Does anyone else ever feel like continuing only to have life or other circumstance drag them back down time and time again?

[Aura]

Ive been feeling like my thoughts on CTB are just in a loop. Every once in a while something really motivating will happen, or maybe ill stumble on a profound realization. Only to later realize said event or realization really didn't mean much. Or at the very least feel like it meant basically nothing. Even when I do get a burst of motivation the longest it lasts is a day or two only for me to come crashing back down to being as unfulfilled and unhappy as I do now. I don't know why I feel this way. I don't really have anything to look forward to or meaningful connections with other people. Sometimes I might try, but the motivation always fades within a day or so. Its just tiring getting glimpses of hope only to have my own lack of drive bring me back down over and over again.

 

[astr4]

yep yep yep

almost constantly vacillating back and forth. sometimes i think i can settle for not happy but at least surviving, and other times it feels so intolerable living in limbo for the rest of my life.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Definitely

 

[futurebuscatcher]

Yeah. It's like an oroborus/Sisyphean esp with BP. Everytime I think I'm getting better something terrible happens all over again and it's back to planning. Shit sucks.

 

[J&L383]

Here too.

 

[Belkon]

My last thought about CTB was last year, which I actually tried to carry out, but it didn't work, and I was hospitalized. After a considerable pause, I've started thinking about it again over the past few days because I didn't have the encouragement from my boyfriend like I do now.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Ive been feeling like my thoughts on CTB are just in a loop. Every once in a while something really motivating will happen, or maybe ill stumble on a profound realization. Only to later realize said event or realization really didn't mean much. Or at the very least feel like it meant basically nothing. Even when I do get a burst of motivation the longest it lasts is a day or two only for me to come crashing back down to being as unfulfilled and unhappy as I do now. I don't know why I feel this way. I don't really have anything to look forward to or meaningful connections with other people. Sometimes I might try, but the motivation always fades within a day or so. Its just tiring getting glimpses of hope only to have my own lack of drive bring me back down over and over again.

Honestly, my motivation is zero. I was constantly motivated. Now I just do things

Ive been feeling like my thoughts on CTB are just in a loop. Every once in a while something really motivating will happen, or maybe ill stumble on a profound realization. Only to later realize said event or realization really didn't mean much. Or at the very least feel like it meant basically nothing. Even when I do get a burst of motivation the longest it lasts is a day or two only for me to come crashing back down to being as unfulfilled and unhappy as I do now. I don't know why I feel this way. I don't really have anything to look forward to or meaningful connections with other people. Sometimes I might try, but the motivation always fades within a day or so. Its just tiring getting glimpses of hope only to have my own lack of drive bring me back down over and over again.

I've had a continuous cycle for 2.5 years of me getting "motivated" doing everything I can to try and get my life back on track/fix/just general help for my life. Honestly that may be even too complicated just doing everything in my power to live. Getting absolutely destroyed by the world. Being worse off then when I started and doing it all over again. I'm convinced I was made to be the world's punching bag. I literally don't understand. I'm not doing anything wrong and all I do is get fucked by the world. I'm 99.99% sure people just want me to kill myself. Literally and they just don't want to know until after im dead to celebrate like they just won the super bowl. You'd think I'd just have something good happen just on odds alone.

Exhibit A: this randomly quoted twice...

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, I never feel like continuing, I never wanted to live anyway

 

[LXR515]

Pretty often, maybe even day to day it feels like im swinging back on a yo-yo of "I want to kill myself" and "I want to grow and heal myself" and it just gets so fucking exhausting

 

[paredler]

That was me during school years. I had bad years, then something happened and I had a good year, just to return to a bad year once again. Once I turned 18 and entered the workforce, I only had bad times. Even if I get help, I can't rely on it forever and I'm very much afraid of the day I will no longer get the asiisstance I have now. I'm chronically sad and live in chronic fear of losing the little I have. I'm 31 now so this means 12-13 years of anxiety with no good period in the middle.

 

[Aura]

Honestly, my motivation is zero. I was constantly motivated. Now I just do things

I've had a continuous cycle for 2.5 years of me getting "motivated" doing everything I can to try and get my life back on track/fix/just general help for my life. Honestly that may be even too complicated just doing everything in my power to live. Getting absolutely destroyed by the world. Being worse off then when I started and doing it all over again. I'm convinced I was made to be the world's punching bag. I literally don't understand. I'm not doing anything wrong and all I do is get fucked by the world. I'm 99.99% sure people just want me to kill myself. Literally and they just don't want to know until after im dead to celebrate like they just won the super bowl. You'd think I'd just have something good happen just on odds alone.

Exhibit A: this randomly quoted twice...

For what it's worth man I really do hope that regardless of how it feels now life does get better for you. Someone I know felt the same way and was always kicked back down time and time again. Even if I'm just a stranger to you I truly do hope that things do end up improving and you get whatever happiness you're chasing after. Good luck man

 

[max_vader2]

I'm December 2023, I said that 2024 would be my year, maximum effort. Since then:

- I was hospitalised for a hernia
- my mother got sick
- I got laid off
- my wife just told me that I was a bad emotional investment (because if I CBT, then her affection would be fruitless)

So, to get back my life, I:
- went to the psychiatrist
- take a shit ton of meds every day
- I go to the gym
- go to therapy

And I still feel like shit...

 

[justkatie]

Probably a lot of us.

Definitely me.

I made a post about how when you think you've hit rock bottom, you realise there's only more bottom to go down to.

 

[brokeandbroken]

For what it's worth man I really do hope that regardless of how it feels now life does get better for you. Someone I know felt the same way and was always kicked back down time and time again. Even if I'm just a stranger to you I truly do hope that things do end up improving and you get whatever happiness you're chasing after. Good luck man

Thank you I appreciate the kind words. I hope you find peace.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Yes. I've given myself plenty of chances. It's no use - life is merely a series of problems, never-ending problems. Sometimes something nice happens and for just a second I get delusional and think maybe I should keep on existing. Just for a second. Than I remember that it's no use. Even if all my problems magically got resolved, life is meaningless and I can't do things that are meaningless.

 

[divinemistress36]

Its like you put so much effort into getting better and realized it was all for nothing

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Its like you put so much effort into getting better and realized it was all for nothing

and at the end we all still die lmao. Doesn't matter if by suicide or natural death. It's all the same. There's just no point.

 

[mrwizard11]

Yes. This is me right now. I haven't been here in ages. I survived my last bout that put me in this state. And here I am right back in this state again. I can only try so much.

 

[Aura]

Pretty often, maybe even day to day it feels like im swinging back on a yo-yo of "I want to kill myself" and "I want to grow and heal myself" and it just gets so fucking exhausting

I feel ya dude Ive been stuck in that repeated motion for the past 3 years. It never gets any less draining