Do you think people who plan to ctb should be in a relationship

[HumansAreHell]

I guess as the title says do you think someone who wanted to ctb should stay in a relationship or if they should try to cut off all ties beforehand.
I oftentimes feel selfish for being in a relationship even though I don't really want to stay in this world. Do you think it would be best to end things before I decided to ctb? Or should I just go through with ctb anyways if it's what I really want?

 

[Hollowillow]

Hmmm... Ask them? My sister watched her lover drown & became bat shit insane. But I think if she had cried for days like natural grief, instead to get high on antidepressants that caused her psychosis... She'd be ok instead of brain fried...

You can choose to enjoy each other as long as you can bear... Or let her detach herself by breaking her and move on before the shock.
Maybe write a letter that you broke up because you planned to die, so her self esteem is better? But if you declare your love too much she might kill herself too...
Hard to choose

 

[hungry_ghost]

My perspective: I think it's... ironic? Maybe kind of selfish.

There are people who like me who have been lonely for decades, never had a real relationship, let alone even a fuck buddy who stuck around and gave a shit.

Meanwhile, people with actual lovers or spouses want to die.

Not saying you aren't justified with your feelings in wanting to leave this shithole world, but then at least have the courtesy to break off the relationship.

Don't utilize someone's time, energy, emotional labor and then leave them with the trauma of suicide.

 

[NoLightRemains]

I guess as the title says do you think someone who wanted to ctb should stay in a relationship or if they should try to cut off all ties beforehand.
I oftentimes feel selfish for being in a relationship even though I don't really want to stay in this world. Do you think it would be best to end things before I decided to ctb? Or should I just go through with ctb anyways if it's what I really want?

This is a hard question that really depends on the nature of the relationship. I personally am in a relationship still, but have been very open since the beginning that I have chronic suicidal thoughts and a lot of baggage. I still feel an immense amount of guilt about my plans for suicide, but she seems very supportive and doesn't want to abandon me. She's a better person than me and I feel like I don't deserve her love and energy, because I will just likely throw it all away in the end. I hope she can forgive me someday.

 

[haiku]

I guess as the title says do you think someone who wanted to ctb should stay in a relationship or if they should try to cut off all ties beforehand.
I oftentimes feel selfish for being in a relationship even though I don't really want to stay in this world. Do you think it would be best to end things before I decided to ctb? Or should I just go through with ctb anyways if it's what I really want?

I think about this often and I do feel an immense amount of guilt just being in a relationship at all because I understand being in a relationship with someone who has all of this mental baggage is not easy. I feel selfish too. I don't have a good answer for this as I ponder it a lot as well, and as @NoLightRemains said, it does seem situational. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in these thoughts. I hope that I can also be forgiven and remembered for my good days

 

[Forever Sleep]

That's a very difficult question. I truly feel sympathy for people who feel so much guilt about leaving their significant others behind.

Guess how I see it though is- to get them to break up with you, you will either have to make them start hating you, or I guess- spring it on them. Either of which will be confusing or painful or both- for both of you. I imagine it takes quite some time to get over someone, so even if you ctb when you are not together, it's still going to upset them I imagine. Personally, I think in some ways it's actually 'kinder' to stay with them and to make as many cherished memories as you can (if you can). Plus, to leave them a note explaining as best you can why you did what you felt you had to.

I think it's unfortunate when couples find themselves in this position but I still don't think it's selfish. Sometimes, we just can't go on.

I guess- what I can't quite get my head around is people searching for a relationship if ctb feels fairly likely. I guess I understand it in terms of recovery- I think forming relationships of all kinds must help in that but if ctb is definitely on the cards, that does seem a bit unfair.

I've lost family members at varying ages. My Mum when I was 3, my Nana when I was 10. My Nana's death was incredibly painful at the time because we had had that time to become close and build beautiful memories- there was so much more to miss. That said, if I had the chance to have somehow had my Mum for longer- so that I would have some memories to cling to- I would choose that. I know it's not the same but I guess it's my thinking that it's more preferable to have some good memories rather than conflicted ones.

It's an interesting post and I think it's something people with any kind of ties considers.

 

[onetapgandhi]

Why not but I guess the partner should be informed at some point when you realize that the personal connection is there.

 

[willitpass]

the issue is there is no good answer. you break it off with them and then ctb and they feel like it was their fault or feel angry. or you don't break it off and ctb and they feel like it was their fault or feel angry. no matter how you do it they will feel horrible. once you have gotten yourself into a relationship there is no easier route for ctb. they will ultimately feel the same emotions, just with different thoughts behind them