Venting Does anybody else here have an all or nothing mindset where they either want reality to be perfect or to ctb if reality isn't perfect?

[ijustwishtodie]

By the title, let me use my own situation as an example to show what I mean. In my case, I want reality to be such that I don't have to do any responsibilities at all. I want reality to be where magic spells are possible which makes all the responsibilities that I have to do get solved instantly. The dishes wash themselves, the house gets cleaned with a single snap, whatever drink I want spawns right in front of me etc etc. In addition to that, I can also teleport anywhere at any time and my suffering is non existent or at least close to non existent.

However, since reality isn't like this at all, I prefer death instead. I think that reality simply isn't good enough for my standards and demands. I know that other people experience worse but I don't care about that; I only care about me. Whether you like to admit it or not, you also predominantly care about yourself too. I just want reality to not be so shitty but, since reality is shitty, I'd rather die. Reality is just too inadequate as of right now.

Can anybody else relate?

 

[JKFleck]

Me too, for me it's either I both achieve a financial goal and the best friend that blocked me come back by my next birthday or I kill myself if at least 1 of the two criteria isn't met (I succeeded the financial goal one but that fucker still isn't back, fighting the urge to gamble all my money in a casino to "compensate" it)

BPD gang yay

 

[ijustwishtodie]

BPD gang yay

I don't have BPD though. I just find reality to be disappointing and limited

 

[AnxietyHangover]

Not that I have an all or nothing mindset, but all of my life's dreams have been shattered. I achieved nothing in my life, after years of trying and putting in the effort.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

My dreams are unobtainable to me and so is a normal life. The idea of death gives me comfort.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Not that I have an all or nothing mindset, but all of my life's dreams have been shattered. I achieved nothing in my life, after years of trying and putting in the effort.

I never had any dreams to begin with. I can't relate to those who have dreams though I can tell that it must hurt a lot to have your dreams get shattered. You have my condolences. Unfortunately, some people still suffer despite doing everything right

 

[DefinitelyReady]

By the title, let me use my own situation as an example to show what I mean. In my case, I want reality to be such that I don't have to do any responsibilities at all. I want reality to be where magic spells are possible which makes all the responsibilities that I have to do get solved instantly. The dishes wash themselves, the house gets cleaned with a single snap, whatever drink I want spawns right in front of me etc etc. In addition to that, I can also teleport anywhere at any time and my suffering is non existent or at least close to non existent.

However, since reality isn't like this at all, I prefer death instead. I think that reality simply isn't good enough for my standards and demands. I know that other people experience worse but I don't care about that; I only care about me. Whether you like to admit it or not, you also predominantly care about yourself too. I just want reality to not be so shitty but, since reality is shitty, I'd rather die. Reality is just too inadequate as of right now.

Can anybody else relate?

I'd like a Fairy Godmother too...

 

[AnxietyHangover]

I never had any dreams to begin with. I can't relate to those who have dreams though I can tell that it must hurt a lot to have your dreams get shattered. You have my condolences. Unfortunately, some people still suffer despite doing everything right

When I think about how things have turned it brings me to tears... What have I done so bad in my life that I deserve this? If I knew in 2022 how bad things would become I would've ctbed, but false hope struck me... I should've known better.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

When I think about how things have turned it brings me to tears... What have I done so bad in my life that I deserve this? If I knew in 2022 how bad things would become I would've ctbed, but false hope struck me... I should've known better.

That's why "it gets better" and "you're going to be okay" piss me off. Things can and often do get exponentially worse.

 

[derpyderpins]

Not as far as you describe. I just don't want to work a modern schedule. Let me work 4 hr days 4 days a week and I'd be g2g.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

That's why "it gets better" and "you're going to be okay" piss me off. Things can and often do get exponentially worse.

Maybe for some people it does get better, but I believe that's rare.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Maybe for some people it does get better, but I believe that's rare.

Indeed. It's also not a guarantee and people act like it is. Nobody can say for sure it will get better.

 

[Kavka]

I don't think I have an all-or-nothing mindset. However, I do have certain (ordinary) needs, expectations, ambitions and standards that to a large extent have been and likely remain unattainable for me. I could try to accept or tolerate it and play the hand I was dealt, but I'm not sure if I'm willing to and even can.

 

[derpyderpins]

That's why "it gets better" and "you're going to be okay" piss me off. Things can and often do get exponentially worse.

