Discussion Does anybody else feel conflicted on how quickly or slowly they want to die?

[ssaaahmo]

I wanted to see how you think of this. I've had times where I just wanted to pull the trigger and others where I wanted to burn myself. I would sometimes go from one to another or in between the two or just be straight-up scared of dying. I'm currently wanting to die as slowly as possible so I can feel myself deteriorating and my body giving up on me. I find it to be a pleasant feeling, although sometimes it does hurt quite badly.

 

[idek]

Yes. I feel like I deserve a horrible, painful death... but I'm afraid that that kind of death is the sort I'll chicken out of or be found.

I ideally would like to die by blood loss. It feels cathartic. But it's ineffective and I've tried too many times and had too many stitches and long-term consiquences.

My next attempt will likely be with a gun (if I can obtain one), or sodium nitrate (for ease)... and if neither of those, I'll try Belladonna and just hope. I have the seeds, plan to lay them out and let them naturally germinate by laying them out in winter this year (if I'm still alive)... I guess cus I'm too lazy to try flushing the germination inhibitors myself (and snow fall is the natural way to do so).

Something about dying cold and having horrifying hallucinations honestly feels appropriate... the same way hanging feels appropriate (but I'm too chicken for that... especially about being found and fear of jumping off heights).

 

[cant cry]

God no. I've always wished I could just snap my fingers and be gone.
And I assumed that's what everyone preferred, but I guess I was wrong.

 

[TastySorrow]

I'm convinced I deserve a slow, horrible and painful death, no matter what people usually say about it, but I'm such a coward to go that way. Which BTW is kind of contradictory, since the most painful and agonic methods seem to be pretty effective (provided you're not rescued) and that pain technically shouldn't matter since it'd be one to end them all. Maybe it's not just fear, but also SI kicking in even at the sole idea of non-preservation?

 

[ssaaahmo]

Yes. I feel like I deserve a horrible, painful death... but I'm afraid that that kind of death is the sort I'll chicken out of or be found.

I ideally would like to die by blood loss. It feels cathartic. But it's ineffective and I've tried too many times and had too many stitches and long-term consiquences.

My next attempt will likely be with a gun (if I can obtain one), or sodium nitrate (for ease)... and if neither of those, I'll try Belladonna and just hope. I have the seeds, plan to lay them out and let them naturally germinate by laying them out in winter this year (if I'm still alive)... I guess cus I'm too lazy to try flushing the germination inhibitors myself (and snow fall is the natural way to do so).

Something about dying cold and having horrifying hallucinations honestly feels appropriate... the same way hanging feels appropriate (but I'm too chicken for that... especially about being found and fear of jumping off heights).

I've been afraid of jumping too...and hanging also. Every time I tried either it didn't work out how I wanted

God no. I've always wished I could just snap my fingers and be gone.
And I assumed that's what everyone preferred, but I guess I was wrong.

That's a valid way to think of it.

I'm convinced I deserve a slow, horrible and painful death, no matter what people usually say about it, but I'm such a coward to go that way. Which BTW is kind of contradictory, since the most painful and agonic methods seem to be pretty effective (provided you're not rescued) and that pain technically shouldn't matter since it'd be one to end them all. Maybe it's not just fear, but also SI kicking in even at the sole idea of non-preservation?

Yeah, survival instinct can be a real bitch.