Discussion does anyone else find it comforting just to browse this site?

[inthebay]

i feel so horrible talking about my suicidal ideation irl because of people's reactions. i don't want to make anyone upset or cause any more harm to others than i already have. i'm very lucky to have people that would care if i died (and very lucky in general), but i feel like i've simply been in too much pain to handle for too long. fantasizing about the potential of all of that pain being over brings me a bit of peace, as selfish as i feel like that is.

it feels nice to not have people immediately trying to convince me that life is worth living, because part of me feels like that invalidates all of the pain i've felt. why would i want to kill myself if i had felt that life was worth living? do they understand how much pain someone has to be in in order to feel like life isn't worth living anymore?

it feels easier to process all of these feelings if i'm able to talk about it without being reflexively corrected. aside from invalidation, too, when i'm corrected on my suicidal ideation, sometimes i feel ashamed for even thinking about it at all. i wish people would ask me the reason why i want to ctb.

 

[ForestGhost]

Yes, I think my post count belies how much time I spend on this website. I don't often have much to say but I still love perusing threads just for the hell of it, even really old ones sometimes.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I lurked here for well over a year before I joined. It provided comfort. But I am so antisocial and hate social media so I couldn't imagine interacting with others in a forum. I never would have imagined that I'd be giving likes and hugs to people. But obviously, I joined. Depending on how I feel each day, it can vary whether I reply or just react to a post. Definitely comforting still just to look.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I enjoy coming here and reading through comments, new and old. Some are funny and entertaining, some are explosive with anger, and of course, some are sad.

Whether or not I post anything when I come here doesn't matter to me, I'm among others like me, and that's my comfort zone.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I wish I could say yes but, unfortunately, no. At the end of the day, I'm only here because this is the only place where I can talk about suicide, that's it. I don't feel home here or comfort here. At the end of the day, I can only find comfort in death when I no longer have to think or experience or feel for all of eternity. I can never be comfortable for as long as I'm alive

 

[alienfreak]

I feel a little less alone just seeing that there are other people that feel similarly and are in similar situations

 

[RiverOfLife]

Absolutely. I feel less alone knowing I am not the only person who feels like this.
And I don't have to deal with people trying to cheer me up or feeding me pro-life propaganda.

 

[divinemistress36]

Yes, I relate with the dark souls on here

 

[waistcoat]

this site is a form of therapy for me, to be honest.

 

[CantDoIt]

Yeah I dont even wanna talk about it to others who want me to live and who also want to live

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

This sight is immense comfort to me.
You can't talk to normal people in real life because they are shocked when you tell them life is not worth living. They also can never understand the depth of emotional pain of wanting to die unless they have experienced it. So this is the only place I can be honest about my feelings.

 

[Sutter]

Cloudy.

Was more like weathering seasons. Arrived on a cool and cloudy day and saw the promise of a place to just let my own gale rage. There was no need to slip behind a low spruce branch, all the others were as darkened in soul as much or more than mine own. The summer promise of this gathering is a personal choice of proximity, involvement, and self progression or none at all. Like a butterfly on a light wind stretching to travel to the next awkward stop in the air, I was fortunate to peruse the darkness as it enveloped others.

Fall brought the ever spiraling of leaves as a gust of wind danced by. Pulled out a cursed pipe and wrote my story in pieces for others but also seeing the shadows, forlorn despair, and the loss of anything resembling a will to live. Along with it all was also the quick turn of leaves to reds, golds, and browns after a summer run finished. Although dark souls there was curiosity, laughter, sarcastic grit, vulnerability, strength, caring, and the full gamut of entirety of what the world is elsewhere but with a dark flavoring. In those ways perhaps it is a comfort.

Winter with bracing cold, a polar bear would wince, carries a quiet but bludgeoning seeping frost. Enlightened by more than a few here by what they scribbled and at times by my own thoughts as I responded, but demons are not called bunnies for a reason. The pain ebbs and flows but is still there, understanding I may very well pass any day I stumble. Still wanting to grow even though time may be short. Looking for more than sawdust to fill a hole. What do you put in your chest when love has been ripped out? Whats left to love, who, or is it nothing? Winter brought demons, the ones that come alone, that no one can parry but my own soul.

Spring? Well havent made it there but would imagine it would be either some kind of acceptance and healing moving forward or more than likely demons slain because my own soul darkened enough that death thought me fit for company.

May well be a bit cloudy but there are some precious responses already scratched down. Cloudy comfort….yep cloudy comfort.

