M
mrtime87
Student
- Jul 9, 2024
- 145
As the title asks, anyone else feel like CTB is their only way out of a hopeless situation.
For me, I made some bad decisions on my 20s that have led me to a life of hardship and destitution with deteriorating health.
I'm now 38 and sleeping on the floor in my mother's hoarder house with cats.
What kills is knowing this is all my fault but as winter approaches I have no where to go.
My mom is getting her own apartment and without that last life support I have nothing, not even the local homeless shelter.
Frostbite scares me and does hypothermia, but there is no way to improve my situation due to my health.
I cannot sit and be complacent anymore but without a gun I don't know how to kill myself.
I hace no car and survive on a disability check. There truly is nothing to look for are to on my life other than worsening pain and misery, and if I survive this winter, have to go thru the same process over and over.
I wish I wasn't born and now that I can't kill myself don't know what to do. I can barely go out in public and show my face and it's all because I fucked up 17 years ago.
No motivational speech will help and I can't even change my behavior or improve my situation.
It's like waiting to die in a plane crash knowing theres nothing I can do to die mor peacefully or painlessly.
I keep thinking about a gun but have a felony in Ohio. I tried argon but that blew up in my face. I was devastated the plan failed because i was sure it would be painless and the quick.
All I have left are kitchen knif s and rope to hang myself with no whr to do it and no will to do so as well.
I hate my life and who I am as a person but even religion cant help.
My life literally was a laying on a mattress pad on the floor and going to doctors visits. Once in a while I'll play a game on my phone, but that's it l, and winter comes in 3 months.
I don't want to die but I don't want to live, and if I am going to die, don't want it to be outside in the cold.
Why does the government make it so hard to obtain something like nembutal which could be peaceful, and instead force us to take drastic action like shooting ourselves?
And all thie because I refused to get medical help in my 20s. This truly is all my fault.
:(
For me, I made some bad decisions on my 20s that have led me to a life of hardship and destitution with deteriorating health.
I'm now 38 and sleeping on the floor in my mother's hoarder house with cats.
What kills is knowing this is all my fault but as winter approaches I have no where to go.
My mom is getting her own apartment and without that last life support I have nothing, not even the local homeless shelter.
Frostbite scares me and does hypothermia, but there is no way to improve my situation due to my health.
I cannot sit and be complacent anymore but without a gun I don't know how to kill myself.
I hace no car and survive on a disability check. There truly is nothing to look for are to on my life other than worsening pain and misery, and if I survive this winter, have to go thru the same process over and over.
I wish I wasn't born and now that I can't kill myself don't know what to do. I can barely go out in public and show my face and it's all because I fucked up 17 years ago.
No motivational speech will help and I can't even change my behavior or improve my situation.
It's like waiting to die in a plane crash knowing theres nothing I can do to die mor peacefully or painlessly.
I keep thinking about a gun but have a felony in Ohio. I tried argon but that blew up in my face. I was devastated the plan failed because i was sure it would be painless and the quick.
All I have left are kitchen knif s and rope to hang myself with no whr to do it and no will to do so as well.
I hate my life and who I am as a person but even religion cant help.
My life literally was a laying on a mattress pad on the floor and going to doctors visits. Once in a while I'll play a game on my phone, but that's it l, and winter comes in 3 months.
I don't want to die but I don't want to live, and if I am going to die, don't want it to be outside in the cold.
Why does the government make it so hard to obtain something like nembutal which could be peaceful, and instead force us to take drastic action like shooting ourselves?
And all thie because I refused to get medical help in my 20s. This truly is all my fault.
:(