Do you know anyone who’s died of suicide?

[AutisticAcademic]

Have you lost anyone to suicide? Has it changed how you view your own possible exit?

I've lost 2 close friends to suicide. I'm autistic so I haven't been close to many people in my life. I tend to attract and be attracted to neurodivergent people with mental health issues, so it's of no surprise to me that of the 5 people I've been closest to in life, 2 are dead from suicide.

My first friend and I talked a lot about suicide. We both believed we would experience a self-chosen death, even if it was not in the immediate future. He worked so hard on his mental health issues. Therapy, in-patient treatment, medications, Buddhist practices…… the list goes on. I support his decision to end his life because his suffering was overwhelming. I miss him tremendously, but it would be selfish of me to want him to suffer for me. I believe he made the right decision for himself.

My other close friend and I never really discussed suicide. Her death caught me by surprise. She was suffering from postpartum depression. I don't believe it was the right decision for her because she was in a temporary bad place. I believe it she stuck around, things would have gotten better. It hurts me that her son will grow up without his mother. I believe she convinced herself that she was bad for him and he would be better off with her dead, but nothing could be further from the truth.

I've always been upset that the first friend I mentioned didn't call me or leave me a note. We had discussed suicide many times and he knew I would support his decision and not do any welfare check BS. I'm glad he is at peace, but I'm sad I didn't get to say goodbye. Because of this, I will call my best friend to tell her goodbye. She already knows this and wants me to. I would also leave letters to other loved ones.

I also have many acquaintances who've died by suicide. One, I had a meeting (recorded) with him 2 weeks before he shot himself in the head. Out of curiosity to the mentality of a person 2 weeks before their suicide, I started to listen recording of the interview. I hadn't noticed anything off in the meeting, but hindsight is 20/20. We said hello and he asked how I was. I said I was fine but sad summer was over (it was early Sept). He told me he's optimistic and he believes we will still have more summer days. I found his optimism a bit strange and didn't listen to the rest of the recorded meeting.

 

[SufferingInDenmark]

i had a friend all the way from when we were like 14 or 15... we had fallen out later on, but still followed each other online.
i'm 90% sure it was some form of suicide.
just a week or so before he died, he deleted every single social media account of his, except twitter
and a picture storing site i think he had forgotten about, but it would show up when googling his name.

his last tweet was something about him having covid and he said "i'm not tired of life, but......."
he was like 30, highly unlikely he died from covid.
he was very very big, so hey, i guess it's possible.
but seeing how he deleted around 5 social media sites a week before his death is just very suspicious.
and that "i'm not tired of life, but..." tweet.

so i think he probably did have covid, but maybe he was in so much pain from it, that he decided to catch the bus somehow.

or who knows, he could've used covid as an excuse to kill himself, if he didn't want people to know he killed himself.

RIP.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I didn't know him personally for obvious reasons but my great grandfather drowned himself when the Communist Chinese Party seized his farmland that had been in my family for generations.

 

[SufferingInDenmark]

I didn't know him personally for obvious reasons but my great grandfather drowned himself when the Communist Chinese Party seized his farmland that had been in my family for generations.

by jumping from a bridge or something like that? even tho you didn't know him, still RIP to your great grandfather

 

[getoutgirl]

I haven't had close ones commit suicide, as I've never had many close ones. But I remember my neighbour. Knew little about him. He cycled everywhere, I think he worked on a cigarette company or something cigarette maybe he sold them I dunno, and he lived in a blue house. He hanged himself in there one day. He had a history of depression also and not many friends as no one found him for a week until his landlady. The fact he did it a week away from her visit leads me to believe it might have been impulse, or didn't care, but who knows.
I passed by his house every day through that week and I still get a little weird about it when I do now.

Also really sorry for your loss. Not one but two close friends, specially if you don't have that many can wreck you so bad. Also post partum depression S u c k s. Lots of hugs your way <333

 

[music]

my dad, two possible online friends, and a non-binary game creator i looked up to massively.
only the first one had much of a permanent impact on me as it was a lot earlier than the others so anything following is about just about that

Has it changed how you view your own possible exit?

yeah, entirely. it introduced me to the concept and led to me being more sympathetic to people who attempt it. there were years where i was convinced that it was an unbelievably selfish thing to do *to* people, as the typical narrative goes. i was stuck in an environment i hated during that time, with impulsive suicidal thoughts i really hated myself for having. as i got older though, i picked up things i didn't previously know about him and so much fell into place from his behaviour to his actions against me, culminating in my first realization that it wasn't a mistake. he'd been fighting off the ghosts of his parents, adoptive and biological, as well as a legitimate bipolar disorder which i only learned of by listening to a conversation through my floor five years later.

