Venting Does anyone else feel apathetic to your family even if you care about them due to sheer levels of suicidality?

[ScornedStoic]

I do care about my family. But I'm so exhausted with how hard to I have to suffer in my life that I kind of only care about ending the pain, whether that means kms or running out the clock in isolation from them. I love them but if they're unable to understand my struggles and therefore maintain a relationship with me, which has become the case now, it doesn't really affect me like I thought it would.

It's not that I don't give a shit about them but that I'm truly just nihilistic.

 

[Deleted member 13412]

i kinda relate ..icare about my family ..and i hope they will understand that the pain was too much and that it has nothing to do with how much i care about them ):

 

[SmellyRat]

No, but i'm pretty pathetic, and pretty apathetic too.

 

[Konjac]

I feel bad for them, but eventually they'll get over it. Grief sucks, but it gets better with time. I hope that the fact I'll be free from all my pain & that I'll be dying peacefully will make it easier for them to cope.

 

[Mixo]

I wish I could relate to other commenters on this thread. I don't care how my death affects my family, and for one person in particular, I kind of hope it haunts her. Sorry if it sounds fucked up, but they hurt me pretty deeply. I am sure I will not feel exactly this way the day I actually do it.

 

[Lupgevif]

I feel exactly the same. I love them, but out relationship is draining (probably for both parties), so I try to become distant.

 

[Deleted member 23374]

I've been distancing over the last year. Becoming a stranger is probably the kindest cut i think.

 

[Gnip]

My mother is my family. I have no feelings of affection for any other relatives. If and when my mother goes, I go.

 

[Deleted member 23374]

My mother is my family. I have no feelings of affection for any other relatives. If and when my mother goes, I go.

Same.

 

[Symbiote]

I care about my family enough that I will give them what they want. No sense in fighting to stay alive.

 

[Aeathelina]

That's me rn. Given all the shit that been going on in my life I cannot feel anything for my broken hearted sister.
Like I watched her have a full PTSD breakdown and I couldn't bring myself to care or feel pity in the slightest for her. I still don't after 24hrs.
Hell I'm more angry at how her breakup unconvinced my life.
I know that I should not feel so cold towards her but I am emotionally fed up.

 

[tidalwave420]

I used to care, until I realized they have no idea what it feels like to be me. If they knew the immense suffering I endure on a daily basis, physical and mental, I think they would understand and support my wishes to not exist. But, they don't get it and never will. We all die so the grieving for them for last forever

 

[PointlessStruggle]

My immediate family is really all I have. Not as close with my father as I am with mother and younger brother though. I don't live with any of them currently though so maybe they grate in me less that way. The worst thing parents tend to do is form these ideas of what their kids are like and constantly compare them to how their kid is, with discrepancies enraging them. Its odd because as parents they lived with their kid for years, I have no idea why they couldn't get it. I was never great at making friends but my dad seems to think I'm just not trying for some reason. How it is I guess

 

[LastFlowers]

It's more like the other way around. Except they're not suicidal and they don't care.

But yea mine also don't understand nor try to, no relationship can be maintained when my suffering and circumstances aren't acknowledged..when I, as a person, am invisible or an embarrassment to them. I have also had to stay isolated from them for multiple reasons, basically to preserve my last piece of dignity and sanity. It only seems to make a difference to me though, they could care less. When I bite the bullet, I am sure my body will have ample time to rot and the decomposition will probably fuck up whatever surrounds me. I could actually have been dead for the past decade and no one but my parents would be the wiser.

 

[Ali]

Los amo, pero ya no disfruto de su compañía y me siento incómodo, me preguntan cosas de mi vida que no quiero contestar porque sé que pronto cbt. Mis respuestas son casi automáticas y he estado evitando el contacto diciendo que me siento mal pero ellos saben que soy suicida, simplemente miento y odio mentir. Estoy cansado de sentir ansiedad y de lo que la sociedad obliga a vivir aunque tu deseo sea otro de años de lucha. Precisamente hoy una persona me dijo egoísta por pensar en cbt, que solo pensaba en mí y no en quienes me amaban. Lo amo pero si supiera cómo me siento o mis pensamientos diarios, me dejaría en un instante, de todos modos se acabó conmigo y aún no sé qué hacer mirándolo, me siento tan tonto que ahora se duerme a mi lado y solo pienso en morir, estoy cansado pero no puedo dormir con estos pensamientos.

 

[Auroraborealis]

Los amo, pero ya no disfruto de su compañía y me siento incómodo, me preguntan cosas de mi vida que no quiero contestar porque sé que pronto cbt. Mis respuestas son casi automáticas y he estado evitando el contacto diciendo que me siento mal pero ellos saben que soy suicida, simplemente miento y odio mentir. Estoy cansado de sentir ansiedad y de lo que la sociedad obliga a vivir aunque tu deseo sea otro de años de lucha. Precisamente hoy una persona me dijo egoísta por pensar en cbt, que solo pensaba en mí y no en quienes me amaban. Lo amo pero si supiera cómo me siento o mis pensamientos diarios, me dejaría en un instante, de todos modos se acabó conmigo y aún no sé qué hacer mirándolo, me siento tan tonto que ahora se duerme a mi lado y solo pienso en morir, estoy cansado pero no puedo dormir con estos pensamientos.

I felt that.