Does anyone else have this urge to preserve their family’s honor?

[CrazyDiamond04]

I think that a big, if not the biggest, factor in motivating me towards death is preserving my family's honor and not being an embarrassment to them. Both of my parents are highly educated and accomplished unlike myself. I always feel guilty for being such a disgrace in comparison. I feel like CTBing would help to preserve that sense of dignity. This sounds dumber typing it out but it makes more sense in my head.

 

[Linda]

Yes, it does sound dumb. Why should you ctb simply because your achievements are different from those of your parents? (I dislike the phrase "less than" here because it implies value judgements than I may not share.) You are a different person from them, and there is no reason why your life should mirror theirs. Also, you are not merely "your achievements". You are something entirely distinct from your achievements, and probably (it depends on all the facts) something more important.

Live your own life. Dont try to live your parents life. (Or anyone else's life.) At present you have no idea at all what you will achieve in the course of your life. You won't know what you have achieved until your life is nearing its end, and even then you won't know all of it because you will have no way of knowing all the ways you may have influenced other people.

If your parents value their achievements more than they value you - and it's not clear from your post whether they do or not - then that's their problem, not yours. Don't make it your problem.

Have you perhaps been brought up with a rather narrow view of what is important in life?

On this site I rarely say explicitly "Don't ctb", as I think decisions on ending life should be left to the person concerned. But I'm inclined to say it to you. Your reasons for considering ending your life seem inadequate to me.