Do you have a personality disorder? if so, which one(s) and is it why you want to ctb?

[Volatile]

i have Avoidant Personality Disorder. I have other mental disorders too but they're in another category. Upon reflecting, I realize that my personality disorder is my core problem. As far as I know, there's no real treatment or cure for it. Exposing myself to new people daily doesn't lessen the anxiety at all.

If I live a full life, then I can expect to suffer so much more from this disorder than I already have. That's hard for me to imagine that the worst is still yet to come.

I'm working on treating my OCD, but I don't see the point since my personality disorder remains regardless. It's why I'm a shut-in. Shut-ins rarely reintegrate.

It seems ctb makes sense since I'm going to die one day anyway and probably from something terrible. The next step is so hard though. This whole thing is a tragedy

 

[lady_godiva]

I'm about 99% certain I have borderline. With avoidant traits. It is one of many reasons I want to ctb. Come to think of it, some of the other reasons were probably directly caused by this disorder.

 

[your pathologist]

Bi polar disorder? At least thats what they tell me. My dad is apparently bipolar with psychosis, but he thinks god talks to him and can focus on anything but scripture...
Like he'll say god told me to tell you...
I dont wanna end up like him...

 

[TheFool]

I am all but certain I could be diagnosed with borderline, possibly with avoidant traits as well. I think one psychologist I saw at 19 actually thought I had BPD looking back but didn't want to diagnose me for whatever reason. I say that because he preferred to give me a diagnosis of something he knew I didn't have, which I know because he openly told me I didn't have it as he was giving me the diagnosis. Whatever he thought, he seemed to feel pretty bad for me.

Either way, my issues definitely have the character of a personality disorder more than that of a "chemical imbalance" or some other purely physical condition. And yeah, it is why I want to ctb. It seems the closer I get to being a normal guy with friends and girlfriends and whatnot, the more I want to end my life. I think it's probably a lot to do with the fact that I assume people only like me because they feel bad for me. The more someone seems to like me, the more I feel guilty for manipulating them into liking me by being pathetic, and it doesn't matter how much I try to reason with myself that that's not why they like me. It ends up being less painful to just avoid people, but that's terrible in its own way, so really it seems there's no way to win.

 

[Roph]

I have a variety of mental illnesses and, collectively, they're why I want to ctb.

 

[AveryConure]

I am all but certain I could be diagnosed with borderline, possibly with avoidant traits as well. I think one psychologist I saw at 19 actually thought I had BPD looking back but didn't want to diagnose me for whatever reason. I say that because he preferred to give me a diagnosis of something he knew I didn't have, which I know because he openly told me I didn't have it as he was giving me the diagnosis. Whatever he thought, he seemed to feel pretty bad for me.

Either way, my issues definitely have the character of a personality disorder more than that of a "chemical imbalance" or some other purely physical condition. And yeah, it is why I want to ctb. It seems the closer I get to being a normal guy with friends and girlfriends and whatnot, the more I want to end my life. I think it's probably a lot to do with the fact that I assume people only like me because they feel bad for me. The more someone seems to like me, the more I feel guilty for manipulating them into liking me by being pathetic, and it doesn't matter how much I try to reason with myself that that's not why they like me. It ends up being less painful to just avoid people, but that's terrible in its own way, so really it seems there's no way to win.

He may have decided to not diagnose you with it cause for whatever reason a lot of doctors truly believe men can't get bpd or that if they have it they're somehow gay, etc. It's unfortunate cause there was a guy I knew in a hospital who took him about ~10 years just to get properly diagnosed with it. At least he's getting proper help now, but it shows old sexist attitudes still exist in medicine unfortunately.

 

[chapternate]

I've got bpd, and yeah it's part of the reason i want to ctb, i guess. it's exhausting to feel like this.

 

[littlelungs]

I've been diagnosed with borderline personality four times in the past five years and my life is a constant shit-show in one way or another, so I can't really ignore it. My reasons for wanting to ctb are very extensive and somewhat complicated, but a good portion of my reasons seem find their roots in the symptoms of BPD.

I wouldn't wish BPD on my worst enemy. It is hell.

 

[Hanging on]

I have depression but it's a shit illness, you're brain is telling you constantly you are a waste of time , a failure, a worthless nothing. . Though probably have other disorders if I was properly diagnosed.

 

[Sayo]

I have BPD and AvPD. I agree with you that reintegration is unlikely, at least for me. It's almost impossible to get effective treatment for my BPD, I've looked for years for DBT or schema and it's never worked out.

 

[Shogun]

I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I absolutely detest the way I look. It's a huge part of my life and it kept me inprisoned in my home for most of my 20s, but it's not the only reason I want to ctb.

