Do you also feel like you are broken beyond repair?

[noname223]

I still see people rooting for me in this forum. My two closest friends stay loyal at my side with no consideration to leave me. But this soldier is losing the fight. And it is obvious. I am so sorry to let everyone down. The walls are closing in. And there is nothing I can do about it.

 

[samicitchka]

I feel for you. Been feeling the same way. I just had therapy today and was talking about this very thing. I'm tired.

 

[devils~advocate]

Im the same.....Ive been thinking about this for 20 years now. Since 2004.
Things have gotten bad enough mentally that it is time to act.

 

[cmb2317]

I still see people rooting for me in this forum. My two closest friends stay loyal at my side with no consideration to leave me. But this soldier is losing the fight. And it is obvious. I am so sorry to let everyone down. The walls are closing in. And there is nothing I can do about it.

im feeling the sane way, for the last 48 hours iv been trying to plan the best most painkess way

 

[deadstillwalking]

nothing has ever changed, throughout all these years. A dream told me that, it summarized everything I needed to know. I already gave up on leading a normal life

 

[Kitsunekia90]

my parents keep saying "get help" after having been to 5 psychologists/psychotherapists 3 psychiatrists and also having been hospitalized for 45 days. But I no longer want to live, we are talking about stimuli at 34 years old I have nothing, I feel alone, I can't take care of myself. I am perpetually tired, I cry almost every day... can you tell me what to do? I'm going crazy

 

[OldManOfTheLake]

I will be if I stay in the country I am currently residing in.

I would rather CTB before my suffering gets to that level. Gotta quit while ahead.

 

[lawlietsph]

Yes... Been to therapy and took antidepressants. Both helped temporarily, but... I feel like no matter what, the core problem is still there. Me, how I fucking hate myself and how nobody ever loved me and never will. I am just unlovable and stupid, ugly, worthless and there's not a single soul on this planet who can convince me otherwise. Society is also broken beyond repair and I don't want to live in a world like this
I am so sorry. Life became unbearable for us

 

[LostLily]

Been through multiple therapist and medications and nothing is working

 

[SoulCage]

I think I read most of your posts and I can feel your pain so much. Your stories make it clear that it's just too hard to give it another try (for recovery). If someone has failed so many times, why keep suffering? Isn't it obvious that it's beyond repair?

I am saying these words to not convince you of anything, but to give you more to think about. I am in the same position and it's just too hard to motivate myself to continue life when there have been so many unsuccessful tries. The memories create so much hopelessness. It's hard to think that it will ever improve.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

It's a bit more complicated than that in my case. I've been told by multiple doctors that I will probably never be able to overcome my suicidal feelings.

 

[blacksand]

Yes.

 

[panda55]

I truly believe some of us were not meant for this world. As someone with ADHD, I've tried to pretend all through life all the while knowing the things everyone else finds important I don't. Have tried everything to "fix" me from medication to therapy. So it's just been a slow burn to later adulthood.

 

[Hollowman]

Yup

 

[swankysoup]

my parents keep saying "get help" after having been to 5 psychologists/psychotherapists 3 psychiatrists and also having been hospitalized for 45 days. But I no longer want to live, we are talking about stimuli at 34 years old I have nothing, I feel alone, I can't take care of myself. I am perpetually tired, I cry almost every day... can you tell me what to do? I'm going crazy

Yes the good old keep getting help forever and if it doesn't work it's your fault.

 

[Wanting yet Unable]

Yes. I just don't think I'm compatible with this world. So many things wrong with me. Mentally and physically. I see no possible solutions to the specifics of my situation.

 

[Surai]

Im fucked in every which way. Its over, time to prepare and slowly work on removing myself

 

[J&L383]

Im the same.....Ive been thinking about this for 20 years now. Since 2004.
Things have gotten bad enough mentally that it is time to act.

20 years for me, too.

 

[itwasallascream]

I still see people rooting for me in this forum. My two closest friends stay loyal at my side with no consideration to leave me. But this soldier is losing the fight. And it is obvious. I am so sorry to let everyone down. The walls are closing in. And there is nothing I can do about it.

No need to feel sorry..we're all doing our best in a very very very very fucked up world..tbh I feel like we're the privileged ones and know the truth of what is happening and we face it. Everyone else is just masking everything and ignoring all the shit in this ridiculous rock that is floating around a big ball of burning gas. It's all so ridiculous and I don't get why everyone isn't on this forum.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm broken but in a way that could probably easily be fixed if I wasn't so incompetent and lazy and fearful all the time. Maybe the repair process would still be incredibly tedious and drawn-out though so it probably still isn't even worth fixing me.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, absolutely. A lot of my issues stem from my autism and overall philosophical hatred of life, none of which can be changed. I also don't really consider me being able to function enough in life as a "repair" per se as I'd still be suffering. I think that only death can repair my issues and solve every single one of my problems

 

[Forever Sleep]

Partly but I also wonder if this world is worth getting 'fixed' for! Let's say I get over my social anxiety and confidence issues. I land my ideal job. I've heard from the horses mouth (people who've climbed that far to the top) that people are exploited terribly at that level. 16 hour days, uncomfortable working conditions, job insecurity, managers who just treat their staff like cattle. That doesn't sound fun!

Or- I get a social life and a partner. Who's to say either will last? Failed/ abandoned friendships hurt like hell. Not sure I even want to risk going through that again! I'm not convinced I can entirely turn things around and even if I did, I'm not convinced it's worth the effort. It hasn't been in the past.

 

[Trav1989]

Yes, I most certainly do feel broken beyond repair. The messed up part is that I'm not even sad or angry about it, I'm just done. I've given things a year to absolutely no avail whatsoever despite my quality of life improving significantly in the process. I truly do not believe that anything this existence provides will remedy this and I'm wise enough to know that is the case whether I ignore reality or not. I could live in a multi-million dollar mansion with my wife on an island with a yacht and take regular vacations to anywhere in the world at any given time and I'd still be miserable, it would be nothing more than bandaging a bullet wound at this point and I've quintessentially "had it" by this point. I have a beautiful wife who is younger than me, our financial outlook is currently looking very good, our sex life is phenomenal, our debts are vanishing before our eyes, everything is markedly improving but I am not even though I usually ignore my sadness in regards to living in this flesh suit and everything pertaining to such.

Not even a miracle could convince me that being on this planet any longer would be a good idea and yet here I still am, my SN on hand and me considering whether I should just ingest it or not but with me inevitably choosing to "wait and see" because I just lack the push necessary to take the plunge and instead have resigned myself to just dipping my toes into the pool that is nothingness while faking it until I make it in this life we humans created for ourselves that amounts to a fabricated reality that is as hollow of an existence as it possibly gets.

Death is the only gift I am keen on receiving at this point, the only thing of any substance. I love my wife, I truly do; more than anything else on this planet. I just wonder some days whether or not that love is enough to keep me here and I can't answer if such is the case with any real resolve.