Sutter

 

[last_wink]

it's super subjective, depending anyone.

Of course talking aout suicide in general is very taboo so talking about it irl will bring problems. I mean not even talking about your eventual suicide but talking about suicide in general. 99% of the people think it's wrong and there's always things to live etc.

Personally i come here to inform myself on methods, so i don't feel any comfort. Worst, i have to avoid most of the thread ecause spending time eheere is stressfull. Many people are suffering, are lost, having bad time or sharing experience of their attempt which excite my imaginationand bring, stress anguish etc.
So globally i'm not spending time here to share with people or reading everything; it's too hard. But it's just me. I can understand some people find some comfort by spending time here, feeling less lonely or understood by some other people when they don't find that irl.

 

[littleraccoon3]

This is the only place where I truly feel like I belong and where people's words are sincere, that's why I'm here, that's why I love this site and the people on this site.

 

[TheHolySword]

It's good to be open and honest and able to express myself. I want to die. I'm going to do it next year. I can say that and no one will bat an eye. It sounds crazy, some might say that's sad and cruel. But to me it's comforting. It's an affirmation to my right to end this pain and suffering. It feels nice to have a place where I will be greeted with compassion and sympathy/empathy. No tears, no guilt, no risk. It makes it all so much less terrifying. I had officially decided to end it all a long time ago. This year was the final nail in the coffin. But I was scared. I didn't know how to do it. I didn't think I could. But being here has given me courage and strength to find my peace.

 

[LostLily]

This website allows us to be open about our feelings. Most people. I the outside world are horrified at the mere mention of suicide so we have to hide our feeling to protect them

 

[midstarscream]

i feel so horrible talking about my suicidal ideation irl because of people's reactions. i don't want to make anyone upset or cause any more harm to others than i already have. i'm very lucky to have people that would care if i died (and very lucky in general), but i feel like i've simply been in too much pain to handle for too long. fantasizing about the potential of all of that pain being over brings me a bit of peace, as selfish as i feel like that is.

it feels nice to not have people immediately trying to convince me that life is worth living, because part of me feels like that invalidates all of the pain i've felt. why would i want to kill myself if i had felt that life was worth living? do they understand how much pain someone has to be in in order to feel like life isn't worth living anymore?

it feels easier to process all of these feelings if i'm able to talk about it without being reflexively corrected. aside from invalidation, too, when i'm corrected on my suicidal ideation, sometimes i feel ashamed for even thinking about it at all. i wish people would ask me the reason why i want to ctb.

This is the only place I don't feel judged.

 

[Life'sA6itch]

Yes! Here, there is an actual understanding of the desire and/or effort to ctb that you generally will not find elsewhere. Most often, you will be given the exact opposite treatment you want or truly need as life by any means necessary seems to overtake all else, even if life consists of you being locked in some cold gray room with nothing other than a bed or toilet as if you were in jail.

 

[Pryras]

Suicide ideation, for me anyways, is a way to cope with my reality. Thinking, knowing I can kill my self is an escape from the life I'm living and feelings I'm experiencing.

I always get obsessed with death and dying when I'm stressed or depressed. Scrolling helps with that

 

[maniac116]

I feel that its a community I can feel that I belong.
Kind, like minded people for the most part.

 

[bigbang33]

Ironically enough, I think that this site can be a lifeline. It is for me.

 

[lnlybnny]

It has become my favorite website, the little place where i can come and find some solace because i know I'll find people who understand me. It brings a lot of comfort. I love spending time on my own but i like knowing I'm not alone in this experience of wanting to escape

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

Cloudy.

Was more like weathering seasons. Arrived on a cool and cloudy day and saw the promise of a place to just let my own gale rage. There was no need to slip behind a low spruce branch, all the others were as darkened in soul as much or more than mine own. The summer promise of this gathering is a personal choice of proximity, involvement, and self progression or none at all. Like a butterfly on a light wind stretching to travel to the next awkward stop in the air, I was fortunate to peruse the darkness as it enveloped others.

Fall brought the ever spiraling of leaves as a gust of wind danced by. Pulled out a cursed pipe and wrote my story in pieces for others but also seeing the shadows, forlorn despair, and the loss of anything resembling a will to live. Along with it all was also the quick turn of leaves to reds, golds, and browns after a summer run finished. Although dark souls there was curiosity, laughter, sarcastic grit, vulnerability, strength, caring, and the full gamut of entirety of what the world is elsewhere but with a dark flavoring. In those ways perhaps it is a comfort.

