Do you also feel like you're not human?

[lnlybnny]

The general human experience seems like a movie I can't take part in. I just watch it from outside like I'm inside a bubble, in my own little world where very few things matter, like my favorite artists. In this world I only care about these things which don't matter that much to the average person. I seem to value things that aren't that valuable to them. I don't share their ambitions, in fact that's one of the reasons I need to ctb: I never had a job and I'm about to turn 30. I'm just so unmotivated to be a ''functioning member of society''. However, this has to change very soon since the people who support me are, understandably, fed up with me.

It's kinda sad because I'm not like some people here who think life is just dreadful. As I stated above, I do see beauty in very few things, but unfortunately I lost my way in some part of the journey and I can't find it anymore, or maybe I never did find myself. But anyway, the point is: I don't feel human.

I think I'd perhaps be much better if I was a cat. I think I have the personality of a cat. I just love to sleep and take naps, it's my favorite hobby besides engaging with my favorite artists.

 

[avalokitesvara]

This describes the way I feel very well. I'm just lacking something most other people seem to have without even realising they have it.
My ideal form would be an angel. I want to witness life happening but not have to be involved. I want to hover over earth and watch the humans and nature from a distance, and have no real self existence of my own. And an angel would gave the ability to choose when to leave and rejoin universal consciousness whenever they wanted to.

 

[Nitheful]

I feel this way all the time. I am actually in a similar situation to you. My parents fucked me up in my childhood, gave me no support or guidance yet now that I'm older, they hold it against me that I'm not a functional member of society. I can tell they secretly wish I was dead. I used to want to hold on to life in hopes it would eventually get better but now I don't even feel particularly sad about suicide, I just want to end this. God, it's awful waking up every day realizing how the ones who should care for you detest your very existence. Well, they won't have to bare me much longer, that's for sure.

 

[KillingPain267]

Yes, I'm a (sad) teddy bear, and therefore not human.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, I feel like I'm not human. I always say to somebody here that I feel like an alien just because of how far I am from being a human. Many people enjoy life and have goals, ambitions, dreams etc but I never had any of these things and it's so bizarre to me at how people have things which are so normal and common to where they think everybody else has that same thing. Obviously there's differences between people but there's also a lot of commonality, none of which I share with people.

I even feel like an alien when compared to people on here due to how I approach suicidality and death. A lot of people here think that death is a bad thing and that they want to die because they deserve a bad thing such as death but I've always thought that death is a good thing and that I deserve it because I deserve the absence of suffering. A lot of people here even seem to hate themselves and I don't hate myself. I hate existence itself which, again, isn't something that most people here do.

This is why I wished that I could be friends with a clone of me as, at this point what it takes for somebody to fully understand me is for them to be a clone of me

 

[CTB Dream]

me no human me injury damage

 

[lnlybnny]

Yes, I feel like I'm not human. I always say to somebody here that I feel like an alien just because of how far I am from being a human. Many people enjoy life and have goals, ambitions, dreams etc but I never had any of these things and it's so bizarre to me at how people have things which are so normal and common to where they think everybody else has that same thing. Obviously there's differences between people but there's also a lot of commonality, none of which I share with people.

I even feel like an alien when compared to people on here due to how I approach suicidality and death. A lot of people here think that death is a bad thing and that they want to die because they deserve a bad thing such as death but I've always thought that death is a good thing and that I deserve it because I deserve the absence of suffering. A lot of people here even seem to hate themselves and I don't hate myself. I hate existence itself which, again, isn't something that most people here do.

This is why I wished that I could be friends with a clone of me as, at this point what it takes for somebody to fully understand me is for them to be a clone of me

I feel like an alien too. I think I'm an alien trapped inside a human body

 

[divinemistress36]

Ya I think the stork accidently dropped me off here. I dont understand this world at all

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

I just feel like a dysfunctional human, a failed prototype that should have never existed to begin with.

