I am constantly buying things lately. Stupid things, useful things, just... things. I always think it'll make me feel better, but it never does. I like the anticipation of the packages arriving, but once they're here, I can barely be bothered to open them.
Right now I'm on this bizarre home improvement kick. It makes no sense, because I'm pretty sure I won't be living much longer. But I keep buying new new things for the house, upgrading lighting, rugs, etc. I keep fairly current on things I collect, and even though I'm not ever going to touch them, books, movies, and video games. All these things that have no purpose since I'm just waiting to ctb.
I guess I keep hoping I'll wake up and suddenly not be suicidal anymore or something. It's not exactly hope, just... I have no clue. My fucked up brain misfiring. Habit, maybe? Whatever, I can't seem to stop. All I really know is my best friend is going to inherit a lot of cool things.