People who haven't suffered real emotional/psychic pain from simply dealing with existence don't understand that it can always get worse.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Not as far as you describe. I just don't want to work a modern schedule. Let me work 4 hr days 4 days a week and I'd be g2g.

I think that even 4 hours a day for 4 days a week is still too much for me. Personally I'd rather not work at all as I don't think that I can handle work to any capacity at all and, even if I could, I'd rather not

 

[derpyderpins]

I think that even 4 hours a day for 4 days a week is still too much for me. Personally I'd rather not work at all as I don't think that I can handle work to any capacity at all and, even if I could, I'd rather not

I'd also prefer not working at all, but there's a threshold for me before that where I'd say 'ugh, alright fine.'

 

[youshallrideeternal]

By the title, let me use my own situation as an example to show what I mean. In my case, I want reality to be such that I don't have to do any responsibilities at all. I want reality to be where magic spells are possible which makes all the responsibilities that I have to do get solved instantly. The dishes wash themselves, the house gets cleaned with a single snap, whatever drink I want spawns right in front of me etc etc. In addition to that, I can also teleport anywhere at any time and my suffering is non existent or at least close to non existent.

However, since reality isn't like this at all, I prefer death instead. I think that reality simply isn't good enough for my standards and demands. I know that other people experience worse but I don't care about that; I only care about me. Whether you like to admit it or not, you also predominantly care about yourself too. I just want reality to not be so shitty but, since reality is shitty, I'd rather die. Reality is just too inadequate as of right now.

Can anybody else relate?

Are you ok if I ask, and it's more out of interest, but do you feel your state of detachment from reality is Metaphysical, or Existential? Bearing in mind I know these two concepts can overlap. Like do you feel your Being, your body and all that encompasses is not apart of this existence, as though, you, Yourself, are estranged from fabrics of tangible matter around?; like when you touch something, it feels off, like it has no meaning or value? Or do you feel it's more innate, more, internal, that because of the path you are on, has crashed coursed from what you were hoping that everything around just seems like an illusion, or like a malfunction and you feel uncertain how to fix it?
I only ask this, and I may have potentially missed the point of the post, so I apologise if that's the case, but that seems to be what I'm reading from it. And if so, boy, is that painfully relatable!
I think it, and this is just my thoughts, I think it stems from the Narratives we are told as children about how Life not ought to be, but WILL be; you WILL make lots of friends in high school, you WILL have your first kiss at 16, you WILL find a stable career, a loving significant other, you WILL be a valued member of the community, etc etc. And so, for the few of us, when this constructed Life-Narrative that, remember, gets rammed into us from a young age, when these Narratives DON'T go as expected or hoped, we can start to question the nature of our own individual existence, and that can really do a lot of fucking damage to us.
Again, I could be totally off the mark here and I could just be projecting my own insecurities, so I do again apologise if that's the case. I guess all I can really say is, these are normal and ok feelings to have, and I empathize.
I hope this sheds some light, maybe? Or at least, just a warm kind reminder, you're not along in these feelings. :)

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'd also prefer not working at all, but there's a threshold for me before that where I'd say 'ugh, alright fine.'

I'm not strong willed or motivated or skilled enough to have any threshold at all. That's why my post is about all or nothing

 

[Saturn_]

Don't know about the all or nothing mindset, but generally I don't actually want to die. I really can't relate to people who go on about the beauty of nonexistence, because I personally don't find that to be a beautiful or calming idea. I want to live, I want life to be worthwhile and happy. But I don't see that happening ever. This has been an outlook I've had for years, and with the laundry list of mental health issues I have, along with the way these issues constantly interfere with my ability to not be a burden, I don't think me wanting to end it is an unreasonable response to the pain. I want to be happy, but there are far too many variables which would go into maintaining that happiness, many of which are impossible to attain.

 

[BlockHammer]

Well, im not wishing everything have to revolved around me or something over the top like that, but i do wish that reality will reward people who tried hard enough in everything regardless of their conditioned and raw talent. But we got nothing like that in this reality, that's why i decided if my last attempt to get a job/financial security isn't being rewarded, i might just off myself next year

 

[sserafim]

It's NEET or rope for me. I guess that's all or nothing?

