Discussion Do you ever feel like a stranger with your own family/friends?

[Scooter]

I've become much more observant over the past few months. Now to preface I have great friends and my family growing up always made sure I had food to eat and a bed to sleep in. However, I've noticed anytime with my friends I feel like I'm not really part of the group. I interact with them, crack jokes, and all that jazz, but for some reason I just don't feel like I'm with them in the moment. And with my family it just feels like I'm a stranger in my own home. This isn't their fault or my friends, but something just inside of me that makes it impossible to feel like I'm apart of someone elses life. Also my girlfriend broke up with me back in October, and she mentioned that it was hard to find a connection sometimes with me. I don't know this all just makes me feel so unwanted and replaceable, like me going away wouldn't effect anybody. Which I should add is a good thing in a way, I don't want to cause harm when I CTB.

Anyone else have this sort of feeling? I would love to hear what the community has to say.

 

[charlottewilts]

oh yes, i feel like this quite often. i'm sorry you do as well. do you think it might be dissociation? when i'm speaking to a family member, i often feel like i'm speaking to someone random. i have to remind myself "that's my mother/father/sibling"... it's a little less prominent with friends, but it happens too. the most disconcerting part of these feelings is when i can't recognise myself in the mirror.

 

[imagineit]

I'm sorry. I know this feeling, but I think it is the result of me distancing and isolating myself from people for too long. At some point I feel like some sort of permanent dissociative effect has been taken on. It's hard to be around people and not feel like my presence is in some way inappropriate.

I am not sure how else to say it and maybe it's not the same. I feel like the less social interaction is had, the harder it is to reestablish normal feelings in these moments. It sounds like you have regular social contact, maybe you can persist and try to understand the moment and how you can relate to it and the others. But constantly thinking about these things in these moments will not be productive.

I find it very hard to even be out bullshitting with people, but one thing that helped me maintain sanity in the moment though is trying to understand the thoughts and feelings the moment is bringing out and how these things inform my understanding of it. There is some form of cbt called self-instructional training. This usually involves a professional, and I am not suggesting this as comparable to genuine cognitive behavior therapy, but you can read about this stuff if you are interested. Self reflection can be counterproductive, so the idea of retraining how one reflects on the moment is sometimes helpful. This sounds very broad, but I do not want to suggest too much or ramble on. Maybe you are familiar with these things, maybe this isn't what you are looking for. Sorry to hear you find yourself feeling this way, though.

 

[Farmmaa]

I'm sorry. I know this feeling, but I think it is the result of me distancing and isolating myself from people for too long. At some point I feel like some sort of permanent dissociative effect has been taken on. It's hard to be around people and not feel like my presence is in some way inappropriate.

I am not sure how else to say it and maybe it's not the same. I feel like the less social interaction is had, the harder it is to reestablish normal feelings in these moments.

This is worded so perfectly it hit me to my core.
I have effectively isolated and distanced myself from family and friends for so many years that the only place I feel comfortable now is when I'm alone. I no longer have a sense of belonging or fitting in to anyone else's lives.

I have a small family and extended family so growing up we all spent a lot of time together. When I moved away from my hometown when I was in my early 20's, I only saw family once or twice a year and so our bond and connections in every day life faded away.

When I moved back here almost 10 years ago my relationship with my kids went the same direction.
I know they love me, but I just don't feel like I fit in to their lives any more.

I've spent 10 years socially isolated - with only my pupper as family and company.
I can now be in a room full of loved ones and feel just as disconnected and isolated as when I'm alone.

 

[passenger27]

I don't really have friends because I have agoraphobia (hard to have friends when you rarely go out of the house), and I've been isolated from my family for years. I don't have much family to begin with, a couple of sisters and a few uncles and aunts, but we don't relate at all. Sometimes I wonder if they think my mental illness is catching, like pneumonia or something. It's sad that my own family feels that way, but on the other hand it's their ignorance, not mine.

