Do you bargain or even plead with yourself these days?

[FallFadesIntoWinter]

I found myself the other day planning out how I'd hit up 10 different corner stores to buy two scratch-off lottery tickets at each one (they're $4 each) and see if, somehow threw fate or luck, I could win something to buy myself more time.

I realize now I'm just bargaining with myself and the universe, call it a hail mary if you will. I haven't hit the pleading part yet, I'm not sure if I will but I accept everything that's happened to me, even if I don't like it.

My chances are super-slim as well with these scratch-off tickets but I thought "what the fuck, why not try?" and see if something really does happen due to fate. I'm not thinking I'll win but, sometimes as a nice distraction, it's good to slip away and think about having some new money to try and make my life better. Not as in spending it on frivolous things either, more like maybe going back to school and becoming a therapist to help others who feel just like me right now.

I think once I get these tickets and see what happens, then I'll absolutely accept my fate at that point, although I kinda already know the odds in which things will happen.

 

[myownpetvirus]

It sounds like you have some nice dreams and goals. What is preventing you from pursuing being a therapist?

 

[makethepainstop]

I found myself the other day planning out how I'd hit up 10 different corner stores to buy two scratch-off lottery tickets at each one (they're $4 each) and see if, somehow threw fate or luck, I could win something to buy myself more time.

I realize now I'm just bargaining with myself and the universe, call it a hail mary if you will. I haven't hit the pleading part yet, I'm not sure if I will but I accept everything that's happened to me, even if I don't like it.

My chances are super-slim as well with these scratch-off tickets but I thought "what the fuck, why not try?" and see if something really does happen due to fate. I'm not thinking I'll win but, sometimes as a nice distraction, it's good to slip away and think about having some new money to try and make my life better. Not as in spending it on frivolous things either, more like maybe going back to school and becoming a therapist to help others who feel just like me right now.

I think once I get these tickets and see what happens, then I'll absolutely accept my fate at that point, although I kinda already know the odds in which things will happen.

Tried that to the tune of $300 thinking if God wants me to stay he will give me some money. He didn't, so I'm going to take that as a sign to go ahead and ctb.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do EXACTLY this. Just like @makethepainstop said- I feel like- if there is a God- then they know how desperate I am. I try and strike a bargain with them- let me win this and I'll hang on. I can only think they have more important things to deal with, they want me to suffer or- they don't exist.

I'm sorry. I've got my fingers crossed for you anyhow.

 

[Huntfish34]

Alll the damn time, bargaining And pleading. I am absolutely fucked... FML.

 

[FallFadesIntoWinter]

It sounds like you have some nice dreams and goals. What is preventing you from pursuing being a therapist?

Money... plain and simple. I'd need, most likely, about $150,000 to achieve this and I don't have any resources to obtain it.

I do EXACTLY this. Just like @makethepainstop said- I feel like- if there is a God- then they know how desperate I am. I try and strike a bargain with them- let me win this and I'll hang on. I can only think they have more important things to deal with, they want me to suffer or- they don't exist.

I'm sorry. I've got my fingers crossed for you anyhow.

Thanks... I'm def not a gambler at all and it's a loooooooooong shot for sure but, hey, at least I can say I tried everything, right?

Tried that to the tune of $300 thinking if God wants me to stay he will give me some money. He didn't, so I'm going to take that as a sign to go ahead and ctb.

I'm sorry too for you, money is def a good resource to have to get help and try to overcome things in your life for sure.

 

[myownpetvirus]

Money... plain and simple. I'd need, most likely, about $150,000 to achieve this and I don't have any resources to obtain it.

Thanks... I'm def not a gambler at all and it's a loooooooooong shot for sure but, hey, at least I can say I tried everything, right?

I'm sorry too for you, money is def a good resource to have to get help and try to overcome things in your life for sure.

Have you looked into financial aid? If you're low income you may qualify for free grants

 

[FallFadesIntoWinter]

Have you looked into financial aid? If you're low income you may qualify for free grants

I have and, yeah, I don't qualify at all, which is just the reality for lots of people.

 

[myownpetvirus]

I have and, yeah, I don't qualify at all, which is just the reality for lots of people.

You could get like a chemical dependency counselor degree etc. it sounds like you have some hope. I would sit on this decision a bit more

 

[Wannagonow]

No. Don't bargain or plead. Nothing to bargain with and pleading would just fall on deaf ears. Sorry I don't have anything positive to pass along. I do think that a few people posting here had some good solid suggestions for you. I hope you give one a try. Peace.

 

[wait.what]

I've been known to play weird mind games with myself…like thinking "If I make this next green light it's a sign not to kms." I think it's sort of a way to avoid taking ultimate responsibility for a terrifying decision. Like, "Oh, I now have permission from 'the universe' to off myself, so I don't have to fret about people I'm leaving behind." It's nonsense, obviously.

 

[FallFadesIntoWinter]

You could get like a chemical dependency counselor degree etc. it sounds like you have some hope. I would sit on this decision a bit more

That would be fantastic to get... I'd def want to be able to get as many certifications in therapy as possible too, I know I could help people after all the things I've gone through in my life.

I've been known to play weird mind games with myself…like thinking "If I make this next green light it's a sign not to kms." I think it's sort of a way to avoid taking ultimate responsibility for a terrifying decision. Like, "Oh, I now have permission from 'the universe' to off myself, so I don't have to fret about people I'm leaving behind." It's nonsense, obviously.

I totally get that too, I really do