Like if I do shit it's almost like I'm trying hard to be a human you know? Why would I even try, it's all so boring and obviously fake, no? I mean I can't be the only one who feels this way. Or maybe I am
I cannot stress enough how much these words ring true to me.
I don't really try anymore. I'm here, I'm there, I'm doing whatever I'm doing at any given moment. I have this resigned disinterest and disappointment. Just hoping for something that would reinvigorate me, for someone to say or do something novel or original.
That's what I thought when I was 15, there are no special words that can change me, those are stories imo.
Someone coming right now and saying to me "You're my reason to live, you might think dying is the thing you should do but it isn't, even if you want to defy the nature of being human, that's not the answer, I can understand you, why not try to live."
I would just respond with , okay , and? why should that change anything about me? I knew you existed, I knew you are rare and I knew what you'd likely say to me, even if you said the complete opposite, it wouldn't have some grand effect. You're talking to a kid who's been abused and had all their life to talk to themselves, is there really any meaningful conversation I didn't have with myself yet? Probably not.
somewhatdeadly
Member
- Jun 6, 2025
- 39
i don't desire anything except shit my body(eating,breathing etc.) or people around me impose onto me.
I've had thousands of conversations with myself at this point. I've played with ideas in my head, turned conversations around, over and under, in any way I could conceive. It's rare for anyone to say anything to me that provides any insight. Different people, different words, but, in the end, nothing particularly new or useful. I can very much relate to what you're saying here, even if we may differ largely in the particulars of our lives.
Dejected 55
Enlightened
- May 7, 2025
- 1,135
I do as little as possible. Mostly just stay inside and eat and sleep and watch TV.
amerie
an earthworm sprinkled with salt
- Oct 6, 2024
- 816
It's been like this for years
Well obviously I have hobbies and extracurriculars, work and school shit but I did the bare minimum that I was required and just went home and slept, still do
My depression has gotten worse the past 2 weeks so I've literally been doing nothing, i just brushed my matted hair for the first time in a while yesterday and im fighting to not sit in bed and just rot. I just want to tell myself that the pervasive emptiness was so much better than the pain I currently have. Stupid ungrateful bitch.
Well obviously I have hobbies and extracurriculars, work and school shit but I did the bare minimum that I was required and just went home and slept, still do
My depression has gotten worse the past 2 weeks so I've literally been doing nothing, i just brushed my matted hair for the first time in a while yesterday and im fighting to not sit in bed and just rot. I just want to tell myself that the pervasive emptiness was so much better than the pain I currently have. Stupid ungrateful bitch.
SomewhereAlongThe
Arcanist
- May 17, 2024
- 432
Yep, I've give up on life, and on hope. I feel so drained inside, all I really do is stay at home, watch tv shows and eat food. I literally do not do much more than that. If I had a passion I could do, I would direct all my energy towards that and be immersed in it. Life would be worth living, and I wouldn't attempt to kill myself soon.
FoxSauce
Emotional unstable like and IKEA table
- Aug 23, 2024
- 737
Honestly yes. Sadly dont have a choice in the matter. Plus my goal is to move out so I have to work hard to achieve that.
I dont want to do anything from how anxiety inducing it is.
Anxiety gets way to much but I cant relax even if i sit foen for 5 minutes doing nothing cuz im used to it.
But i could be in a lot of pain but I'm so stuborn or ill think ill get into trouble.
I dont want to do anything from how anxiety inducing it is.
Anxiety gets way to much but I cant relax even if i sit foen for 5 minutes doing nothing cuz im used to it.
But i could be in a lot of pain but I'm so stuborn or ill think ill get into trouble.
BrownNoise
I cant believe this is how life turned out
- Sep 13, 2024
- 14
I feel the same way almost all the time. Almost, because I have a few hobbies that somehow keep me happy. I'm super lucky for that.
This is pretty much it for me as well and it's part of the reason i try to avoid social interaction unless its imposed on me or im forced into it. I've burnt so many bridges with people because I didn't really have anything I wanted from the other person. Human relationships work on a trade where you offer something and, in return, expect something back, whether consciously or not. This doesn't work well if you don't really desire anything from anyone, so doing favors or helping others all the time usually just ends up with me burning out and laying low or cutting contact. And whenever they try to go out of their way to offer help on something, I sometimes accept even though I don't really need it or already know it, which actually just makes things harder instead of easier. I despise the way I am.
somewhatdeadly
Member
- Jun 6, 2025
- 39
I feel you. Honestly i just want this to be over with.
same, the only few good things in my life are some few tv series, movies, video games, comics, books. I play now Batman Arkham Night again. I played it 2019 on ps4 now on Laptop with tv as second screen because my laptop screen is damaged sadly. They can't hold a punch. It would be better if these screens get a military standard protection imo.
tend a dead garden
Member
- Aug 25, 2025
- 27
i used to measure how "well" I was by how much Art i created. I gave up on everything else apart from the necessary biological processes to keep me alive but take little joy in eating or sleep etc.
Art used to be my apotheosis, i have an exhibition coming up but haven't done everything of any meaning ( to me) for the past week .
I find myself using more and more pain meds not only to help with the physical pain but more the psychological pain of "being" .
The game I was playing i haven't touched in weeks, the food i eat is more and more for existence not taste ( soup, plain pasta etc).
I seem to have become fixed in a state of anhedonia , which to me seems like a rational response to the world and my situation, would be quite insane or incongruous if i were "happy" given everything.
Art used to be my apotheosis, i have an exhibition coming up but haven't done everything of any meaning ( to me) for the past week .
I find myself using more and more pain meds not only to help with the physical pain but more the psychological pain of "being" .
The game I was playing i haven't touched in weeks, the food i eat is more and more for existence not taste ( soup, plain pasta etc).
I seem to have become fixed in a state of anhedonia , which to me seems like a rational response to the world and my situation, would be quite insane or incongruous if i were "happy" given everything.
