rayless
Stay at home son
- Aug 19, 2019
- 10
(this is mostly just a rant)
I sometimes think if, when I'm activelly wondering if I should ctb, is it because life is bad in nature and nothing's worth the innate suffering all of us will go through, or is it because of the frustration I go through for actually enjoying some parts of life and wanting to be in this world, but failing at every attempt to be at least average for it to be worthy.
It's terrible to don't know if I really know myself and, even less, the sources of my suffering.
At the moment I feel I just wish I was average, normal, in every aspect of my life, but I fail even at understanding and expressing what I really am and feel. I'm trying to finish a job I have to deliver tomorrow but I just can't, and I don't know why. It frustrates me so much to be unable to do simple, mundane things everyone can.
I'm tired of being abnormally apathetic, everything's so bland from the outside but these things take so much from my energy.
Has any of you been through the same conflict? The desire to be normal but the unability to be?
I sometimes think if, when I'm activelly wondering if I should ctb, is it because life is bad in nature and nothing's worth the innate suffering all of us will go through, or is it because of the frustration I go through for actually enjoying some parts of life and wanting to be in this world, but failing at every attempt to be at least average for it to be worthy.
It's terrible to don't know if I really know myself and, even less, the sources of my suffering.
At the moment I feel I just wish I was average, normal, in every aspect of my life, but I fail even at understanding and expressing what I really am and feel. I'm trying to finish a job I have to deliver tomorrow but I just can't, and I don't know why. It frustrates me so much to be unable to do simple, mundane things everyone can.
I'm tired of being abnormally apathetic, everything's so bland from the outside but these things take so much from my energy.
Has any of you been through the same conflict? The desire to be normal but the unability to be?