do you ever wonder what would happen after you killed yourself

[mittymittens]

i don't know if i will live a full life. i have bpd or bipolar disorder i have no idea but either way i experience life and emotions way differently it seems than my peers.

if i ended it, i know my mom and my sister would not take it well. it would feel weird if i ctbed when we are all recovering from my fathers death from a little over a year ago. i dont want to put another burden.

but in real life, i am a shy person. so thinking of the attention it would bring that i committed suicide partially doesn't satisfy me, and makes me feel too vulnerable and seen. if i were to kill myself in a perfect reality id think realistically id only want the people who knew me to know. but even the ones who do know me, i dont even like the idea of gossip surrounding, as that happened with my father.

i just want to disappear and for everyone to about forget me

 

[StoicPizza]

I wonder. Maybe the game ends and the world ends when I end. Maybe

 

[whybother2002]

I'm absolutely certain that I would ruin my parents' lives and bring them to an early death.

 

[OOUUneverover]

I think it would depend on the family member. My parents wouldn't like it, but I think my sister would be okay. Ultimately it is my body and my choice and I'll be too dead to know what happened anyway.

I've honestly been thinking about how to piss them off so that they let me go more easily. But I'm not sure how to do that. If anyone has any ideas I'd love to hear them.

 

[DeadManLiving]

Back in the Roman and Greek rule/times there was a fascination on the topic of suicide. Contrary to current Western perception, it was seen as an extraordinarily brave act. Sometimes is a means of atoning for one's despondency and an honorable way to go.

In this current Western age it's more neutral and bizarre.

When you're an old enough adult you stop giving two shits about what they say or think or the prevailing narrative.

In the end everyone will face the same fate. The suicidal only has the advantage of time and choice, while all others are compelled to expose themselves to a broad variety of harms which are only increasingly likely to arise in the future and then ultimately old age, the greatest evil, depriving life of all of its pleasures and leaving one only with the appetite of them and bringing with it all of its sufferings and loneliness with lesser and lesser autonomy.

 

[ginko0]

I take comfort in knowing I'll be too dead to care.

 

[tiltedcompass]

My mom already told me that she would follow me if I died, so probably that.
My partner would be devastated, and will make his depression much worse. He would feel lonely, but hopefully his family will support him.
It's sad to think about it, but it is what it is. Someone has to suffer either way.