does anyone else sometimes feel stupid/edgy/corny for not being able to see the point in anything?

[depthss]

i don't identify myself as a nihilist, and i don't like calling myself nihilistic, even though i do think that it realistically it kind of fits me. i just feel kind of corny, or like someone trying really hard to be edgy whenever i think about how nothing matters, but that is truly how i feel. the way that i see it, all life ends the same, in death, and everything and everyone will be forgotten, so why does it matter if your life is fulfilling or successful. what do fulfillment and success even really mean? nothing is going to change no matter what you do. there is no way to live forever, 99.99% of people will be forgotten forever. and why does it even matter if you're remembered? everything and everyone feels so worthless, so who cares if you're remembered by a bunch of worthless, forgettable people anyways?
i dont really like talking about these feelings openly irl because, again, i feel like a stupid, corny, edgy nihilist, so i've tried very hard to make myself see the point in anything, but i just cannot. i have never been able to convince myself that anything is worthwhile, no matter how hard ive tried. ive tried to see things from other peoples perspective, ive tried to find appeal in the idea of common desired and things people live for, like thinking about a good job, marriage, kids, etc, but it all just seems so wholly unappealing to me, not to mention pointless. i dont know why i dont care for any of these things, but i really just dont.
in the end, does it really matter if im a married doctor with kids, hobbies, and awards vs an isolated alcoholic living in a trailer park? ive tried to see why the first is objectively better, i just cant make myself care. im not even depressed, my psychologist, psychiatrist, and i all agree on that, so that isnt what this is. i dont know why i feel the way i do, but ive never been able to change my mind.

 

[Crow_88]

Yes. And sometimes I don't. Depends.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I see it more as a personal perspective really. Also, that both views are valid. I do understand why people might find value in their lives and accomplishments. I used to chase certain goals myself. It actually made life easier in some ways to have a focus. Plus, it felt natural to me at the time. I was pursuing something that gave me a sense of joy and purpose.

I think it's also perfectly valid though to say- 'None of that is for me. I don't feel fulfilled by any of those things, so I'll choose not to pursue them.' I think the whole: 'Know thyself' thing is important in determining what you want and how to pursue it.

I don't really see it as edgy though necessarily. I think people who hold nihilistic views are quite often, very disillusioned with life. I understand why they would be too! Plus, I don't see why we should comply with life's social/ capitalist/ consumerist rules deep down- if I'm honest. (So long as we're not hurting others of course.)

It's not an idea I'd express publicly though. Work superiors need to believe I am committed to their company. Which I still am in body, if not in soul so much now. Plus, people might take offense if I start spouting that all achievements are meaningless! It's a bit like antinatilism really. I'm reluctant to express it openly if pressed as to why I don't have children. 'Because I find it morally questionable' likely wouldn't go down too well with parents!

 

[mikgazer6]

Nature is brutal and uncaring. Existence is a tragedy where suffering goes unanswered. Life is hardwired with an instinctive will to live and propagate more life. The reason why we do anything is to cope with our existence. Everyone is coping with their existence in their own way whether that be going through the Life Checklist™, ctb, or typing edgy posts on Sanctioned Suicide.