.

Sorry I should have clarified, I have seen xanax pills that are 2mg a piece are typically referred to as bars because of the shape, if I am wrong in that that is just my bad. Half bar meaning 1mg, or three quart meaning 1.5mg. The xanax is just to put me to sleep hopefully with the diphenhydramine, in north america benadryl, UK is typically nytol or sominex. It is dose dependent and I will be taking 7g of it, the lethal I have seen in my research is 2.8g-4g was thinking 5g but figured since it is dose dependent it should just work faster at even higher doses. The only part of Benadryl that is worrying me is if the xanax doesn't knock me out, the delirum is how some people get found and I don't want to be found because I was having tactile hallucinations.

I was thinking H instead for that reason since it has pleasant symptoms before you just drift off feeling good, plus it works a little faster and once you do it no going back because you'll either black out or feel too good/not care enough to change your mind. Just doesn't seem that bad. Could take amount 1.5g to avoid issues regarding purity, since that assumes it is only 30% pure and even if it's laced with F then it only kills you faster. I have just never bought H so I would have to look into what look for when buying it to make sure I don't get ripped off but that's doable

 

[MeltingHeart]

I would do H if I could get it. I would say that if yr research included info there had been a fatal overdose at 7g, does not necessarily mean that it would be fatal for everyone-but you would likely be hospitalised, overdoses for OTC medicines are very rare-they are designed to just make you be sick (same with anti-ds), the symptoms of a huge overdose dose sound pretty awful tbh. In my opinion I would advice against this.

 

[TiredAndReadyToGo]

I would do H if I could get it. I would say that if yr research included info there had been a fatal overdose at 7g, does not necessarily mean that it would be fatal for everyone-but you would likely be hospitalised, overdoses for OTC medicines are very rare-they are designed to just make you be sick (same with anti-ds), the symptoms of a huge overdose dose sound pretty awful tbh. In my opinion I would advice against this.

In a general sense OTC meds are not likely to be fatal but diphenhydramine is one of the last few that are at least where I am. It is pretty common to use it to get "high" but its a dirty high because of the nausea, tactile hallucinations, feeling of heaviness or numbness, even hearing things that aren't there. Those tend to happen at 1g> doses and 1.5g< typically has higher chance of coma and seizures with constant to decreasing probability of hallucinations, and pyschosis. It has potential for sure the mg per kg for lethality is 40mg per kg which 7g is closer to 70mg per kg. It causes heart failure (multiple types or conditions) due to sodium channel blockers but can also cause respiratory failure, or it can be the anticholinergic poisoning. It just isn't pleasant because of the side effects unless you have benzo's to knock you out (where the 14-24mg of xanax would be coming in). I am just worried about xanax keeping me asleep the whole time as it's half life is much shorter than thay of valium and works slightly differently.

H definitely seems like the preferable way I just didn't want to start looking into it if it wasn't recommended since I have seen varying accounts. I'm going to look into H a little more

 

[MeltingHeart]

In a general sense OTC meds are not likely to be fatal but diphenhydramine is one of the last few that are at least where I am. It is pretty common to use it to get "high" but its a dirty high because of the nausea, tactile hallucinations, feeling of heaviness or numbness, even hearing things that aren't there. Those tend to happen at 1g> doses and 1.5g< typically has higher chance of coma and seizures with constant to decreasing probability of hallucinations, and pyschosis. It has potential for sure the mg per kg for lethality is 40mg per kg which 7g is closer to 70mg per kg. It causes heart failure (multiple types or conditions) due to sodium channel blockers but can also cause respiratory failure, or it can be the anticholinergic poisoning. It just isn't pleasant because of the side effects unless you have benzo's to knock you out (where the 14-24mg of xanax would be coming in). I am just worried about xanax keeping me asleep the whole time as it's half life is much shorter than thay of valium and works slightly differently.

H definitely seems like the preferable way I just didn't want to start looking into it if it wasn't recommended since I have seen varying accounts. I'm going to look into H a little more

Why do u mean u are worried about Xanax keeping u asleep the "whole time" when what's happening?

 

[TiredAndReadyToGo]

Why do u mean u are worried about Xanax keeping u asleep the "whole time" when what's happening?

Benadryl had a sedative effect and will eventually work to put you to sleep but without benzo's to put you out, you will have those negative symptoms until you are put to sleep by the sedative effect which some report happened very quickly others say it took hours, the xanax is to put you to sleep and hopefully keep you that way until either a coma from the diphen or it's sleeping effects come into play.

