Venting does anyone actually feel good after venting?

[minamin]

So for me, I really don't like venting publicly or to other people. Especially because if you tweet "I hate my life", what is anyone else supposed to say? If you tell your friend out loud you want to CTB, they go "Noo, don't do that". And while that's a very nice sentiment, it does not change the fact I want to CTB. Someone offering to "help" me after hearing a fraction of how I actually feel doesn't make me feel better because I don't want help, I want a way out.

So then okay, if I can't vent irl, I'll vent in my diary. Pages and pages of thoughts. But that still doesn't change anything. It doesn't make me feel less miserable, just makes me reread it and go "Yup, still depressed"…

And then here is SaSu. There are tons of venting threads here. I guess this thread in a meta way is venting too. But it's almost the same thing as writing in my diary… I don't feel better after and I end up deleting what I say almost 100% of the time.

And what's weird is… Despite saying all this, and despite knowing that it won't help me, I still think "God, I want to tweet that I'm miserable! I want to hang out later with a friend and tell them I'm super depressed". Even though I KNOW that I wont get any benefit from it. That it won't make me feel better and will just make me feel worse. But I still… want to vent!!!

I guess what I'm wondering is, does anyone actually feel better when they're getting things off their chest? And is there a reason the human mind is so paradoxical like this? I surely can't be the only one who feels this.

(Also editing to say: I'm not trying to be rude to anyone on here who vents. If it helps you, all power to you. I'm just talking about my person experience with it.)

 

[BlackEyedDog]

i think people do feel better. for how long is another matter.
but it's like a relief valve u open sometimes to relieve some emotional pressure.

 

[Wolf Girl]

This is called co-rumination and it appears to contribute to depression in some people. Maybe do some googling of that term and see what you can learn. I'm also addicted to telling people I'm miserable. It causes problems.

 

[jexiste]

ah well, social media platforms def arent going to be satisfying places to vent about ctb, at least in a public context.

opening up about those feelings is certainly one of the most intense topics you can put in front of someone. there's like 3 or 4 people ive fully opened up with re: ctb (in person, that is). when that moment happens bc you've both landed on this point of total comfort and trust in each other... for me its one of the most powerful experiences I've had

 

[minamin]

This is called co-rumination and it appears to contribute to depression in some people. Maybe do some googling of that term and see what you can learn. I'm also addicted to telling people I'm miserable. It causes problems.

I'd never heard of this (obviously knew the word ruminate but never heard about co-rumination), though for me at least I keep it all inside/to myself 90% of the time, so maybe it's just rumination on my end. Like, no one I have personally that I can co-ruminate with.

I don't know if it's better or worse to be able to at least tell people you're miserable. Well, I guess on this website everyone can do it. But when it comes to matters off this website, to friends and family both online and IRL, I just can't do it. I clam up. I had a friend confront me one time about how I was shutting myself away and I literally couldn't respond (because I was so embarrassed? Ashamed? Miserable?), I had to leave, I could not articulate any kind of response. Being able to share that information with people at least feels like you're honest… even if that does cause problems obviously which sucks.

i think people do feel better. for how long is another matter.
but it's like a relief valve u open sometimes to relieve some emotional pressure.

That second line is good, like a relief valve… I guess that would be how I could describe my relationship with venting, I can do it in writing, but there's always going to be some left/it's never going to take it all away.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It tends to depend on the response. Sometimes it has helped. If people have either validated how I feel or, shown sympathy.

But, I also kind of know from personal experience- it's difficult to maintain a deep level of sympathy for someone who- in each message, tells you they're struggling worse than they ever have been before. Sounds cruel I know but it can be exhausting to be worrying for you and them. I feel like I've experienced it from both sides.

I've probably had more times like you though- when all I've got back were platitudes and sometimes, kind of ridiculous suggestions. They made me feel worse. So now, I try not to vent so much.

 

[Kavka]

I feel the same way! I'm a bit lazy today, so I'm just going to quote my own reply in another thread about venting, which you might also find interesting.