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I don't want anything only to not exist, to get out of this hell

I don't want anything from this evil world and evil life

There was a short story free download about a god like ai. It didn't want to exist. Free to download . " I have no mouth and I must scream"

 

[derpyderpins]

I'm not strong willed or motivated or skilled enough to have any threshold at all. That's why my post is about all or nothing

Not even something like "once a week it will be your turn to walk along this sidewalk for an hour and pick up trash"? Not even that little?

 

[UnbelievableJelly]

I totally get what you mean. What was the fucking point of getting crapped on this earth when it's 99percent slaving away and suffering, and 1percent is fleeting pleasure? 'Normal' people roll their eyes and say I'm spoiled/childish (I really am not though) when I make this point. But I never signed up for any of this, what is childish about not wanting to suffer? 'Normal' people strike me as idiots who are totally ok with the price of having to eat shit everyday for the sole sake of prolonging an inherently pointless existence.

 

[Dark Window]

I understand. I'd not go as far as to say I'd want reality to be perfect, but I want to it to be at least quite good.

I've spent years battling emotional flatness and anhedonia. Activities don't give me that much pleasure anymore.

I want to see improvement. Just a bit, and maybe I could accept it.

I suppose as close I could get to where you are is not being willing to accept a life that is too diminished and Im just holding on with minor comfort.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I totally get what you mean. What was the fucking point of getting crapped on this earth when it's 99percent slaving away and suffering, and 1percent is fleeting pleasure? 'Normal' people roll their eyes and say I'm spoiled/childish (I really am not though) when I make this point. But I never signed up for any of this, what is childish about not wanting to suffer? 'Normal' people strike me as idiots who are totally ok with the price of having to eat shit everyday for the sole sake of prolonging an inherently pointless existence.

I agree .some people here see this . But the normies don't seem to

 

[LifeIsBS]

i relate, fantasy world is truly my dream. but if it's not realistic enough then atleast i want a reality where i can do what i really want, where other people know what they really want, where people don't just spend their entire lives living like an npc, where corruption, greed, sadism don't exist, where one can truly feel grateful to be born and experience sentience, where everybody know what it means to be alive and also that it doesn't actually mean much.

 

[drearysunrise]

I really relate to that idea of reality not being good enough for your standards. Working is miserable and soul-sucking. I'm sick of tiptoeing around social situations and not being able to go where I need to. It's exhausting having to deal with a constant influx of physical problems like thirst, hunger, headaches, allergies, chronic conditions, viruses, tiredness, etc., and having to exercise take all sorts of preventative measures just to keep my body from rotting.

It's always drilled into us that when we're unsatisfied about that sort of thing we need to "get back to reality". Because those things are all a part of life and everyone deals with them. But comparing my life only to what a possible human life could be seems so narrow-minded. Just because many of my problems are inherent to the nature of the world doesn't make me suffer from them any less. Theoretically, there could be a world where I came into existence without any of these constraints, a world where people couldn't suffer. There's infinite possibilities that I find beautiful. I think this reality is just one I'm fundamentally incompatible with

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think people would call my mindset an unreasonable, all or nothing one. It doesn't sound unreasonable to me though really. I want people (me included) to be able to work at jobs they have trained in and enjoy. Personally speaking, I'd like to be paid for the hours I work and to be able to create things to my standard. Which, I would say is slightly above average for my particular field. I aim for good but fall short a lot of the time! The reality is that there isn't enough money to pay for the hours and materials to work to those standards so, I have to compromise. I either have to do a total bodge job- which would upset me too much. Or- put in extra of my own time and do a slight bodge job- which I accept.

It's hard to know what's reasonable though really. Ultimately, we're being paid to do a job a certain way. That could actually involve cutting corners- if the company needs to save money, or doesn't need things to reach a certain standard. So, maybe that isn't unreasonable but yeah- it makes me feel like- what's the point? Is it just to earn money? I don't want to be that mercenary though.

If I went along with it without compromising. If I rushed through everything in the allotted time, I'd likely do a naff job and be unhappy because of that instead. So, life doesn't feel like you can win. I'm not the only one either. I have friends working all hours in order to do a job they feel satisfied with. And companies just exploit people for that.

So, maybe my standards are lower than yours @ijustwishtodie . I probably wouldn't mind the concept of work if it was more fair. If people could actually do what they had strengths in, if they were allowed to grow their talents and if they were properly rewarded for their time and effort. But yeah, as it stands, I ideally want to chuck the whole lot in.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

This sounds literally like me. Also embarrassing things don't exist and I don't go through trauma.