300mg Valium is what's recommended in the wikibooks cocktail because it is a long acting benzo but xanax is 20x stronger than valium so 14mg is 280mg equivalent dose of valium (24mg of I take the ones I am not certain about due to just appearing a little powdery but what would be the harm of taking them anyways, best case they're real or contain F, worst case they're baking soda/powder pressed but should be able to rule that out if the bar snaps in half properly not crumbling when snapped) if I go with the 24mg of xanax then it should be almost 480mg equivalent dose of valium. I just worry that it could go poorly/be terrible for my last few hours instead of just shooting up (maybe eatting if I can't get a needle but would try to get one since it just turns into morphine when digested and would need way more) and feeling nice and warm, comfortable, feeling good for one last time before I go.

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

Yes! I've gone from method 1 to method 2 to method 3 and have ended back at method 1.

about 14 years ago I was going through some horrible insomnia. One night I took 750 milligrams (not even a gram) of benedryl... what happened in the next 12 hours was scary and strange. I woke up in the hospital on IV fluids, and was released once stable because I denied any attempt at suicide , which was true. I had no idea how bad an OTC drug could be.

Once the 750mg started to hit me, My entire body was numb, I couldn't walk 2 steps without completely falling over, I could not urinate even though I had to go really bad, I started having panic attacks, I could not swallow and that's the last thing I remember, I guess my dad got me to the ER in his car. Apparently I was thrashing about trying to stand and hallucinating I am not sure why he didnt call an ambulance but I dont remember anything past the point I realized I could not swallow.

That's my story. But again , that was not the lethal dose and I had no other drugs in my system to knock me out. I think if you do some solid research you will see that this is probably not a preferable method if you have other options.

Your other option would seem to be a much more euphoric and peaceful transition. The bad stuff that I think happens from an H overdose you may not even be aware of. If I could go out with H or opiods I would choose that over benedryl

 

[TiredAndReadyToGo]

Yes! I've gone from method 1 to method 2 to method 3 and have ended back at method 1.

about 14 years ago I was going through some horrible insomnia. One night I took 750 milligrams (not even a gram) of benedryl... what happened in the next 12 hours was scary and strange. I woke up in the hospital on IV fluids, and was released once stable because I denied any attempt at suicide , which was true. I had no idea how bad an OTC drug could be.

Once the 750mg started to hit me, My entire body was numb, I couldn't walk 2 steps without completely falling over, I could not urinate even though I had to go really bad, I started having panic attacks, I could not swallow and that's the last thing I remember, I guess my dad got me to the ER in his car. Apparently I was thrashing about trying to stand and hallucinating I am not sure why he didnt call an ambulance but I dont remember anything past the point I realized I could not swallow.

That's my story. But again , that was not the lethal dose and I had no other drugs in my system to knock me out. I think if you do some solid research you will see that this is probably not a preferable method if you have other options.

Your other option would seem to be a much more euphoric and peaceful transition. The bad stuff that I think happens from an H overdose you may not even be aware of. If I could go out with H or opiods I would choose that over benedryl

I'm with you there, lots of people have a really bad time at 1g> doses, it isn't normally the most peaceful method which is where you mix in benzo's but can be reliable if not found early. Tech-9 used this to commit suicide, so did Antonio Pettigrew just to name a couple.

There is a phrase used by nurses to describe the symptoms of anticholinergic toxicity: Can't see, Can't pee, Can't spit, Can't shit. It sounds like you had one of the four which is terrible but also sort of lucky to an extent, glad you didn't have the hallucination though. Panic attacks are never fun especially when it's caused by a substance because it takes time to get out of your system. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience it doesn't sound like a good time.

The thing with diphenhydramine (saying it like that because benadryl in the UK is not diphenhydramine) is it is dose dependent so higher doses will typically be a little different but you can still expect those symptoms but you'd likely mentally black out earlier and do things in this state of psychosis/delirium which is why it's hard to not be found because you'll do things you wouldn't expect/want to do normally. The benzo's are in the cocktail to put you to sleep durring the bad parts, because eventually the diphen will just make you too fatigued at that dose to do anything but it could take a while.

I'm going to check with my guy to see if he can hook me up with some H. I don't think he will but I might be surprised, plus today I don't think I could go out canvassing downtown for junkies because it is -20c and a flurry outside so most are probably indoors or hiding away somewhere. As much as I want to die, I don't want to get jumped in alleys trying to find them/H.

I'll update once I hear back from my source, but any feedback from people is welcomed whether about the methods or your experiences with trying to figure out between multiple methods