Not sure what you mean, but I assume you mean asking yourself whether you should CTB or not? If that is my understanding then yes, I do sometimes have dialogue with myself about whether I am going to continue living or not. I had this dialogue with myself throughout most of my life at various points in time. Recently, I just had a dialogue with myself, if things goes well in the Fall (October to be precise) then I have hope to continue living, but if things sour, then it is likely I'll be gone by end of this year.