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afternoontea

afternoontea

Even my dreams are depressing
Nov 4, 2024
17
I vape 5% nicotine constantly - I pretty much take a hit every 30 seconds that I'm awake. I feel gross every time I do it except when I'm really stressed where it does feel like it helps a bit.

But whenever my parents see me do it they ALWAYS say "hey did you know that it's bad for you". Yes I fucking know. I seriously doubt that anyone who vapes constantly like me doesn't know that it's bad for you. If I ever try getting to a better headspace again quitting would be one of my top priorities. In fact, I've already tried multiple times.

One time I tried chewing nic gum, and followed the directions to a T, I was pretty early on (the process of quitting through gum usually takes a couple months), but my dad saw how much the gum cost and said that it was too much money and I should judt stop all together. I was taking classes at the time and therefore reliant on money from them so I understand his frustration but buying vapes is way more expensive and what he said made me kinda give up on quitting.

Anyways, yeah I know it's bad for me, and at this point, I don't care. Whatever health problems that I could get from it don't bother me at the moment, and sometimes when I'm feeling really suicidal I kind of hope they happen, stupid as it sounds.
 
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