Discussion Do you feel obliged to try to be happy/ cheerful around others?

[Forever Sleep]

I remember once, a colleague at work apologised for being more low than usual because his Dad had just died. I was kind of surprised. One- that of course he would be upset after that- there was no need to apologise. But two- that he obviously felt the obligation to act happy around others.

I decided he was much nicer/ more considerate than me because, I don't tend to burden myself with that. If I'm miserable, it's unlikely I'll do much to pretend I'm not. I'll try not to make it really obvious either, unless it's really bad. But, I won't apologise for being quiet or low. I suppose I do realise it's difficult to be around though and, seeing as it's exhausting to mask, I try to avoid being around people all together now.

How about you? Do you try to be in a good mood around other people? Or, do you wear your heart on your sleeve? Do you feel bad about possibly bringing others down or, do you think people should tolerate us- whatever mood we're in?

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

I always act positive. I smile and joke. It makes me feel better and for a little while sometimes even forget about my troubles (even if it's all acted).

On some days however i can't seem to keep that mask up. I had people question me if everything is alright and while i appreciate that they care, i just don't want them to. I don't want anyone to see how fucked up i am and then leave me.

 

[Grog]

I mask all the time, especially in front of my parents.
It feels so liberating when you find someone you can expose the entirety of your soul to.

 

[MrJoker789]

Yes.
Everyone does pretty much, I think
That's why when someone is asking you "how are you?"
Most are never expecting you to say anything else than "fine"
They are more just performing a ritual, a greeting
If you tell them how you actually feel, you are making things awkward for them
I think the answer to this question is probably the most commonly told lie in the world lol
Because almost everyone will probably just say "fine" or something similar, even if they are not

 

[Forveleth]

If I am at more of a event type thing, like going out with a group of friends, then yes, I force myself to appear more happy. However, in my daily life, I do not have the energy to pretend to be happy all the time, and I really do not think we should be forced to. If a co-worker asks, how are you? I have no problem saying, I am kind of shit today.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes.
Everyone does pretty much, I think
That's why when someone is asking you "how are you?"
Most are never expecting you to say anything else than "fine"
They are more just performing a ritual, a greeting
If you tell them how you actually feel, you are making things awkward for them
I think the answer to this question is probably the most commonly told lie in the world lol
Because almost everyone will probably just say "fine" or something similar, even if they are not

That's true actually. I suppose I was thinking more in terms of a longer length conversation or, simply being around people for a longer time though. I know a few people who- no matter how they are feeling, tend to maintain a more positive vibe. I do admire that really but then, maybe they don't feel so down so often. I think for people who are actually depressed, to mask the whole time would be exhausting but then- there will still be a handful that manage it. I just think they're more selfless than me!

 

[heatnormal]

Do you try to be in a good mood around other people? Or, do you wear your heart on your sleeve? Do you feel bad about possibly bringing others down or, do you think people should tolerate us- whatever mood we're in?

i don't think i ever felt the need to recalibrate my mood for other people -- i'd say i try to be in a good/neutral mood in social situations. i've worked with people who had moodswings and couldn't control them well. it must feel isolating.

 

[LonelyPrince]

Depends on who they are.
In general I don't hide how I feel, its all out there. That's why people avoid me: they feel uncomfortable seeing someone else in pain and don't wanna deal with that lol. My teacher explained this to me.
My classmates would speak badly about me and treat me like disposable garbage just because of my obvious mental state I didn't mask.

I can refrain from looking utterly miserable with people who I newly befriended, as to not scare them away.
However, even with them I still retain a bit of the same melancholy, I can't fully mask it.

 

[FoxSauce]

Yes I do. If its gamily yeah everything is sunshine and rainbows and friends depending on trust and how long we known eachother.

But i still try to tell them everything is fine despite everything. With my parents I always day I'm fine even if im the verge of a breakdown even myself. I rather cry and fall apart in private I hate crying infront of people.

I just dont want pity.

 

[LittleSunshine]

Always, it's what I do. I always feel responsible for making others feel good. I can barely bear to see others suffer, so it's not entirely altruistic. And, yes! It backfires sometimes too. It remains a battle to also guard your own boundaries in this.