Discussion Do you feel like you have to ctb after wasting so much time invested in the thought of suicide?

[Circles]

I feel like a hypocrite spending over half my life thinking and believing that suicide is the ultimate goal, my only goal for that matter, and yet I'm still here prolonging the inevitable. I may be young but after spending so much time invested into the thought of killing myself I feel like the longer I stay alive being like this the more I believe it's going to be harder to get out of it in the future if at all. Like hell I could've became a doctor or something with the time I spent wasted on suicide which basically makes me a nobody with a doctorate in suicidal tendencies at this point, but with nothing to physically show for it well besides my ugly attitude and face. It's like quicksand where the harder you try to escape suicides grasp the more it sinks you back in.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

No. You are putting illusory pressure on yourself. If your circumstances change for the better, and you stop feeling like that, you can walk away from it at any time without guilt.
Feeling guilty about NOT killing yourself is both pointless and preposterous.
However, I understand about feeling pulled into it by circumstances. But that is how it is, SI as a coping mechanism? Still, no reason to feel guilt about being alive and there is nothing hypocritical in it of you realise why you feel as you do. That's just honesty.

 

[Sslsh]

Well its never too late. People start off late in life and still make something of it You do not have to do it just for the sake of doing it. If you feel that its affecting your life then take a break from all this for a week and try focusing on something else. And beauty is subjective. You do not have to punish yourself because some third person finds you unattractive. And believe me, most people in this world have a very ugly attitude. Just that they are good at hiding it.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I enjoy the notion that I'm ultimately in control of my decision. For me, you either do or you don't want to live/die.

I'm a fairly flaky person. Having come to terms with that has made me a very basic person. I eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired. I just live by my base instincts, without much deep thought into anything.

I've planned to become a millionaire, planned for years in advance but flaked out on most things. If I suddenly want to live one day I will simply cease to spend time using thought energy on suicide. But I'm pretty convinced that my life is over, and that won't change.

It all boils down to control, for me. Without thinking about something you can rarely do a thing, unless it's entirely impulsive. The more I think about suicide the more likely it is to take place, but if I naturally got a desire to live I wouldn't beat myself up about it.

 

[muffin222]

No. I don't think anything in life is ever truly wasted. It served a purpose to us at the time, and even if that purpose is no longer valid, it doesn't render the time we spent investing in it a waste. Our circumstances and priorities simply changed, that's all

 

[lostangel]

I don't know. I feel like having the knowledge to leave this earth could be useful. If things fo get better then I won't make myself do something I don't want at that moment.

But everything is temporary so everything you once had, won't be there forever.

 

[ssaaahmo]

I'm not sure, being suicidal for me has been very conflicting and I honestly still haven't gotten it all figured out yet.

 

[MBlue]

Definitely no! You are not obligated to do this even if you spend a lot of time for thinking about suicide. I wouldn't also say that suicidal thoughts are wasting of time, they just come as a result of long term bad condition and suffering. You have right to live and don't need to be ashamed for changing your mind, it may be the best decision in your life to give yourself another chance...

 

[patheticpartner]

From a practical viewpoint, yes, but also in the grand scheme of things, no. We all live such a finite life compared to how infinite time is, it's almost as if we're all already dead, so what is the rush and why do I want to die so badly? I would live out the rest of my days just out of curiosity, but I'm not indifferent to strife and stress, so I want to kill myself to avoid experiencing the negative aspects of life and emotions.