Some days I'm thinking about killing myself 24/7 and sometimes I'm like meh, fuck it, let's see what happens.
k75
L'appel du Vide
- Jun 27, 2019
- 2,546
I always have the urges and the thoughts, but I'm constantly on the fence. One foot always out the door... it's exhausting.
Yes some days it's intense. Sometimes i'm
overwhelmed with irrational and rational fear about issues in my life. I often don't know how to solve my problems lol! That's when suicidal ideation hits hard.
overwhelmed with irrational and rational fear about issues in my life. I often don't know how to solve my problems lol! That's when suicidal ideation hits hard.
Definitely. Most days are bad, but some are worse than others.
BPD Barbie
Visionary
- Dec 1, 2019
- 2,361
I used to be wayyy over the fence, pretty much in the garden next door when it came to ctb. But now, I've been in treatment and taking a cocktail of medications and I've gone back over the fence to my own side. Who knows how long I'll feel like I want to be here for, it's still so new. Never planned to be alive now, was supposed to be dead on the 20th, but there we go.
HighwayToHell
Member
- Jan 29, 2020
- 94
No, I want to die. I just haven't gathered my wits enough to commit to it yet.
Glad to hear you've found something that's working so far. Hope it continues to work for you.
ScornedStoic
Fated
- Jan 17, 2020
- 89
Like some others indicated, I'm definitely done. I just cannot settle on a method.
There's nothing left for me on this side of the veil.
There's nothing left for me on this side of the veil.
I'm definitely with you @k75–riding the waves back and forth and getting tired of swimming. I struggle with how much to tell my therapist sometimes, too. Sometimes part of me wants to tell her when I'm ready to follow my plan to ctb so she'll stop me, and other times I don't want her to know so I can finally cross into peace. Then I feel like I can't even be suicidal correctly—no consistency, apparently lacking the guts to actually do it for real, just whining and empty threats.