Maybe venting works for some people, but in my experience both parties usually feel worse afterwards.

It never really solves anything and it always comes at a cost. Like you, it makes me feel vulnerable and guilty for being (possibly) unreasonable and making people part of my problem. It's tricky though because I still feel the need to vent and blow off steam, but I try not to because I just don't like myself when I do.

The irony of venting about how venting doesn't work for me is not lost on me, lol.

 

[davidtorez]

Very temporarily unfortunately

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It depends. I do feel better after venting when I'm not invalidated! That is a crucial point of venting itself when someone is in so much pain and/or distress.

It makes me feel better if people can relate, have experienced similar situations and can share their own experience but it's made worse if I vent to someone who just answers with pro-lifer platitudes like - "You can't kys!" "It'll get better" "Just get over it!" "Others have it worse" ... and other stuff we don't wanna hear when our lives are just going downhill.

 

[rozeske]

I'm not the venting type. Looking at my post count you would think I'm the sharing type but sadly i find it hard to share my feelings as much as i wish to but on the occasions that i do, I find it to be quite helpful, more so when I recieve supportive feedback and when I'm validated on my feelings, but even just writing it out there helps a lot. It obviously doesn't change my situation and I don't expect it to but I find it to be helpful in it's own way.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Actually yes, unless I get interrupted or I'm unable to complete my vent for whatever reason. Sucks that it usually has to bring everyone else down though.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I do feel good after venting but only if the other person understands me. I like being around people who understand me and I want to be away from those who don't understand me

 

[astr4]

depends on the other person's response, like previous replies have said.

>"your feelings make a lot of sense and it sounds like you've been having a really hard time, that sucks."
>i feel like my friend cares and they're not trying to dismiss my feelings

>"bro u can just get over it no? why don't you do xyz, just fix it easily?"
>my friend isn't hearing me at all, i'm not getting any validation, i know now to never speak to them about my problems.

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

Venting never has been helpful for me, nor am I very good at it. Personally I don't like how it looks a lot of the time, just so self-indulgent. What purpose does it serve besides potential emotional release and validation? For me it's usually not worth the effort to put into words. Venting just seems like a dead end: stating the obvious. Like yeah, I already knew that. Having strangers or a therapist hear my thoughts hasn't provided any sort of leverage or comfort. I don't expect it to either. So I think it can only really be helpful if there's a clear and plausible/possible effect that could follow a vent.

Some people are just more in tune with their thoughts and are better able to articulate them than others, so it's also a honed skill. I happen to suck at speaking from a place of vulnerability. Hth

 

[eden101]

no i don't. i don't like it at all. which is why i have started to hate this account after venting on it. and maybe i'll delete it

 

[sugarb]

I think for me it's better than feeling and NOT typing. If I didn't write when I was upset I might take up self harm or something. also, I don't always write in a vent-y way when I'm upset; I often write poetry, share general thoughts, etc. and in general most of my diary entries are just thoughts or status updates. Occasionally, angsty status updates

 

[fleetingnight]

I don't exactly feel good, but relieved. I'm not rlly sure why, but it soothes me a bit. I can sometimes avoid a panic attack by ranting about what's upsetting me instead. Sometimes, I get it off my chest, and don't think about it as much. Though, that's usually not it. I'm usually still ruminating on it afterwards, it's just something about saying what I'm feeling makes it less intense/painful. I wish I could tell you why, but I don't know the reason.

Also, getting sympathy definitely helps. I avoid venting to specific people, and prefer to post online. I don't think it's wrong to vent to your friends, but I feel too guilty to do it for a variety of reasons. I don't think anyone else should feel this way, but I feel like making a random post puts less pressure on others to reply, so I prefer it

 

[Thisisnotaname]

Not really but I feel less alone. Never started a vent thread , only responds

 

[coolgal82]

i try and like keep it away from friends/family as much as possible because i hate making them worry but i do vent stuff on reddit and in a private-ish discord server (its not private but its a personal channel basically no one reads) and now here i guess? idk if it helps quite frankly but

 

[Dayrain]

No, I don't. I don't even like the word itself and don't find it that appropriate. Because it derives from Latin "ventus" which translates to "wind" in English. So always when I read this word here, so, when I read that someone is venting or wants to vent, I imagine a very angry person "letting steam (hot wind) off, which isn't really how we all on here feel and behave in the moments when forming our thoughts or are in the process of writing I believe.