 

[k75]

I often feel like a stranger with my friends and family, and it's nothing they do at all. Everyone else will be having a great time, but I secretly feel like an outsider, like I haven't known these people for my whole life.

I notice it most with my best friend, and he knows me better and more completely than anyone else in the world. We've been friends for 15 years. We've been intimate. We have no secrets. But I feel uneasy, on guard. Like I can't fully relax. Sometimes he notices it, like the way I'll be sitting next to him. He tells me to relax and makes comments sometimes, so it's obvious. And it drives me crazy, because there's no reason for it. I am safe and comfortable with him, and there's nowhere I'd rather be. Why am I like this???

 

[thepolarbear]

All the time, my man. I was just thinking about this the other day. I was at a family meeting.. and I felt like an outsider.

 

[mayflower]

I havent felt like I've fitted in anywhere for 40 years. Have done a pretty good job of fooling most of the people most of the time.
Recently ive been isolating myself as well. Don't have the energy to pretend anymore

 

[90sAesthetics]

My dad's my only true friend in this world. An absolute badass legend. Although, can be a boomer at times. But a very chill, laid back legend.

My Grandpa (d. 2008) was also a complete boss. Treated me well, had nothing but purity in his heart.

His wife (my maternal grandmother) smothered him to death while he was in hospice care. If there's a God, he took notes, because she died excruciatingly of cancer in 2012. I've pissed on her grave once and I'd love to do it again before ctb. If there's a Hell, I'll see her there.

My mom is basically a paranoid control freak who thinks everyone is out to get her. Can be an absolute cunt at times, to the point I consider her "grandma 2.0". Seems to care the most when I can bring money to her. Good thing we don't talk much anymore. Farther I'm away from her, the better. Has said and done so much cringe shit that I could write about 1000 encyclopedia-length novels about it. Wow.

Got an older brother who must be a complete autistic manchild (with all due respect). He was in diapers until at least 10 years old. I am not bullshitting. Polygraph me. Approaching 30 years old, he still can't tie his shoes. Will rage the moment you say more than 2 words. Has had endemic anger problems since birth. He is the lost cause of the family tree.

Younger NEET sister in her 20s who suffers from extreme OCD. Like, she's got literal, clinical OCD that keeps her in fear/survival mode 24/7. I've seen her suffer and I don't wish it on anyone.

I seem to be the most knowledgeably ascended one in the immediate family. Nobody I talk to can relate, so I just don't talk to them anymore.

 

[Scooter]

oh yes, i feel like this quite often. i'm sorry you do as well. do you think it might be dissociation? when i'm speaking to a family member, i often feel like i'm speaking to someone random. i have to remind myself "that's my mother/father/sibling"... it's a little less prominent with friends, but it happens too. the most disconcerting part of these feelings is when i can't recognise myself in the mirror.

I'm starting to believe so, and I think going to a therapist could potentially help me with this, but I've done that so many times before so why would this time be different. It just feels like I have no identity seriously, and it's extremely depressing and makes me have lower self-esteem that I already do...

 

[pole]

i feel alone in a room full of people, or when i'm around friends and family. guess it's better to be that way so you don't get too attached to people ever so easily and give another person the opportunity to hurt you.

 

[Scooter]

I'm sorry. I know this feeling, but I think it is the result of me distancing and isolating myself from people for too long. At some point I feel like some sort of permanent dissociative effect has been taken on. It's hard to be around people and not feel like my presence is in some way inappropriate.

I am not sure how else to say it and maybe it's not the same. I feel like the less social interaction is had, the harder it is to reestablish normal feelings in these moments. It sounds like you have regular social contact, maybe you can persist and try to understand the moment and how you can relate to it and the others. But constantly thinking about these things in these moments will not be productive.

