Foresight
Enlightened
- Jun 14, 2019
- 1,393
Do you have any unexpected issues to hopefully improve while in recovery? The less obvious ones that might surprise even you?
My time in the depths of hell has left me with some unusual things I hope to improve. One thing I thought of this morning is that smiling feels uncomfortable. Like a foreign mannerism. It feels like my face muscles have atrophied in a way and I can't easily lift my face in that way anymore. I don't know if that's the actual case but it feels like that. I need to rebuild strength in my face to smile in recovery. I also don't think my mind registers smiling correctly. I think most of my smiles in the past decade have been fake so now smiling is associated with people pleasing rather than embracing my own joy.
Another thing is I'm terrified of wearing colorful clothes. I have issues with people pointing me out because of appearance problems, so I started to wear the most bland and unnoticeable tones to avoid further eye catching sights. Now if you put me in a colorful outfit I get scared. Just wearing it is enough to tell my mind I'm vulnerable. I'm wearing bright orange today to tell my mind it's okay, you're not going to be attacked. I have so much neurosis to repair.
I was wondering if anyone could relate to these less spoken about issues and if you have any of your own?
My time in the depths of hell has left me with some unusual things I hope to improve. One thing I thought of this morning is that smiling feels uncomfortable. Like a foreign mannerism. It feels like my face muscles have atrophied in a way and I can't easily lift my face in that way anymore. I don't know if that's the actual case but it feels like that. I need to rebuild strength in my face to smile in recovery. I also don't think my mind registers smiling correctly. I think most of my smiles in the past decade have been fake so now smiling is associated with people pleasing rather than embracing my own joy.
Another thing is I'm terrified of wearing colorful clothes. I have issues with people pointing me out because of appearance problems, so I started to wear the most bland and unnoticeable tones to avoid further eye catching sights. Now if you put me in a colorful outfit I get scared. Just wearing it is enough to tell my mind I'm vulnerable. I'm wearing bright orange today to tell my mind it's okay, you're not going to be attacked. I have so much neurosis to repair.
I was wondering if anyone could relate to these less spoken about issues and if you have any of your own?