Venting Do you envy those who are finally free from this horrible world?

[FuneralCry]

I certainly do, in fact they are the only people that I envy, those who no longer exist certainly are so fortunate as now they are unable to suffer, nothing can concern them and they have no problems, they are free from what the ultimate problem is which is existence in itself. Nobody who is trapped here enduring this process of slowly dying, destined to decay and suffer could never be fortunate to me, as I see existence as being a curse, existence is completely unnecessary anyway and I could never wish to be burdened with existence. There's no value in such a thing especially as there's unlimited potential to suffer, existence is so harmful and filled with endless risks so the only thing that appeals to me is the thought of peacefully not existing for all eternity.

And I really admire those who managed to ctb and the courage they had to free themselves from all suffering, I envy those who managed to overcome all the difficulties involved in leaving this world, I see beauty in the thought of preventing potentially decades of being tormented by existence just to die and forget everything anyway. I very strongly believe that we just cease existing after this which is of course why I envy those who leave. But no matter what never existing at all will always be the most ideal possibility, the fact that this existence even happened in the first place is tragic.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I do. I don't campaign for ctb. Everyone's story in this experience is different from mine. I'm doing this because it's best for me. Therefore, anyone who's successfully defeated the SI is a hero to me. Not a quitter. Not a coward. A flat-out hero. In my mind, not all suicides are mentally ill nor disordered. Also, I think ctb is one of the highest forms of self-affirmation a human can express. Everyone puts their own value on life, and I've given it mine. To me, it's not worth continuing. Others see value and virtue in persevering through life. More power to them. Anyone who has managed to put their foot down with life is a hero and has earned their eternal being... in my mind.

I hope I succeed like them.

 

[Zaphkiel]

Let me be honest here : I do not.

On the other hand, I DO envy people that have the resolve to make their choice for them in the eternal dilemma of living (enduring or hoping) or ending it (and braving the unknown).

That is, when you have the luxury of choice, wich is a delicate subject for you and I'm sorry you are forced to endure.

 

[vulkann]

life is so cruel.

i really do wish i could find a peaceful way out.

 

[Deleted User#81194]

A bit but at the same time I'm terrified of the unknown, do we really cease to exist (nothingness) once we die or is there something else? Is there a hell? a heaven? reincarnation? who really knows, (these are all just irrational babblings of a paranoid person).

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I envy those who enjoy their time here and never feel compelled to curse their birth.

 

[Prime0]

Absolutely yes, I've been suicidal since my 12 years old, I know what kind of a corrupted unfair cruel world we live in, that it's usually the most disgusting people who procreate the most and I can't exit here peacefully.

I wish I would never wake up from my sleep but that's probably never going to happen so I'm gonna either suffer or have to actively kill myself which sucks, I wish I never came here or even, that existence itself never happened in the first place, it only creates unecessary suffering for no good reason and people like me who had no say in this cruel evolutionary process live the consequences in this flesh prison.

There're too much problems here, but for me, existence is the problem.
No matter how much I try to chase things that I love, always but always bad shits happen and I have no control over anything happening in this shithole, it's impossible for me to live completely hedonistically (which, if it was the case, nowhere near would I envy those who suicided peacefully), not to mention the corrupted worthless society we live in.

Therapists can't solve a thing when existence itself is the problem, the way both nature and society are structured...

The only thing that comforts me is knowing one day I'm gonna die no matter what, but the suffering I've endured meanwhile? And there's a huge chance that my death isn't gonna be very peaceful. So yes, those who somehow managed to kill themselves peacefully are very lucky, not only they palpaby ended their past sufferings, they've also prevented themselves from experiencing other sufferings in the future and didn't suffer while dying.

 

[inmyhead]

I do feel envious of those who have successfully gone. I am looking forward to the day when my suffering ends and knowing people have already made it makes me jealous. There are two people in my small town who hanged themselves in the last year and I have a couple of suicidal friends, we all said in our little group that we were jealous they made it to the other side. I don't think it's wrong to feel like that, quite normal if you're suicidal.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

In some ways, but I'm more envious of people who are living and are free of mental illness. I would've at least liked the opportunity to have a decent go at life, with a normal and healthy mind.

I'm absolutely ashamed of what became of me, even if it was likely unavoidable.

 

[NoOneLovesMiMi]

Everyday
I get jealous
They had the courage to say fuck it
I'm done
But I'm more jealous of people who are taken away
Some freak accident
A active shooter
Kilked by a lover
They didn't even see it coming
They are loved and missed
But they are free and no judgment because as far as we know
They died by the hands of another

 

[LastBusHome]

I don't. If anything, it breaks my heart knowing someone went through with it. I can empathize and commiserate on the basis that we were both suffering to a degree that made suicide a toothsome alternative to living.

 

[DeathSleep]

Yes, I envy them. Particularly the ones who went peacefully. I feel trapped.

 

[itsoverforme]

I've had a person close to me CTB, and I sometimes find myself envying him though I don't want to disrespect him. My family views his actions as pitiful and cowardly but I view it as the opposite. I wish at times I had the courage to do the same.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes- if they wanted to die. No- if they didn't.

I guess even people who didn't necessarily want to die- I feel a sense of relief for them- that life can't hurt them now. Still- some people are very sad to die- despite having difficulties in life. If they were afraid to die and desperately wanted to live- I pitty them.

I just get so angry at how this life was designed- that death should be a part of it. That we were given sentience to realise what death is. Not to say I wish death wasn't a part of life- it would be even more unbearable without an end. More that I wish sentient life hadn't come about in the first place- certainly not for me anyhow!

Am I envious my Mum died at 40? I mean- I wish I had- yes. But for her- no. She didn't want to die- despite being in pain. I'm pro-choice- so- I also respect other people's wishes to live.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I don't really envy them as such, but I do admire their courage greatly.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I envy the courage one must have to overcome everything to reach the other side. And certainly, even if there is really nothing left it needs courage to do the final step.

 

[hellispink]

i admire them for their courage thats for sure.

 

[Robineas]

A friend of mine passed away peacefully a few months ago. I envy him so much. My ideal death would be to drink N/SN, listen to some music and just drift away for good.