I find it very hard to even be out bullshitting with people, but one thing that helped me maintain sanity in the moment though is trying to understand the thoughts and feelings the moment is bringing out and how these things inform my understanding of it. There is some form of cbt called self-instructional training. This usually involves a professional, and I am not suggesting this as comparable to genuine cognitive behavior therapy, but you can read about this stuff if you are interested. Self reflection can be counterproductive, so the idea of retraining how one reflects on the moment is sometimes helpful. This sounds very broad, but I do not want to suggest too much or ramble on. Maybe you are familiar with these things, maybe this isn't what you are looking for. Sorry to hear you find yourself feeling this way, though.

I do notice when I'm involved with clubs in college, working, and being more social in general I usually do much better mentally. It's just I'm at the point where I do see a reason to get better? Either way I'll pass away at some point and don't see a purpose in my own existence. Ultimately I just don't see a logical reason to get better when I have such a nihilistic view on life. I have heard of CBT before and have heard of how successful it can be. I do wonder if my pointless view on life is due to my mania and ever changing mood and panic. I do like your point of reflecting on the moment rather than being pessimistic!

I havent felt like I've fitted in anywhere for 40 years. Have done a pretty good job of fooling most of the people most of the time.
Recently ive been isolating myself as well. Don't have the energy to pretend anymore

I can't imagine what 40 years of feeling alone feels like, I wish I could say I understand your situation. I do agree with your point of having no energy to pretend. Why act like I'm apart of the group and converse when I don't feel like anyone wants to hear me talk or want me there.

 

[waterbottleman]

I feel accepted by my family.

i don't have any friends, but I did growing up as a kid. I eventually split from my friends (that's a whole other story too long to explain here) but as my friends and I grew up into our late teenage years our interests started to diverge and it made me feel more isolated from them cause we just had different hobbies/interests.

one of my friends got really into music and playing the guitar, my other friends got interested in sports and/or video games.

meanwhile I became more interested in reading non fiction stuff about the world (at that time I liked to read about philosophy, religion, and politics) and enjoyed talking about it. Now that I look back, the main thing that made stick around with them before our friendships completely fell apart were that we all smoked weed and also I served as our friend groups empath. Pretty much if anyone in my friend group had personal issues they wanted to talk about they would talk to me about it cause I guess they felt comfortable telling me things that they wouldn't tell their other friends.

ive never even considered myself socially competent but for some reason it doesn't take long for people to get to know me before they open up to me and talk about their feelings and personal issues. It even happened to me at my job with a few of my coworkers before I quit.

I don't even know why people open up to me, I never say anything that gives them an explicit reason to trust me with personal information but they just do. Guess they're lucky though cause I respect people's privacy and have never been the gossiping type.

maybe I'm a better listener than I think and I just don't see it cause my self esteem is garbage but I really don't know.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

I spend the majority of my time feeling lonely. I guess I've just learned to accept it. In regards to feeling alone with family/friends- Yes I always do. Well, wait- wouldn't I need to have friends to feel lonely with them? I don't have friends irl. I'm pretty sure my very small family dislikes me. Or whatever the deal is, no one is fond of me. I feel unwelcome and unwanted by family & I guess most people for that matter, with exception of my cat.

 

[porfin1234]

For me it's a self fulfilling prophecy.

And I figured it out too late.

As a teen I always felt like an outsider and outcast. Yet I think the reality had been- that I have isolated myself. No one else has done it to me. By putting up walls, I kept people out.

And I still do it. Sometimes my pessimism has definitely turned people off with good reason. But a lot of it comes from self hate, thinking I don't belong and do well, cycle continues and I alienate people / push them away.

Last year I finally was cultivating friendships and people were drawn to me. Tons of new friends. Hosting parties.

Quickly ruined that.

No one wants to be around a downer.

I also think I expected too much from others or took things too personally.

 

[imagineit]

I do notice when I'm involved with clubs in college, working, and being more social in general I usually do much better mentally. It's just I'm at the point where I do see a reason to get better? Either way I'll pass away at some point and don't see a purpose in my own existence. Ultimately I just don't see a logical reason to get better when I have such a nihilistic view on life. I have heard of CBT before and have heard of how successful it can be. I do wonder if my pointless view on life is due to my mania and ever changing mood and panic. I do like your point of reflecting on the moment rather than being pessimistic!