 

[CantDoIt]

Yeah, I feel like if there is a greater power I was chosen as someone to suffer more. Basically, there's just a very specific combination of factors which make me hate my life and realize that I couldn't have -anything- good that would have mattered to me and there must be a reason.

I don't have money, belongings, career success, relationship success, or looks lmao

 

[sapphoslastpoem]

Yeah I definitely feel pretty alien. I've always been excluded in every aspect of my life and it started in my childhood. People have always clocked me for being something other than normal.

 

[lnlybnny]

I feel this way all the time. I am actually in a similar situation to you. My parents fucked me up in my childhood, gave me no support or guidance yet now that I'm older, they hold it against me that I'm not a functional member of society. I can tell they secretly wish I was dead. I used to want to hold on to life in hopes it would eventually get better but now I don't even feel particularly sad about suicide, I just want to end this. God, it's awful waking up every day realizing how the ones who should care for you detest your very existence. Well, they won't have to bare me much longer, that's for sure.

Yeah they hold me accountable too. I feel guilty thinking maybe they're right and I'm just a lazyass broken human. I also think they wish I was never born and that they'd be relieved when I ctb.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I haven't read No Longer Human but maybe I should before I ctb. Author killed himself in his late 30s. The spiritual self-destruction seems similar to mine, just more articulate.

 

[lnlybnny]

I haven't read No Longer Human but maybe I should before I ctb. Author killed himself in his late 30s. The spiritual self-destruction seems similar to mine, just more articulate.

I'm currently reading this book haha

 

[LostLily]

Feel hollow and like I'm on autopilots as I drift aimlessly through life.

 

[HarryCobean]

I feel human. I'm not convinced all those other people are though.

 

[Anhaedra]

Not only do I not feel human, I also dont look human. Body dysmorphia robbed me off my happiness in life. Im just an ugly animal full of fears and anxieties. Im almost 25 and I never got a job, dont know if ill ever will. I understand you being so unmotivated to be a "functional member of society" its just an absurd cycle society forces us into. What's the point? Is there a meaning to all this? These are questions I kept asking myself for years, and naturally, there was no answer.

With that being said, I don't think you should give up trying to live. This might be too optimistic for this kind of forum, but I'd like to tell you about my recently new perspective on life. First of all, I stopped searching for the meaning of life, you just wont find it. Some say that if life has no meaning, we can create our own meaning to it. But doesn't that feel like a cope. If there is no inherit meaning to life, how can I assign it one? You just can't. The key is to just let go off your need for meaning. Once you've done that, you can just enjoy life as it goes in the present moment.

There is sort of an animalistic instinct that guides us. It tells us our needs, passion, purpose. You just have to listen to it. You can live your own life as you like away from societal norms (to some degree). You dont need someone, or a job, or any other external factors for you to be happy, you'll find it all inside you.

 

[Tombs_in_your_eyes]

The more things go wrong in my life, the less I feel that other people perceive me as 'one of them'. Especially other young (20-40ish) adults. The pity in their eyes as I lose too much too young: family, physical health, vitality. As I remain single and childless (not that those things should matter of course).

I'm perceived less and less as a young adult and more and more as some kind of living, breathing reminder of how badly life can go for a small minority. A walking bad luck charm.

 

[Unknown21]

No longer human.

 

[Wanting yet Unable]

I feel like I'm barely a person. It feels like I was born without an inner drive and the ability to do things. I want to do things but I just don't. I'm incredibly stressed by this. I do not enjoy doing nothing. You would think this stress and panic I feel about being idle would propel me into doing stuff but no. There have been periods where I somehow manage to start personal projects but it never lasts and it takes me twice to three times as long for me to do what normal people can do easily. I am so slow and incompetent at everything. I have given up even trying to start things now. I just kind of exist, taking up space and doing nothing.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think I'm a maladapted human. I've taken on coping mechanisms that probably didn't benefit me in the long-term in order to cope with being human and what was expected of me. Certain things I complied with- getting a job, moving out, living independently. Other things I found too difficult and found ways of shunning- being social (I know people will argue that being on here is social- maybe that's a fair point.) I don't think I've left the house (asides from putting the bins out) since January. I don't think it's 'normal' for a person to be able to handle living like that.

