Do you regret not CTB?

[Aliali1992]

I am afraid of clinching to some false hope now that gives me a little bit of comfort for now....and then later in the future be even worse and want to CTB even more but only in apocalyptic world where the remaining two N sources are out and my SN would've went bad or found and can't find any. And then i would have to settle to an awful method. For those of you that waited to CTB do you regret it now and say i should've dobe it when it was easier or not?

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I regret changing my mind and trying to throw up without success when I took SN. Had I sad quiet for 10 minutes, I'd be gone. Now I have no access to it, I am stuck with a potentially gruesome method.

 

[lion4000b]

Thats exactly the situation and dilemma I face. I definitively wish I ctb earlier but fear of making a mistake and hope that things would improve stopped me. Not only that but my fear that my problems would become worse if I held on absolutely came true. And still in the back of mind remains a glimmer of hope that a rainbow is just over the horizon. We were designed with a built in survival mechanism and its torturing me. That being said Im not trying to sway you either way. Maybe that rainbow is just over the horizon for you.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

When you took SN was it painless ? or can you describe your level of pain from 1 to 10?

My level of pain was one :), but I was high as a kite. You can check my thread. The only scary symptom was a racing heart, but again, I do not know whether this was the adrenaline since I had just downed it like a shot of vodka and was so proud that I had the courage, or whether it was the SN itself. I was starving when I took it and I was happy to have something in my belly.

 

[_Minsk]

i wish i'd have ctb way earlier, i wouldn't had to go trough all that pain which till today is still present with me..
i wish i would have ordered some SN just as plan b, now it seems impossible to get it.. but im glad i also have everything needed for a hopefully peaceful drowning method, knowing you have an actual plan feels already like relief, even tho there might be more convenient methods like N..

 

[GoBack]

I wish I did it months ago I had a chance and messed it up. Now I can't cause of where I live, I don't want them to find me. No hotels, not even a forest anywhere near

 

[Woodnote]

I definitely regret not doing it sooner.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I regret not stepping forward on that bridge, I regret allowing family bonds getting in the way, I regret not being selfish

 

[K-O]

i still cannot believe i was found and rushed to hospital that first time i overdosed..
i was at peace and so close to crossing over to my love..
timing is everything.
ffs!

 

[BPD Barbie]

I wish I'd gone at my first attempt at 14. 16 miserable years later and several more attempts and I have so much regret for failing every single day.

 

[nerve]

Sometimes.

The longer I stick around, the sicker my brain gets. I don't like the person this fight is turning me into so I hope I can be gone before it gets really bad and I do something terrible or somehow lose what dignity I have left.

 

[ghostgirl1995]

I wish my first few attempts would have taken me :( now everyone is suspicious and I have to act fine all the time when I'm rotting inside.

 

[ManWithNoName]

Thats exactly the situation and dilemma I face. I definitively wish I ctb earlier but fear of making a mistake and hope that things would improve stopped me.

Pretty much same for me.

 

[Bct]

I also having regrets. The longer I'm alive, the more I'm going to make fatal mistakes. Wish I was CTB on March

 

[deadpixels]

I used to be mad at me for not ctb many years ago, I would feel bad every time I saw some news about someone younger ctb. Now, I think about it in a different way:

I gave life a chance

Now, no one can say that I'm seeking a "permanent fix for a temporary problem", no can say that I didn't try.
If I ctb back then, I would have died with the doubt that maybe things could have been better, but now, I will die in peace, my decision is rational.

I still didn't find peace regarding other matters, that's the only thing I seek now.

Peace

 

[niloc]

I have an option to do it every day.. I just need to get to that point. I'm nearly there.

 

[idontevenknowanymore]

I regret not CTB while I had no one I cared about. Now I have my boyfriend and my rabbit who I don't wanna hurt. It's hard, I keep suffering and nothing seems to get better unfortunately.

 

[nirvana133]

I'm 26, and wished i would have ended this shit 10 years ago, but then again there wasn't resourceful sites like this, so i would have messed it up probably.

 

[Living sucks]

I regret not knowing about SN the first time I attempted. If I had known I wouldn't be here. It's been almost 2 years since that.. And I've tried a few times more but now I'm scared of the pain bcuz I know how bad it's going to hurt .. the first time I was determined but had the wrong method. Now i know what will work but know the pain.