Kobusu
Writer
- Oct 18, 2021
- 260
I've lived my entire life struggling with paranoia. I feel like my entire life is just a show and I'm on stage, and when everyone else is done with me the curtain will raise on me and they'll be laughing. For the longest time I kept myself in check by believing u had one person who would always be on stage with me, but they did literally the one thing I was afraid most of anyone doing. They shared all the things I was insecure about to laugh at them. They literally ridiculed me and the things I was afraid of with my "friends" and now I feel like I was always right to feel this way. I'm sorry, I know nobody cares, but it's hard. A lifetime of keeping paranoia in check by writing it off as unrealistic and something that would "never happen" and then it does. It happens and now it feels like I was right. Does anyone else struggle with paranoia? How are we supposed to live like this? I don't think I can do it anymore but I can't go back to the hospital. I'm at a breaking point I'm about to snap in the line for a fucking covid test, if anyone understands at all please give me advice. For the longest time I told myself I didn't care that the reality was I'm always being laughed at and ridiculed, then I believed it wasn't something that would ever happen, and now that it has I don't know what to do. I DO care and I can't help caring I'm only human. Sorry for the rant I just don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated, I don't know if I can stop myself from stopping in front of a train but I'll try.