Winter with bracing cold, a polar bear would wince, carries a quiet but bludgeoning seeping frost. Enlightened by more than a few here by what they scribbled and at times by my own thoughts as I responded, but demons are not called bunnies for a reason. The pain ebbs and flows but is still there, understanding I may very well pass any day I stumble. Still wanting to grow even though time may be short. Looking for more than sawdust to fill a hole. What do you put in your chest when love has been ripped out? Whats left to love, who, or is it nothing? Winter brought demons, the ones that come alone, that no one can parry but my own soul.

Spring? Well havent made it there but would imagine it would be either some kind of acceptance and healing moving forward or more than likely demons slain because my own soul darkened enough that death thought me fit for company.

May well be a bit cloudy but there are some precious responses already scratched down. Cloudy comfort….yep cloudy comfort.

Sutter

Wow, thank you for adding some comfort in sharing these words, albeit cloudy. The emptiness, ever present through time and seasons, a cover of cloud to aid in the passing. All the best with your journey
Comforting, indeed yes. A discovery that we are not alone and the sharing of practical information, most valuable.

 

[Opera]

Being here bring me a sense of peace that I don't get from irl. It's comforting to know that this website exist and that I was able to find it.

 

[HereTomorrow]

It's comforting to be in a place where others can emphasize with my suffering and not force me in a direction I don't want. I wish I can say this elsewhere, but I'm forced to confine my thoughts here until then.

This place gives something a lot of us have been wanting since the thought first arrived: Respect for the suicidial.

The fact that we have to be here to be ourselves, genuinely comforted, and supported is absolutely horrifying. The idea you can't utter any hint of suicide without being processed by the area's law to restrict one's freedom in the name of safety (in "extreme" cases, but society is trigger happy). That's not respect, that's dehumanizing.

 

[fleetingnight]

i feel so horrible talking about my suicidal ideation irl because of people's reactions. i don't want to make anyone upset or cause any more harm to others than i already have.

It's so nice not to worry about upsetting people or getting in trouble/banned for talking about how you feel. Hiding things like depression or suicidal ideation can be even more painful than experiencing it.

fantasizing about the potential of all of that pain being over brings me a bit of peace, as selfish as i feel like that is.

I was thinking about this a little bit ago. For some reason, fantasizing about catching the bus is very comforting to me. It's the only thing that calms me down sometimes. It's strange, but I guess it's like any other escapist fantasy, in a way. It's a bit weird, but I daydream about CTBing.

I'm really grateful we have somewhere to talk about this and not be judged.

 

[turnaround]

I find it comforting when I get overwhelmed by how difficult it is to just end my life. How society just won't let me do what's best for me. That I could create another human being with zero oversight, education, money, intention, etc. but I am controlled in ending my life.

Now I go back to the forums

 

[LostLily]

Suicide ideation, for me anyways, is a way to cope with my reality. Thinking, knowing I can kill my self is an escape from the life I'm living and feelings I'm experiencing.

I always get obsessed with death and dying when I'm stressed or depressed. Scrolling helps with that

Exactly, dealing with life is hard but fantasizing about my death gives me a sick sense of power.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Absolutely. I'm so grateful for this place on so many levels. To be able to say how I feel without making people feel worried or sad. This place is also so valuable as a distraction to me while I wait. (For my Dad to go first.)

I've always enjoyed thinking and talking about life stuff. A lot of my family/ friends just find it too depressing or, too much of a waste of time. A lot of the stuff doesn't have answers. It's so interesting to read other people's viewpoints on the world. Really, it's my main social interaction.

 

[isolatedl111]

i feel so horrible talking about my suicidal ideation irl because of people's reactions. i don't want to make anyone upset or cause any more harm to others than i already have. i'm very lucky to have people that would care if i died (and very lucky in general), but i feel like i've simply been in too much pain to handle for too long. fantasizing about the potential of all of that pain being over brings me a bit of peace, as selfish as i feel like that is.

it feels nice to not have people immediately trying to convince me that life is worth living, because part of me feels like that invalidates all of the pain i've felt. why would i want to kill myself if i had felt that life was worth living? do they understand how much pain someone has to be in in order to feel like life isn't worth living anymore?

it feels easier to process all of these feelings if i'm able to talk about it without being reflexively corrected. aside from invalidation, too, when i'm corrected on my suicidal ideation, sometimes i feel ashamed for even thinking about it at all. i wish people would ask me the reason why i want to ctb.

It's a good site