Do you wish you catched the bus sooner?

[venin]

I wish I CTB sooner. 12 years ago before all hell broke loose. I wouldn't have suffered so much and wouldn't have worked so fking much in vain.

Tbh, I would've never thought life could be so unfair and insanely cruel.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Age 20 was it. But I just had to be hopeful for the future

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I should have done it years ago already, since I decided that ctb is most probably inevitable to avoid future suffering. It would have saved me a lot of trouble and more unsolvable problems. Yet I still didn't do it but want to so much. The only question is when the last fuse breaks to overcome SI and everything else, just doing it.

 

[taiberjames]

5 years ago when I was still a soldier,
Could have been so convenient with my rifle..

 

[Starry✧･ﾟDaze]

Yes. Just as expected it didn't get better.
Hopes and dreams are especially cruel and kept me alive, even though I could never reach them.
At this point it's just ridiculous.

 

[venin]

Yes. Just as expected it didn't get better.
Hopes and dreams are especially cruel and kept me alive, even though I could never reach them.
At this point it's just ridiculous.

It's beginning to be this way for me also

 

[Ambivalent1]

5 years ago when I was still a soldier,
Could have been so convenient with my rifle..

Guns are bad. They have a mind of their own

 

[Myexit]

Yes indeed. I never thought I'd make 25 years, yet, here I am in my mid 50's desperate now to get on the bus before I'm unable to.

 

[venin]

Yes indeed. I never thought I'd make 25 years, yet, here I am in my mid 50's desperate now to get on the bus before I'm unable to.

Fck that's a long time… sorry to hear it's that way

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course I do but suicide really is so difficult for me, it's inhumane how we cannot just leave in peace. In my case I truly wish I never existed at all as I don't see any benefit to suffering in an empty existence that was completely unnecessary in the first place, existence was a mistake and I always dread what lies ahead, I'm not meant for existing.

 

[venin]

Of course I do but suicide really is so difficult for me, it's inhumane how we cannot just leave in peace. In my case I truly wish I never existed at all as I don't see any benefit to suffering in an empty existence that was completely unnecessary in the first place, existence was a mistake and I always dread what lies ahead, I'm not meant for existing.

I also wish I hadn't been born at all

 

[GreenTree]

Yeah I do. It's not through lack of trying for me. It's not as easy as making a cup of tea.

 

[Zebulon]

For me it was after the summer of 2017.
I just came out of the suicide Station, was hopeful for the future and had a nice summer.
Like a litte Renaissance, before going back to the dark ages.

Now im so drained just from living, that ending it, is so hard. Like every activity

 

[venin]

For me it was after the summer of 2017.
I just came out of the suicide Station, was hopeful for the future and had a nice summer.
Like a litte Renaissance, before going back to the dark ages.

Now im so drained just from living, that ending it, is so hard. Like every activity

Feeling the last part

 

[Zebulon]

Feeling the last part

Yeah, I really should've CTB in 2017 when I had the energy. So much energy that i even had hope. Now I'm just a shell of myself slowly rotting away. Well i hope i can CTB in the next 10 Months before I turn 30

 

[blitz]

Yes I should have CTB in December 2013. Could have saved myslef and others alot of pain.

 

[venin]

Yeah, I really should've CTB in 2017 when I had the energy. So much energy that i even had hope. Now I'm just a shell of myself slowly rotting away. Well i hope i can CTB in the next 10 Months before I turn 30

I hope you succeed in whatever you pursue

Yes I should have CTB in December 2013. Could have saved myslef and others alot of pain.

For me I think it's 2011

 

[boom.shaka.laka]

Almost 15 years ago. I tried to ctb, was on my way and was found about an hour too early (according to what ER said). I wish every day that I would have succeeded then.
Now I have responsibilities that make it harder to ctb. And despite being told I should keep going I know I'm a burden to everyone around me. And I'm so tired of fighting day in day out with my brain.

 

[venin]

Almost 15 years ago. I tried to ctb, was on my way and was found about an hour too early (according to what ER said). I wish every day that I would have succeeded then.
Now I have responsibilities that make it harder to ctb. And despite being told I should keep going I know I'm a burden to everyone around me. And I'm so tired of fighting day in day out with my brain.

Yesss… the daily fight with the brain… well put

 

[boom.shaka.laka]

Yesss… the daily fight with the brain… well put

Some people can't even fathom the agony this daily fight brings, while others like us can't fathom NOT having this daily fight…

 

[venin]

Some people can't even fathom the agony this daily fight brings, while others like us can't fathom NOT having this daily fight…

Preach

 

[YoungJijii]

Yes. Just as expected it didn't get better.
Hopes and dreams are especially cruel and kept me alive, even though I could never reach them.
At this point it's just ridiculous.

That quote about hope prolonging suffering is true after all.

 

[FindingHome]

Yes, I wished I would have catched the bus sooner. In 2020, I had the chance to end my life and didn't go through it. I went out in the dark at the railroad tracks with a loaded gun to my head, as I was about to pull the trigger something came over me, the universe above me lit up and some strong told me to keep living. I don't know what that was that night, was it the supernatural stepping in or something else. Either way looking back now, I regret not ending my life at that chance when the method I had would have likely ended me.

 

[SolomonKado]

if I really had a choice I wish it was at the very beginning. Shortly into my childhood things started to go downhill and it has been an uphill climb without ever reaching the top. I wish people could see how their child's life is going to be before they give birth to them.

 

[Nothingisreal]

Honestly, it would have been preferable to have never been born.

 

[Kerrtu]

Honestly, it would have been preferable to have never been born.

If I could go back in time as a surgeon and give my father a vasectomy, I would've. They had 2 children already but just had to have a third.

Smh.

I don't even want to catch the bus anymore, I want it to run me over.

 

[Nothingisreal]

If I could go back in time as a surgeon and give my father a vasectomy, I would've. They had 2 children already but just had to have a third.

Smh.

I don't even want to catch the bus anymore, I want it to run me over.

Haha, we should just lie down in the road and hope.

 

[Techef]

Sometime during the pandemic lockdown, I think 2020 would've been the best. I'd received what would effectively be my "death sentence" in late 2019, and back then I still had enough energy to tidy up loose ends and funds to settle my debts and leave behind a little something for the only person I still care about. Would've been easier to get what I wanted to CTB back then, not to mention the world was focused on the pandemic and little else. But the thought to CTB never really crossed my mind seriously until several months ago, even as I suffered immense pain for the last now almost 4 years.

 

[Hunter2005]

I feel right now is the right time for me but this is a good question because I read on reddit a few weeks ago a guy said he had a choice to take himself out last year and he didn't and now he's much worse.

 

[Loooray]

I wish I was never born in the first place. My entire belief system based calculating how many good things vs how many bad things happen get me into an eternal loop of hopelessness. Even if it gets a tiny bit better, I will still have more bad things happening to me than good ones.
Despite all this - I still think we live in the best times possible. It's never been better in the history of mankind. It was just less complicated. It's just not the world I want to live in. Please let me know about your thoughts.