Discussion Do you ever just get an urge to CTB

[Wait-Bus]

I sometimes have no reason to CTB. Everything is fine but I just get this urge where I think about it a lot. Practice it in my head.

Do other people get these urges as well - that seem to be independent of anything that is going on in life?

 

[TimetoGo!]

I sometimes have no reason to CTB. Everything is fine but I just get this urge where I think about it a lot. Practice it in my head.

Do other people get these urges as well - that seem to be independent of anything that is going on in life?

yeh. get the urges everyday ........still not found the correct method

 

[Countdown Kirk]

I get emotional flashbacks. They last from minutes to hrs. The intensity varies. This happens from 20 to 30 times a day. I get very exhausted. I could easily throw myself off a bridge. Or extinguish a cigarette out on my face. The pain is intolerable. I do nothing. Just sit and wait for it to pass. What a life....

 

[Rairii]

yep, even when I had a brief period of my life that was half way decent I still had urges to end it. even if i had a perfectly happy day, at the end of it I'd just think "wow i should just die" even though I wasn't exactly feeling down or anything of the sorts. it's a strange thing for sure.

I get emotional flashbacks. They last from minutes to hrs. The intensity varies. This happens from 20 to 30 times a day. I get very exhausted. I could easily throw myself off a bridge. Or extinguish a cigarette out on my face. The pain is intolerable. I do nothing. Just sit and wait for it to pass. What a life....

i get these too, they often are my biggest triggers to impulsively CTB. Thankfully I've gotten better at not doing it during those moments but dang, it takes everything out of me. I'm so sorry you have such experiences too.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Wouldn't be here if I did not.

 

[Wait-Bus]

yeh. get the urges everyday ........still not found the correct method

I wouldn't say I get urges every day, but about once or twice a year I will have really strong urges that will last a few days to a week. I do think during those times if I had the opportunity - I would just impulsively hang myself - no questions asked

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm not sure I can characterize my needing to ctb as urges. It is more like the steady beat of drums, somewhere in the back of my head, that seemingly get louder as the day of reckoning gets closer. Maybe they'll start to beat a little faster, too, as that day gets nearer. But, they're constant. There's no ebb and tide with them.

 

[Wait-Bus]

yep, even when I had a brief period of my life that was half way decent I still had urges to end it. even if i had a perfectly happy day, at the end of it I'd just think "wow i should just die" even though I wasn't exactly feeling down or anything of the sorts. it's a strange thing for sure.


i get these too, they often are my biggest triggers to impulsively CTB. Thankfully I've gotten better at not doing it during those moments but dang, it takes everything out of me. I'm so sorry you have such experiences too.

I am not sure how it manifests itself in you, but these urges almost feel like a song that sticks in your head. Every thought goes from "let's do it now because you are going to eventually die anyways" to how happy I would be in those final moments when I drift into unconsciousness. I find myself just standing there, imagining what it would be like just hanging there in my final position.

And then the next day I wake up and all the urges are gone and I don't even think about it, till it creeps into my thoughts several weeks or months later.

I'm not sure I can characterize my needing to ctb as urges. It is more like the steady beat of drums, somewhere in the back of my head, that seemingly get louder as the day of reckoning gets closer. Maybe they'll start to beat a little faster, too, as that day gets nearer. But, they're constant. There's no ebb and tide with them.

When I am having my urges - I feel the same - like music in my head that sticks there. I really do believe if I had those urges along with the opportunity (a hotel room) and a hanging kit with me ( I have one), I think I'd be gone in an hour. All the thoughts that keep me from doing it, would not exist in my consciousness. I'd just be focused on doing it.

 

[SamTam33]

I get emotional flashbacks. They last from minutes to hrs. The intensity varies. This happens from 20 to 30 times a day. I get very exhausted. I could easily throw myself off a bridge. Or extinguish a cigarette out on my face. The pain is intolerable. I do nothing. Just sit and wait for it to pass. What a life....

I get the exact same thoughts.
Had the cigarette one last night.

Another one that comes to me quite often is stabbing myself in the thigh. Not because it will kill me but because... I don't know why. I just need a target to destroy.

I used to have an old pillow that I would stab. I've "progressed" to wanting to stab myself.