Do you guys ever want life to get even worse?

[LostHope556]

I want life to get worse, to get so bad that I have to CTB. I've wanted this for a long time, I just never really vocalized it.

A part of me wants to self-sabotage even harder. Ruin everything good that I have in my life. Fuck up the relationship I have where she actually loves me and supports me. Fuck up my friendship with my closest friend.

Because as of now I still have shit to live for. Even though my life is likely always going to suck, It doesn't ALL suck. There are beautiful parts.

But I'm really really tired... Soul tired.

And I'm tired of always picking myself up and trying. I want to be done. Finally, actually done.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Honestly, i don't think i could make it worse without just like, shooting fent and becoming homeless

 

[Griever]

Honestly, I don't think my life could be worse than it is now because I've hit rock bottom

 

[IndictEvolution]

Yes. My brain is kind of traumatized and got very good at cutting off emotions, and it makes me feel like a robot, or like I've taken SSRIs without actually taking them. I hate it because I know it's not who I am, and I often have this feeling of wanting to be able to feel bad, because it feels very wrong to not feel bad anymore to me.

 

[divinemistress36]

Ya as messed up as it sounds I want my dads copd to finally kill him so it will finally push me over the edge to ctb and we can both free of suffering

 

[AnimusLapsus]

Like physical pain, there is only so much mental pain we can withstand. When we reach our limit, something must give. My entire identity, sense of belonging, integrity, and value have given. I can't possibly imagine what kind of person I would become if things got any worse than this.

 

[StupidCat]

I've been thinking about this same issue on me. As I'm aware, I don't want my life to get worse, quite the contrary but I feel like every action (or inaction) I make just makes my situation worse. May be an unconscious thing? Like I don't deserve to be happy or something. I had so many chances to make my life better but never took them, and in retrospective it feels like I should but some reason I don't. It's messing me up honestly. I feel like everything I do is for the worse of me but I'm not totally aware of it. I've always been suicidal, I remember telling my parents that I wanted to die at 7, and through all my childhood and adolescence I felt like this. Now that I fucked up everything I just have no excuse now, I don't really want to die but it feels like I should.

 

[LostHope556]

I've been thinking about this same issue on me. As I'm aware, I don't want my life to get worse, quite the contrary but I feel like every action (or inaction) I make just makes my situation worse. May be an unconscious thing? Like I don't deserve to be happy or something. I had so many chances to make my life better but never took them, and in retrospective it feels like I should but some reason I don't. It's messing me up honestly. I feel like everything I do is for the worse of me but I'm not totally aware of it. I've always been suicidal, I remember telling my parents that I wanted to die at 7, and through all my childhood and adolescence I felt like this. Now that I fucked up everything I just have no excuse now, I don't really want to die but it feels like I should.

Holy shit, this is so similar to me it feels eerie. Or maybe I'm just drunk and lonely trying desperately to connect lmao

I tried to poison myself at 9yo

And yeah, me too, even though I've tried so goddamn hard to make my life better, it seems retrospectively I've always made the wrong choices.

I honestly kind of wonder if I'm cursed. Or some sort of karmic bullshit or something I don't know.

It seems like whatever I try to do, the rug always gets pulled out from underneath me. As if something enjoys watching me suffer. I know that's probably my trauma, but it's really weird and shitty to see reality itself seemingly reflecting the same pattern back at me over and over again.

Now I'm just tired as hell.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I guess in a way I have wished life would get worse for me because I feel more secure when eye-to-eye with fear, disaster, and pain. If those feelings start to fade I start to feel uncomfortable and worried. Nothing scares me more than feeling like things might not be so bad, because without fail, something bad happens right after that feeling.

 

[LostHope556]

I guess in a way I have wished life would get worse for me because I feel more secure when eye-to-eye with fear, disaster, and pain. If those feelings start to fade I start to feel uncomfortable and worried. Nothing scares me more than feeling like things might not be so bad, because without fail, something bad happens right after that feeling.

Honestly, same.

Whenever I think things are getting better, something bad happens.

It's almost like happiness actually brings bad shit.

 

[Nikki_Music]

would make it easier to finally do it