Partial-Elf
Eternal Oblivion
- Dec 26, 2018
- 461
For some reason I've had poor boundaries and self discipline my whole life.
Like, I will just continue getting closer with someone i find interesting regardless of whether it's situationally appropriate. This has caused problems for me personally and professionally, in most organizations I've been in. tbh there should probably have been worse repercussions than there have been so far.
I've certainly never cheated, but I will say I start to break down mental and emotional barriers and romanticize others when I am in a monogamous relationship. I shouldn't, but I do somehow. I also to be too trusting or naive and have been taken advantage of because of those traits. It's extremely hard for me to pull away from toxic people that I find interesting.
But as I reflect I guess it's also beyond relationships with others. I have the hardest time not having another drink when I start, or not having a drink in the first place if I feel the itch.
I'm terrible at maintaining diets, or abstaining from this forum, or not buying things from Amazon. Growing up I had the aptitude for math related, lucrative professions, but never the discipline to really dig in and pick the hard classes or majors that would require sustained effort but lead to a higher quality of life.
It's extremely hard for me to say NO when people ask me to take on positions of responsibility for the organizations I'm a part of... yet I'm terrible at maintaining strict rules for those I supervise, and everything ends up in terrifying shades of grey.
behind these weak boundaries, I have another issue... I always feel the need to be able to cut off that relationship and leave at a moments notice. there's nothing I hate more than the feeling of being trapped, limited, put in a box, committed. I get very uncomfortable when I realize I'm dependent on someone or something, and then I want to kick the habit.
i will refrain from psychoanalyzing myself other than to say I think it basically comes from feelings of loneliness and insecurity. Its that classic image: there's a hole or void in me that I just can't seem to fill no matter how I try.
To make matters worse: I'm currently in a living environment in which there are a lot of social and emotional needs i Just don't get filled-I think this leads me to displace those needs onto whoever available, which is usually not appropriate
This is Not directly suicide related... but I do think lack of boundaries and personal goals has led me to where I am. Trail of broken relationships, withered friendships, burned and awkward bridges... do we really want someone like me out here?
anyways... wondered if any of you might be able to relate.
Like, I will just continue getting closer with someone i find interesting regardless of whether it's situationally appropriate. This has caused problems for me personally and professionally, in most organizations I've been in. tbh there should probably have been worse repercussions than there have been so far.
I've certainly never cheated, but I will say I start to break down mental and emotional barriers and romanticize others when I am in a monogamous relationship. I shouldn't, but I do somehow. I also to be too trusting or naive and have been taken advantage of because of those traits. It's extremely hard for me to pull away from toxic people that I find interesting.
But as I reflect I guess it's also beyond relationships with others. I have the hardest time not having another drink when I start, or not having a drink in the first place if I feel the itch.
I'm terrible at maintaining diets, or abstaining from this forum, or not buying things from Amazon. Growing up I had the aptitude for math related, lucrative professions, but never the discipline to really dig in and pick the hard classes or majors that would require sustained effort but lead to a higher quality of life.
It's extremely hard for me to say NO when people ask me to take on positions of responsibility for the organizations I'm a part of... yet I'm terrible at maintaining strict rules for those I supervise, and everything ends up in terrifying shades of grey.
behind these weak boundaries, I have another issue... I always feel the need to be able to cut off that relationship and leave at a moments notice. there's nothing I hate more than the feeling of being trapped, limited, put in a box, committed. I get very uncomfortable when I realize I'm dependent on someone or something, and then I want to kick the habit.
i will refrain from psychoanalyzing myself other than to say I think it basically comes from feelings of loneliness and insecurity. Its that classic image: there's a hole or void in me that I just can't seem to fill no matter how I try.
To make matters worse: I'm currently in a living environment in which there are a lot of social and emotional needs i Just don't get filled-I think this leads me to displace those needs onto whoever available, which is usually not appropriate
This is Not directly suicide related... but I do think lack of boundaries and personal goals has led me to where I am. Trail of broken relationships, withered friendships, burned and awkward bridges... do we really want someone like me out here?
anyways... wondered if any of you might be able to relate.
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