 

[AtomicWaffles]

Outside of this site? No, It kinda feels good during the vent assuming it goes smoothly but directly afterwards I feel deep regret and wish I kept it to myself cause whoever I tell will remember that. However different things work for different people I guess.

 

[lachrymost]

It does help me sometimes, which surprises me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it just doesn't hit right, and it might have diminishing returns and become an addiction with limited to no usefulness.

When you talk about feeling compelled to do it even though you know it doesn't work, it reminds me of how I have to be vigilant to not tell mandated reporters how miserable I am when they ask. I know that any satisfaction I might get from complaining to them and being "seen" isn't remotely worth the risk, and yet I have to actively hold myself back from doing it! Part of it is that I have a strong natural tendency towards honesty, and being dishonest and inauthentic often makes me deeply uncomfortable.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I wouldn't say that I end up feeling good, perse, but it do feel slightly lighter after venting a bit. I remember reading somewhere that catharsis is supposedly a poor coping mechanism that does more to promote negative feelings and destructive actions, rather than preventing it, but I don't know about the validity of it (I've been too lazy to probably look into things lately).

Still, I don't get the express my feelings much irl, and it's Bren that way for a lignin time. My family will sometimes tell me to talk to them but I know that it's complete bullshit. They get pissed off whoever I'm even slightly peeved. Plus, there I thinks I want to vent about that I don't feel comfortable doing so in front of family.

 

[denjiwillsaveme]

I vent here a lot due to not having anyone I know close to me that would understand me or relate to my struggles and although I feel like I am annoying I tend to not care about what others may think (if they are being rude) but it helps me understand why I am mad, who I am mad at and what could be a solution.

Overall venting online is kinda better to me as I don't have to see the person irl and have regrets about telling them my struggles, we can all laugh like nothing is wrong.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Venting helps me keep my mental sanity and I feel like I'd physical explode if I didn't talk about my feelings with a friend online almost daily. It's a weird feeling. However even if my life doesn't improve by venting I think without it my life would be worse. I feel neutral but it's a good thing I have someone to talk to at least. Being alone with my thoughts for too long is gonna destroy me.

 

[Manfrotto99]

I think as human beings we have a need to feel validated and understood by others and venting on here can help if the responses are thoughtful and not simply dismissive. It is also a way of expressing thoughts and connecting with others rather than just bottling them up. All basic human needs, I think that can't be met elsewhere, unless perhaps if you have a very good therapist.

 

[HereTomorrow]

It depends on what it is and the medium.

In my teen years, I used to be borderline addicted to telling my friends I'm suicidial and the reasons why despite all the adults telling me to say it to the therapist instead of traumatizing my friends (which they eventually left me due to it, unsurprisingly). Venting about how much I want to die aided me in the short term in emotional relief, but by the next day I used to feel the same way. I'm pretty sure I got sent to the guidance office at my high school around 30 times in 4 years due to my friends being extremely concerned, but because I had no plan they never sent me to the hospital. But that initial relief felt too good to stop.

Now that I'm in my 20s, I'm a lot more careful with who I vent. In an emergency, I write in a mini journal I carry at all times which unloads the initial stress until I'm home. If I were to vent to a friend, I ask them explicit permission and ask if they're alright with it before I speak about everything but suicide, and so far I've never felt better unloading my thoughts, though it's less often I do it than before, maybe because they are able to listen and discuss what I said without panic or worry since they've prepared themselves.

Also here too. This place makes me feel safe to say whatever's on my mind. I rarely leave this website feeling upset or sad. Kinda a peaceful kind of happy rather than happy happy.