Discussion Do you blame anyone for you wanting to CTB?

[guineapiglover8503]

if so, why?

for me, I blame my friends who turned on me and bullied me and also birch and robin who were friends who tried to manipulate me

 

[SixNeufUn]

My parents first. But mainly myself . I am just too weird

 

[cohomology]

Everyone who humiliated and bullied me throughout life definitely contributed to it, but ultimately I blame my own genes.

 

[moody_cupcakes]

I blame myself for not being able to let go of my trauma to make me a better person

 

[guineapiglover8503]

The culture in schools where bullying isn't as socially repulsive as it should be is so frustrating. I wish that bullying in schools was less socially acceptable by those higher up in the social hierarchy than it is

 

[cohomology]

The culture in schools where bullying isn't as socially repulsive as it should be is so frustrating. I wish that bullying in schools was less socially acceptable by those higher up in the social hierarchy than it is

Agreed. In my school teachers would find bullying funny.

 

[everydaythesame]

My parents for the emotional and physical abuse. No happy memories at all. I have children of my own and they cant even remember their names! Useless.

 

[Lost Magic]

I blame mankind for encouraging people to have kids. The world is over-populated and its really tough to compete in a largely uncaring self-serving neoliberal society.

 

[Ineedthis18743]

My parents (mainly my Mother). Myself for keeping quiet and suffering in silence all those years and myself again for not seeking help and not trying harder as I got older. Not realising truly what I had till it was too late.

 

[vampire2002]

i tend to have a hard time letting go of grudges, and at different points in my life would blame a lot of different people for my desire to ctb. even now, i feel resentment towards so many people. but i will always feel completely justified saying that my p3d0 stepdad from when i was a kid. what he did to me is probably largely responsible for my mental illnesses and how i've turned out all these years later.
i've never told anyone irl that he did it to me, but if i do ctb i will write a note and tell everyone. although my dream is to outlive him long enough to attend his funeral and ruin it, i doubt i will at this current moment.

 

[GalacticWarrior777]

Holyyyy shit. I guess I'll share a little bit of it, but once I CTB, I'll release a full on document publicly that is basically somewhat of my autobiography or whatever.

I blame:

• My parents - Never have I ever been given love that a child should get from their parent. Besides that, after multiple trauamtic events, such as my friend dying in a car crash when I was only 11, finding out that my brother has a brain tumor when I was only 6 or 7, seeing him with my eyes have a literal epilepsy attack, my uncles death, I have got no support or professional help whatsoever. YES, I was left without any support or professional help after so many traumatic events at such a young age. They were also abusive as fuck, threatened me to take away my freedom (Which they partially actually did, as they made me fear them to the point where I can't even comfortably look them in the eyes or speak to them), manipulated me and literally ghosted me 99% of the time. They put their lives, problems and shit over their childs, to the point where they completly forget about the child.
• My old best friend - I blame her for manipulating me and lying to me for so long, where I've literally grown such hatred against people that I had the intent to kill multiple people already. She was supportive, but in a manipulative manner; She could fake the support, but with her great manipulative skills, make it look as realistic as possible, and especially I, a mentally ill and unstable person, was able to fall for her tricks all the time. I'm still planning to meet with her before my CTB, mainly to tell her about the CTB, because no matter how much I hate her, I've clearly told her that she's a manipulator, and she knows it very well. I know it, she knows it, and I understand that she cannot change the way she is in a matter of couple months, where she's been manipulative her entire life.
• And a lot of other people that there's just too many to mention, but they have all done very bad stuff.

Well, that's possibly all I can share as of right now. Don't feel like writing anymore, as I know that once my CTB date comes, I'll publish the document anyways. There's a shit ton of more reasons that are not even in the document, and will stay with me forever and ever. I believe we all have our own reasons to CTB, and that in most cases, it's partially also because of some people.

I wish you all peace and well deserved rest.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Initially- yes. Growing up with someone I believe was and still is a narcissist first made me suicidal. I can't say my motives have much to do with them now but, I suppose they set me on the path. I feel like- once you've seriously considered it, it's always going to be there. Plus, stuff that happens in childhood tends to form who we become. I do think I'd be an entirely different person without that period in my life. Not to say it was a picnic for them either- to be fair. I'm sure they would much rather have not grown up with me either.

Now though, it's really more about me not feeling able to create a life I feel is worthwhile. Maybe in part because of what I'm carrying with me but, who knows? We don't get to see other versions of ourselves. Maybe I would have ended up just as miserable regardless! I think people who want to be creative in this world struggle enormously anyway because the creative industries are dwindling.