the point is—before that, i saw people thinking of suicide as inconsiderate, maybe weak. myself included. after learning just how far back his torment went and how far he came from it, i forgave him and everybody else, in time. myself. included. we deserve to be heard without people leaving mid-sentence to hide the sharp things. that's all

 

[deadbidaylight]

I know it's hard to look at your friend who was a mother's suicide in the proper context, but PPD is a totally real, totally debilitating illness that needs to be talked about more. Everyone asks how new baby is doing, hardly ever asks how mum is doing. They're expected to care for the baby, do all the normal housewife duties, bounce back from pregnancy and sleep and take care of themselves. Not to mention that the hormones trying to right themselves out wreak absolute havoc on your body and your mind. Some have to deal with all of this while being a single mother and/or having no help at all.

I suffered from extreme PPD after I had my daughter. Everyone told me it was okay to get help if I was struggling, and I pushed it to the side and told everyone I was fine, because you're expected to be. After fighting with my own mind for 3 weeks, my father caught me hanging up the rope in my bedroom. If it weren't for him, I'd be dead and my daughter would've been motherless at 3 weeks old. I didn't even realize the full gravity of what I was doing at the time.

I ended up in crisis, and within a few days of being on medication, I couldn't believe the difference. I should've swallowed my pride and got the help sooner. The first 3 weeks of her life are a blur mixed with darkness and complete despair, and I'll never get that time back.

I'm sorry for your loss. I think losing someone to suicide just hits different.

 

[TransTaxEvader]

My best friend 2 years ago, he got wasted, sent a few friends a message about how he was thinking about shooting himself, and went through with it.

 

[AutisticAcademic]

deadbidaylight - I'm so sorry you experienced debilitating PPD. I have never had a child but I know what deep depression is. I'm grateful you are here today.

I have many regrets with my friend, but I try to not think about it because the guilt can be overwhelming. I feel the most bad for her husband and parents because she told them she was going to CTB. They wanted to call 911 and get a psychiatric hold. She talked them out of it and told them she would attend her psychiatrist appointment the next morning to determine the next course of action. She killed herself before that appointment.

 

[Natty*]

My mother, grandmother (on my dad's side), great grandmother (on mom's side), and a cousin

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

by jumping from a bridge or something like that? even tho you didn't know him, still RIP to your great grandfather

He simply jumped into the ocean and his body was found later apparently.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Several people. Cousin by marriage partial hanged himself. Neighbor across street blew his brains out. Former coworker killed self after getting bad medical news, but not sure how, though. A neighbor "kid" and friend, back when I was a kid around 10 or 11, who was older than me by about 6 or 7 years, used his dad's shotgun to kill himself. There was a guy in high school who killed himself, more an acquaintance than friend. Think he hanged himself.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I lost a boyfriend and 3 friends from suicide.

I've also lost myself flatlining 2 times during attempts...

 

[billie]

i've lost friends to suicide but soon i'll finally see them again

 

[trashhologram]

I lost 2 people I loved just a year apart. My good friend hung himself and next year my mom's cousin shot himself. They're still in my mind frequently even though they died years ago.

 

[deleteduser853695]

Lots of people. Actually, every single person I know who's died, died of suicide (besides my elderly grandmother who got COVID). My dad's cousin, my mom's great-uncle, some of my high school classmates, an online friend, they all died by suicide. A lot of my friends who I lost touch with who are alive today have tried to end their lives as well. There were some classmates who tried and survived. I've been surrounded by suicide all my life.​

 

[lastch]

I know a few people who've died from suicide, nobody I was close with but as a suicidal person, it brings a pain in my chest everytime. Most notably, a 12 year old girl I thought gymnastics to recently died by suicide. That was especially horrible knowing that an innocent child felt the heavy pain I do and saw no future for herself. The world is a cruel place.

 

[dimgobaith]

Cousin, Work colleagues, friends, people i went to school with and a friend's son while in school

 

[Setmefree76]

Yes a couple

Both by hanging after drinking a lot

I don't know if either had tried it before- nobody saw it coming either

 

[NoPoint2Life]

had someone I met on AOL decades ago. We became online friends and later texting friends. We only met in person twice. Wound up not hearing from him for a while, including when I wished him a happy birthday. I just knew. I googled him and found his obituary that said he had chosen to leave this earth on whatever date.

And I'm such a hypocrite because I looked at old text messages and while he did make comments that implied he wanted to die for whatever reason I never took it super seriously…. or maybe I did. I can remember feeling alarmed a few times. If I had known we could've had an honest conversation about how we each felt about suicide, I would have loved to have known and had it. But it's so taboo even when there are signs someone is depressed.