SanguineShark
I am the monster you created
- Jun 23, 2023
- 223
I was described as a masochist by my psychologist a few times, and that's very very true. I hate myself and often do things either consciously or subconsciously to hurt myself or keep myself in pain, both physically, psychologically, emotionally and even sometimes sexually. My years of suffering caused me to see this depressed, awful state as a comfortable one because it's now familiar. Do I romanticize suffering and pain? Yes. It's what I'm used to and that's my unhealthy coping mechanism. I'm stuck in a downward spiral where my broken mental state causes me to suffer and then I start enjoying that suffering, prolonging it and causing me to be stuck in this pit of despair.
Sometimes I feel like my last moments should be painful, at least that's what I think I deserve, a pathetic and worthless shadow of a human.
I'm suffering from Stockholm syndrome with myself, I'm my own worst abuser.
Sometimes I feel like my last moments should be painful, at least that's what I think I deserve, a pathetic and worthless shadow of a human.
I'm suffering from Stockholm syndrome with myself, I'm my own worst abuser.