 

[Fucking loving it]

Bpd and many other dx's.

 

[worldexploder]

Major depressive disorder, anxiety, anhedonia, Borderline Personality Disorder w/ avoidance and dependent features, and childhood related PTSD.

 

[iiii5555]

I don't like to self-diagnose, but i am almots 100% certain that i have some form of autism with boderline personality disorder and AvPD traits. So sad to be stuck in silence prison with the voices in my head, not being able to do anything cuz i don't know the rules, and nothing that i do can be anything other than boring.

I feel like a ghost walking among the living, not having any impact in my existence.

 

[randal_bond]

Gosh, do most of you have BPD? My mum had BPD and she lived to a ripe old age. But she messed my health in a very bad way. She's the reason I'm here.

 

[Trashcan]

There was a group of people who said I have borderline, but everyone other professional I've seen disagreed with it and said I was misdiagnosed. I don't know. I might have some traits, but I'm not the "classic" borderline if that makes sense. Or I might have had traits when I was younger, but I got DBT as a teenager so that might have changed it for the better. Even though I still want to ctb, if you have BPD, and want to maybe give life a chance, I would recommend DBT.

 

[Radaghest]

Borderline with Paranoid tendencies.
Comorbid with: PTSD, MDD, SocAD, GenAD.
Only 1 to 2% of the population supposedly has a Personality Disorder.
(I suspect its actually much higher than that.)
Of them, 10% will ctb.
So, theres a 1 in 10 chance one of us here will ctb due to our personality disorder.

When we say Personality Disorder, we are referring to the following:
Borderline PD
Histrionic PD
Antisocial PD
Schizotypal PD
Narcissistic PD
Schizoid PD
Paranoid PD
Avoidant PD
Dependent PD
Obsessive Compulsive PD

Personality Disorders can not be cured, and meds have little effect on them. Sometimes therapy is helpful....sometimes.

 

[Schopenhauer]

I have never been officially diagnosed with anything. And I never will, since I'll never see a psychiatrist. Fuck these rent-seeking quacks. But I suspect I have some form of Avoidant Personality Disorder. It's not fun at all...

 

[GeorgeEastman]

I finally found out why I avoid them though. No interest.

When I was young, I thought it was they were better. Well, now I'm old and they're dumb. And I still avoid them. They're too loud, too dumb, too smelly, too big, too whatever. I can't stand them. I can barely stand myself.

And if I isolated myself completely, my mind would be ravaged with guilt for not contributing to society. All around suckass mind fuck. Just all around fucked in the head, no hope, will be glad to be dying.

 

[okyeah]

my personality is fucked. It's what you get when you have a schizophrenic mother and ur an only child. I feel as though I was put through legal child abuse growing up. None of it was technically illegal...just did a number on my personality and therefore my entire fucking life.

 

[Radaghest]

my personality is fucked. It's what you get when you have a schizophrenic mother and ur an only child. I feel as though I was put through legal child abuse growing up. None of it was technically illegal...just did a number on my personality and therefore my entire fucking life.

Same here.
Moms Schizophrenic, will not, never has, and never will take meds.
She single parented my sis and I.
We both ended up with BPD.

 

[okyeah]

Same here.
Moms Schizophrenic, will not, never has, and never will take meds.
She single parented my sis and I.
We both ended up with BPD.

That must have been horrible and frightening. It's weird because I think I have BPD symptoms but never got formally diagnosed.

 

[Radaghest]

That must have been horrible and frightening. It's weird because I think I have BPD symptoms but never got formally diagnosed.

Diagnosis is not all its cracked up to be.
Theres NOT MUCH you can do for a Personality Disorder.
So knowing is just kind of "m'eh".
And then more sitting around tapping your foot and whistling as normal "life" passes you by and you wait for your next inevitable meltdown.

 

[Radaghest]

Anyone here ASPD and willing to admit it?
Sometimes I think I need an ASPD to assist me to ctb.
At least if I go with partial.
To help me get the angle right, fuck off when I pass out, and call the ambulance anonymously in a couple of hours so I dont putrify alone for days.
I need someone with no fear of death or The Law.

 

[TooLate2582]

Anyone here ASPD and willing to admit it?
Sometimes I think I need an ASPD to assist me to ctb.
At least if I go with partial.
To help me get the angle right, fuck off when I pass out, and call the ambulance anonymously in a couple of hours so I dont putrify alone for days.
I need someone with no fear of death or The Law.

I'm honestly afraid to know what I truly have if I ever got officially diagnosed.

 

[Dani Paradox]

lol I love it though

 

[Help_Me]

BPD. idk is it the main reason or not. I just can't handle with my pain.