dandan
One more attempt on life.
- Feb 18, 2019
- 1,298
With the idea that all I've have to do now, is trying to enjoy whatever amount of time I've got left before CTB makes things calmer and better. That's like a mind trick.
Living life without a purpose or mission is harder, so I have a little purpose / mission of doing/building a small but growing group/community of people interested in doing something together....
I wish I could learn to make money, that trick alone could give me little more time in life .... I'm looking into possibilities
I could enjoy sex but haven't found a partner , some nice sex before CTBing ain't that bad for me... Just little crazy while knowing I might ctb later on... Not paid sex, no way no, I don't enjoy that actually.
A mindtrick for getting over the fact that I lost a LOT almost all my money worth maybe 2 houses, definitely 1 house, and currently paying rent would be awesome... I currently say to myself "fuck it, try to enjoy what ever amount of time you've got left"
When all my feelings , thoughts get suicidal I fantasize doing some bad things like hurting someone who is kind of responsible or whom I blame for my condition, but that doesn't actually helps....
Avoiding responsibility sucks but I admit they do are to be blamed haha....
Reading positive self-help books was hoping only to realize is was just hopeful... Need action doing things and results to feel little better, kind of a daily surviving challenge, otherwise I wouldn't getup from bed making everything worse ...
Which methods/mindtrick you use to stay alive? To try to live?
Living life without a purpose or mission is harder, so I have a little purpose / mission of doing/building a small but growing group/community of people interested in doing something together....
I wish I could learn to make money, that trick alone could give me little more time in life .... I'm looking into possibilities
I could enjoy sex but haven't found a partner , some nice sex before CTBing ain't that bad for me... Just little crazy while knowing I might ctb later on... Not paid sex, no way no, I don't enjoy that actually.
A mindtrick for getting over the fact that I lost a LOT almost all my money worth maybe 2 houses, definitely 1 house, and currently paying rent would be awesome... I currently say to myself "fuck it, try to enjoy what ever amount of time you've got left"
When all my feelings , thoughts get suicidal I fantasize doing some bad things like hurting someone who is kind of responsible or whom I blame for my condition, but that doesn't actually helps....
Avoiding responsibility sucks but I admit they do are to be blamed haha....
Reading positive self-help books was hoping only to realize is was just hopeful... Need action doing things and results to feel little better, kind of a daily surviving challenge, otherwise I wouldn't getup from bed making everything worse ...
Which methods/mindtrick you use to stay alive? To try to live?