I don't have friends and even though I try to make friends with people I just can't, my personality must be shit. At Christmas and New Years the only people who gave me congratulations were my parents and aunts, not even my cousins talk to me since most of them despise me lol
Pretty much, no social life and similar predicament..my family doesn't give a rat's ass about me truly, extended and immediate. They just want me to smile, shut up, and stand there, witnessing everything they have that I never will, they don't want me to have all the same opportunities and benefits, they're fine living their lives while I rot, they even ignore my most desperate requests to understand where I'm coming from and to please help in the small ways that I've asked (which were very hard to ask for..).
"Be happy for them" they say.
Oh really? What about my happiness?
What about my misery? Are they going to become miserable for me, as I am expected to become happy for them?
What a ridiculous sentiment.
I was always able to make some friends despite my shortcomings and unfortunate appearance, so I know my personality was never the problem, that was usually the only thing that was ever remotely complimented.
But I can't keep friends in this state and most have never been very good to me, I either end up like an emotional crutch or a punching bag.
Eventually my personality and sense of humor weren't good enough, or they would find "higher value" friends elsewhere and use excuses to diminish me and abandon me (even if I was friends with them for years and years).
However, I have also had to drift away and keep my distance because friendships require work, especially if you're the type of person who gets taken advantage of and gets the raw end of the deal.
It's too tiring, it's not worth it, I cannot keep up when I have too many of my own problems killing me and when I can't even be a real person because I'm constantly having to please others to avoid confrontation and insults (too much on my plate already, no room to tolerate any other bs).
If I may ask, what were the 'congratulations' for?