 

[lacustra]

I'm sure I'll become a cautionary tale when I'm dead.

 

[isolatedl111]

The general human experience seems like a movie I can't take part in. I just watch it from outside like I'm inside a bubble, in my own little world where very few things matter, like my favorite artists. In this world I only care about these things which don't matter that much to the average person. I seem to value things that aren't that valuable to them. I don't share their ambitions, in fact that's one of the reasons I need to ctb: I never had a job and I'm about to turn 30. I'm just so unmotivated to be a ''functioning member of society''. However, this has to change very soon since the people who support me are, understandably, fed up with me.

It's kinda sad because I'm not like some people here who think life is just dreadful. As I stated above, I do see beauty in very few things, but unfortunately I lost my way in some part of the journey and I can't find it anymore, or maybe I never did find myself. But anyway, the point is: I don't feel human.

I think I'd perhaps be much better if I was a cat. I think I have the personality of a cat. I just love to sleep and take naps, it's my favorite hobby besides engaging with my favorite artists.

I'm not human

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I either feel not human or sometimes I feel like a hideous amalgamation of all the worst traits of humanity manifested into one shitty entity.

 

[lnlybnny]

I feel like I'm barely a person. It feels like I was born without an inner drive and the ability to do things. I want to do things but I just don't. I'm incredibly stressed by this. I do not enjoy doing nothing. You would think this stress and panic I feel about being idle would propel me into doing stuff but no. There have been periods where I somehow manage to start personal projects but it never lasts and it takes me twice to three times as long for me to do what normal people can do easily. I am so slow and incompetent at everything. I have given up even trying to start things now. I just kind of exist, taking up space and doing nothing.

I feel exactly like this. When i try to change and do basic things i always relapse into my old ways. So I don't think there's any point to it anymore. I see other people thriving and doing their best efforts and i think I'm not made of the same stuff they are. I truly feel isolated by my own nature and I can't fit in

 

[bloodmania]

i sometimes feel as if im some kind of supernatural being like an angel or a ghost. i dont look human, when i look in the mirror i dont see flesh and blood but i see plastic and machinery like im a robot pretending to be human. i rarely have urges for human needs like food. my therapists think i have an eating disorder or autism or schizophrenia so maybe im just a human with mental health issues but it doesnt feel like that

 

[vercabow]

this 100% applies to me. most of the time i can't feel anything and it just feels as if life is happening to me instead of me experiencing it. there are brief pockets of contrast but more or less everything is black and white. shit at this point idk if i even want to ctb, can't even feel the urge to do so even if it makes the most logical sense.

 

[VaporSelf]

I'm some sort of entity that is aware of existence.

 

[willow115]

YES my life experiences have been so extreme that I have exited humanity. I just fill a strange void where nobody should ever be in. My consciousness, body and soul is less than most "humans".

 

[brokeandbroken]

I absolutely believe i am human. Though according to the way I've been treated i think it could be argued many view me as subhuman. Removed from society through no fault of my own. Someone to be mocked and ridiculed .

The general human experience seems like a movie I can't take part in. I just watch it from outside like I'm inside a bubble, in my own little world where very few things matter, like my favorite artists. In this world I only care about these things which don't matter that much to the average person. I seem to value things that aren't that valuable to them. I don't share their ambitions, in fact that's one of the reasons I need to ctb: I never had a job and I'm about to turn 30. I'm just so unmotivated to be a ''functioning member of society''. However, this has to change very soon since the people who support me are, understandably, fed up with me.

It's kinda sad because I'm not like some people here who think life is just dreadful. As I stated above, I do see beauty in very few things, but unfortunately I lost my way in some part of the journey and I can't find it anymore, or maybe I never did find myself. But anyway, the point is: I don't feel human.

I think I'd perhaps be much better if I was a cat. I think I have the personality of a cat. I just love to sleep and take naps, it's my favorite hobby besides engaging with my favorite artists.