For the last year eating has become one of the most annoying things. Sometimes I seriously think if i have to eat one more time, I'd rather die. It has become so
boring and stressful because for the most part, I'm the one responsible for what i eat. Constant need to decide what to eat, preparing it and having to go to supermarket every week really causes anxiety and stress. If i'd live in a bigger city, i'd use food delivery services, but unfortunetely I have no such option and I have to do the process of buying food while having anxiety all my own. All this hassle for the two-minutes long 'pleasure' which is not even a pleasure
for me, just a need of my body. It makes me suicidal because I know having to eat is neverending. As long as I live one thing is sure - you always need food. That's a nightmare for me.
But at the same time, it's weird, because I look at pictures of dishes almost every day, fantasize about eating healthy and looking at pictures of vegetables and fruits and soups is my obsession. I guess because having this obsession is also what causes me anxiety. I fantasize that I have a better relationship with food, and I can be someone else, someone really healthy. That's really hard to put into words. And I do fantasize about new dishes I've never tasted and imagine eating something that would blow my mind away, but I never go to restaurants because I feel out of place in every public place. I eat once or twice a day a proper meal and snacks in between. So what was the question I already forgot. Ah, no I do not forget to eat but I wish I never had to eat. lol.
