progressingdeath
Member
- May 24, 2024
- 12
At one point I believed I was getting better, and honestly, I'm sure I was until I relapsed into unhealthy and self sabotaging + harming behaviors and actions and no longer participating in therapy/DTB as well as relapsing on drugs. I was able to escape my horrible situation and now I have an amazing boyfriend but I didn't appreciate him and what he did for me at first and broke his trust severely. We were on and off for awhile due to my behavior and how I broke his trust until a couple months ago. Now we live with each other and over all we're very happy but I feel all of my overwhelming symptoms flooding back into me with the same intensity they had when I was a teen during my first love.
I am accountable for what I did to lose his trust but my bpd symptoms have flooded back since and it's causing problems on top of him just not trusting me and having a hard time developing trust back. It makes me feel like there just isn't any point to be alive even more because I don't know if I can go on having to control myself to the point I have to not blow up the way I have... This will be my life every day and sure it might get easier but do I want to have to consciously control myself like that forever?
I am accountable for what I did to lose his trust but my bpd symptoms have flooded back since and it's causing problems on top of him just not trusting me and having a hard time developing trust back. It makes me feel like there just isn't any point to be alive even more because I don't know if I can go on having to control myself to the point I have to not blow up the way I have... This will be my life every day and sure it might get easier but do I want to have to consciously control myself like that forever?