 

[FuneralCry]

The fact that I want to die is as a result of existence, I'd never wish to suffer in this painful, torturous existence where there is all this endless cruelty, what I ultimately have a problem with is existence itself, I see it as so burdensome to be conscious and aware capable of suffering to unlimited amounts. Personally I'd only ever wish to not exist, I only hope to never suffer in this existence ever again, I truly was never meant for the pain of existing and it terrifies me how a human can exist for so long just to be tortured and tormented by old age, I only hope for death, I'm always so tired of suffering.

 

[puppuppuplowonluck]

Hard to really decide who I blame in specific, really its multiple people, myself, family members, people I've met throughout my life that have harmed me in excruciating ways.
I don't see it as revenge (despite what may be the general consensus) instead I view it as me freeing myself, walking away from a situation

 

[swankysoup]

I was bullied which ruined my development and chances at living a normal life. So it's pretty clear.

 

[pariah80]

It's a mixed bag. I blame whatever created this and my experiences. I blame the fact that I was born to abusive parents. I blame the fact that I am labeled autistic in a world that cannot deal with another human who doesn't share into the given hive mind of society. I blame the relentless abuse of my mother, the negligence of my father, and ostracization of groups of people. I blame humanity's fear and unacceptance of anyone different from what they've been conditioned to see as 'normal' or 'good.' I blame the inherent inequities of life as being seen as 'good.' I blame the fact that life seems heavily tilted against me, in general. That all my troubles and suffering seem to be deliberate and personal. I'm probably the only one who would view that as such. However, too many things have happened in such a way that I cannot dismiss them as 'random' or 'coincidence.' The majority of the bad things that have happened to me seem to have a "Truman Show" kind of feel to them. They were way too deliberate and concentrated.

I blame life. Therefore, I don't see life as being something to be 'worthy' of. I don't see myself has being 'less than' for not acclimating to a sick hellscape. I don't see being blessed in hell as a way I should want to live. I'm happy I came to this consciousness. In catching the bus, I hope that I'm taking back my light and power from something that tried to destroy them or sap them out of me. CTB is saving myself while there's still something left to save.

 

[wren-briar]

To the extent that I've seen CTB as a logical -and desirable- alternative to a natural death or an accidental did ath, no, I don't blame anyone.

However, the reason that I specifically want to CTB now, that's 100% due to supposed MH "professionals" systemically gaslighting me and their "treatments" making things worse, exponentially so, with each new round of gaslighting and supposed "treatment", until I finally sought exclusively unbiased medical care (that -had it actually been provided- would have given me a reason to keep living) and instead, I was outright denied that and I was imprisoned for my firmly held moral beliefs about suicide.

Full and detailed account available at https://wrenbriar.gitlab.io/

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I could blame my dad for many of my issues but that's really cliche so I just blame myself. I'm more to blame for my own failings anyway since I don't do anything about them.

 

[depthss]

i think the only person i can really blame is myself. ive had a normal upbringing, and nobody is doing anything to hurt me right now. i think the way i feel, and the things i do to myself, it just has to do with the way i was born

 

[ramon]

Many people hurt me into CTB.

However, I also brought my present hopeless situation upon myself.

 

[Dionysus]

mainly me, I fucked my own life. My parents and other abusers contributed, but it's mainly me.

 

[WallowingWillow]

I blame myself for being incapable of regulating my emotions. Sure people have been assholes in my life, but if I could handle things better I wouldn't be in the position where I feel like self-inflicted death is the only resolution.

 

[bridgegirl]

Yes, I do. Although it's complex, since I've been suicidal for years - but yes. Other people have compounded the issue.

 

[LunarLight]

No, there is no one to blame except my sick, twisted brain.

 

[affirmatice]

Complicated- the physical issues I face were easily preventable had a few key people in my life been a bit more attentive, a bit more proactive.

At the same time, I may have made some mistakes, but I was also a kid.

I blame them in the sense that I'm always asking myself why didn't they do more. Why didn't they be a little more careful. At the same time I understand that it wasn't malicious on their part. I feel all sorts of deep anger, regret, frustration, all sorts of emotions

 

[EmptyCurtainCall]

some adults that have been in my life , and being exposed to social media even tho that's not a particular person , and one of my exs kind of

 

[divinemistress36]

I blame doctors

 

[cryone]

not an exact person, but a culmination of mistreatment & neglect aswell as society and the culture we've created. if I don't work my ass off I'll be shunned by literally everyone ik, esp family.