Yes sorry it was more a thought and maybe you don't feel like you you need to do anything. I used to think about these things only so far as to try and understand my own behavior. It is not normal to completely withdraw from everything. So why do I do this? I would like to better understand. Ultimately, it does not matter to me so it is not about correction. I do think that so long as there is anything of significance to 'correct,' appropriate help should be sought where necessary. I do not meditate. I do not know about the mindfulness that people write books about. I can take a guess at what that is about. Like everything, I think It can only be as complicated as you want to make it. But if you are going to reflect on your own shit, a change of perspective can provide insight. It doesn't always have to be about correction.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Yes all the time. I pretend in front of them that I'm fine and happy.... And when I meet lots of family members I usually stay quite with a fake smile on... By the time I get alone again I'm exhausted....

 

[SanitySalvage]

I've absolutely been feeling more and more like a stranger around friends and family lately. Most especially because I feel I can't relate to them or they're in their own social circle that I don't feel a part of.

I've never really belonged anywhere, hell even in high school I wrote an essay about being a "social chameleon" who could be around different people but never fit in anywhere.

 

[mayflower]

Iy

I do notice when I'm involved with clubs in college, working, and being more social in general I usually do much better mentally. It's just I'm at the point where I do see a reason to get better? Either way I'll pass away at some point and don't see a purpose in my own existence. Ultimately I just don't see a logical reason to get better when I have such a nihilistic view on life. I have heard of CBT before and have heard of how successful it can be. I do wonder if my pointless view on life is due to my mania and ever changing mood and panic. I do like your point of reflecting on the moment rather than being pessimistic!

I can't imagine what 40 years of feeling alone feels like, I wish I could say I understand your situation. I do agree with your point of having no energy to pretend. Why act like I'm apart of the group and converse when I don't feel like anyone wants to hear me talk or want me there.

It doesn't feel great which is why I'm here and why i dont want to do another yeat like this, let alone another 40

 

[BPD Barbie]

I rarely talk with friends or family, I rarely see anyone either. My mom is visiting me tomorrow, I haven't seen her for months. I feel like nobody in my family or my friend circle really know me, they know what I want them to know and see what I want them to see, but they don't know who I really am. I distance myself from almost everyone, I feel like anyone who has met me, knows a different part of me, but nobody knows the real me. Not really.

 

[passenger27]

I rarely talk with friends or family, I rarely see anyone either. My mom is visiting me tomorrow, I haven't seen her for months. I feel like nobody in my family or my friend circle really know me, they know what I want them to know and see what I want them to see, but they don't know who I really am. I distance myself from almost everyone, I feel like anyone who has met me, knows a different part of me, but nobody knows the real me. Not really.

Well said. I feel the exact same way.

 

[reapandsow918]

Alone, in terms of they don't know the real you. They don't know how you feel, what you think or what your plans are. This feeling is incredibly difficult to overcome.

I feel like this around everyone. Nobody will ever understand you or completely agree with your state of mind especially if you are depressed/suicidal.

This forum is where I find peace.

 

[Phinleh]

Always. I've gone through great effort to hide who I really am because they all think I "got over" depression and don't want them to worry but depression is most of my personality. Growing up, it set down roots and took up the slot where a personality is supposed to go.

I always feel alone because of this. I can be surrounded by people who say they love me but do they love me or the mask I'm wearing?

 

[AlreadyGone]

I rarely talk with friends or family, I rarely see anyone either. My mom is visiting me tomorrow, I haven't seen her for months. I feel like nobody in my family or my friend circle really know me, they know what I want them to know and see what I want them to see, but they don't know who I really am. I distance myself from almost everyone, I feel like anyone who has met me, knows a different part of me, but nobody knows the real me. Not really.

I totally agree. I have pretty much distanced myself from all family and friends. So it is not as if they are strangers, but when I do see them, I have to put on a happy face. I distance myself from them to avoid having to do that.